


The Final Prize

by Spacefille



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Brainwashing, Consent Issues, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Forced Orgasm, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Torture, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Rape, Sexual Slavery, Slavery, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-27
Updated: 2014-10-26
Packaged: 2017-11-15 03:37:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 60,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/522724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacefille/pseuds/Spacefille
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a rebooted Earth, trolls are servants to humans, contracting out their services in exchange for money and the comforts of life. </p><p>John doesn't remember the game, but Karkat does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

.

“JOHN!”

He heard his name but he had no idea what direction it had come from. He turned his head this way and that, but there were too many people around him, the marketplace absolutely buzzing with noise and bustle. He frowned, wondering if someone else was calling out for a different John… that was very possible, he had a common name.

He knew he wasn’t mistaken when he heard his name again.

It was coming from the troll cages. Not only that, it was coming from _that_ section of troll cages.  John stared at the row of companion trolls. All of them were half naked as usual, assets on display, not that any of them seemed to care. Some of them were lounging about on the piles of blankets that they were given to nest in, playing handheld games or listening to music, a couple of them were chatting up potential employers, grinning through pointed, demon-like teeth.

All except for one. One that was staring right at him, his small hands clenching the wire mesh.

John’s brow knit. He absolutely did not recognize the troll. Not that he knew any trolls personally anyway, except for a couple of the older ones in his neighbourhood that he had greeted in passing. This troll boy was maybe his age, his black hair a short tangled mess on top of his head, wearing grey instead of the lavish colors the companion trolls usually wore. His horns were short and nubby. _He_ was short and nubby to be exact, he looked smaller than most of the other trolls and his teeth didn’t seem to be quite as big or as sharp. Other than the height, there was nothing really remarkable about him except for the fierce yellowish-orange gaze that was now focused right at him.

He made a hand motion to himself. _Me?_ He asked with his hand.

The sharp look on the troll’s face faded. After a moment he dropped his gaze and looked away.

John frowned. What the heck did a companion troll want to do with him? Unless he was soliciting John, and somehow got a lucky guess with his name? John gulped at the thought.

When he was younger and it didn’t matter as much he used to stare openly at the companion trolls, delighting at their different colors and wondering what it was like to be one of them. It was only when he got older and the kids at school told him none too kindly what people bought companion trolls for, exactly, that he had begun to become embarrassed. Companion trolls were the easily tameable ones, they said, less prone to violence, so they didn’t need to go straight into hard labour. Instead they were used for being housekeepers and nannies and something else which used to make John blush fiercely at the thought.

The other kids had scoffed, telling him that the companion trolls had it the best. They loved the attention and the money and they were stronger than normal humans besides. They were made to last, you could do many different things to them, and a lot of them even made enough money while young to buy their own places and settle down without having to continue to serve when they became adults. He had been worried at first, what if the trolls got hurt? He stopped thinking about it as the years went on, mostly because on TV the companion trolls always seemed so happy. And the ones in these cages looked well taken care of…

And, now that he was older… the thought of a companion troll actively seeking him out? There was something about that that made John’s heart pound a little faster. He grinned, a bit bashfully.

He almost turned away to continue through the market place when he reconsidered. The troll had been looking right at him after all. And he knew his name. Curiosity got the better of him and he began to weave his way through the crowd.

As he approached he was acutely aware of the sharp look he was being given by the man standing to the left of the cages. The owner. John was young, too young to be thinking about taking out a contract on a companion troll. John stopped, and then raised his chin defiantly. “My Dad said I can look into getting one for my birthday,” he lied.

The man narrowed his eyes, but after a moment he nodded. John was allowed to approach.

He didn’t even pretend to look at the other trolls as he made a bee-line for the cage with the small grey troll. As he approached the troll stepped back, his gaze focused on the ground in front of him. John noticed the thick dark lashes that fell against his cheeks. Gosh, he was kinda… _pretty_ , he thought. In a troll-like way, he amended mentally. And he probably just thought that because he was small…

“How’d you know my name?” he asked.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the troll replied. His voice was smooth, sharp, almost caustic and John blinked. There was no added ‘sir’ or ‘maam’ like he would have expected. After a second John decided that it didn’t matter and grinned again. He _liked_ this troll. Instantly. Instant like.

“You do, you said my name,” John replied.

“I did not,” was the feisty reply.

“Did to, I saw you!” John said.

“I did absolutely nothing of the sort,” the troll definitely sounded irritated now, his voice raising and his thin arms folding across his chest. 

John tilted his head to the side, his eyes bright as he looked the troll over. “I like you,” he said.

That got him. The troll looked at him, surprise on his face, his arms unfolding to hang loosely at his sides. For a long moment he just stared at him, something akin to wonder on his face.  “… John,” he said finally, and he said it strangely, like as if the word had gotten stuck in his throat. He brought a hand up, fingers lacing into the mesh that covered the front of the cage. John looked back at him and smiled, reaching up to touch that hand. It was surprisingly warm against his fingers, the trimmed claws kept safely away from his flesh.  

“But seriously, how do you know my name?” John asked again after a moment. “Have I met you before?”

The troll jerked his hand away as if it had been burnt. John blinked in surprise.

“What is it?” he asked.

The troll bore his teeth at him, very briefly, and then glanced to the side. John followed his gaze, and realized the owner was looking over at them with a frown on his face.

“It’s nothing,” the troll said smoothly, placing his hand back on the mesh of the cage. “You just… you look like a person I used to know,” he said. “Sir,” he added formally, and John knew it was because he was being watched. So, did that mean the troll was this spirited without supervision? The thought was exciting. All the trolls on TV and the adult trolls in his neighbourhood were always so polite and demure. This one had a spark to him that was attractive. He wasn’t bored, or boring… and he was kind of rude, for a troll that was supposed to be subservient.   

John considered the troll. “Was this John a good friend of yours?” he asked. At the same time he wondered how a companion troll even had time to become friends with a human, he looked so young. He couldn’t have possibly been though a couple contracts already, could he?

The troll nodded slowly.  

“Huh,” John said. He was silent for a moment as he looked the troll up and down. “You’re quite pretty, you know that?” he said.

That got a surprised look, the troll raised his head and stared at him with his yellow-orange eyes. He knew from the adult trolls in his neighbourhood that the grey around his pupils would one day become bright with his unique blood color, whatever it was.

“Did the other John think you were pretty?” John asked, bold in his curiosity. He missed how the troll’s hand tightened in the mesh because he was looking at his face.

“No,” was the abrupt reply. “Sir,” he added with a stressed hiss.

John laughed. “Alright, I get it,” he said, holding his hands up as a truce. So, he must have known this John before his contracts started. Either way, the troll didn’t want to talk about it. There was silence between them, and John caught it on the cusp of becoming uncomfortable. _Ah well,_ he thought to himself. It was nice talking to a lively troll that knew his name, but he didn’t belong here and he didn’t have any money besides. “I’ll leave you be,” he said, still cheerful. “Good bye Mr. Troll,” he added, and he turned away.

“… Karkat,” the troll’s voice followed him.

John turned back again slightly. That must be his name... it sounded like a troll name. “Good bye, Karkat,” he said politely.

Karkat merely nodded back.

John flashed a grin and a wink at the owner as he walked by him, a smile on his face. Let him think he was coming back, he kind of wished he was.

He missed how the troll slowly sunk to his knees and pressed his forehead to the mesh as he walked away.  
.


	2. Chapter 2

.

He talked to Dave that night about it, about the companion troll he had seen at the market. He knew for a fact that Strider had his own troll himself. The guy had completely lucked out a couple years ago by getting a minor role in a stupid teen drama movie and was pretty much rolling in the dough. The first thing he had done the moment he had turned 16 was snap up a companion troll. John had never met her, but Dave said she was “so fucking awesome you dont even know” and paid a lot of money to get her on a semi-permanent contract... so John had accepted the fact that either she was the most amazing thing on the face of the planet or Dave was delusional. Possibly both.  

Either way, it meant that he got to tell Dave all about THIS troll he had met. Which he did the moment he got home and logged online.

Dave got right to the point as usual.

TG: was she hot   
TG: like I mean would you totally be all over that  


EB: it was a he.  


TG: huh

EB: yeah. and yes. he was actually kind of pretty in a troll-y way.  he even said I reminded him of a john he used to know.

TG: really

EB: yeah. his name was car-cat or something like that.

TG: oh damn

EB: why oh damn?

TG: go back and get him

EB: … why?

TG: gotta get into that shit while youre young  
TG: sex is amazing with trolls you know that right they got like both parts and everything

EB: what? come on man. I don’t even know if i want that.

TG: everyone wants that thats like a thing everyone does  
TG: except you

EB: and even if i did it’s not like I have money to take out a contract or anything.

TG: im sending you money right now

John stared at his computer screen for a long moment before typing back.

EB: … dave, what the hell?

And then when he saw how much Dave had transferred to his account he nearly fell out of his chair.

EB: seriously, what the hell dave? what the actual fuck. dude.

TG: go get the troll k  
TG: it’ll be a beautiful relationship  
TG: angels will fucking weep  
TG: they’ll sing songs to your lost virginity

EB: dave?

TG: john why are you still here

He finally logged off in frustration. For a long moment he stared at his computer screen in wonder, and then slowly got to his feet.

He walked down the stairs slowly as well, almost as if in a daze. He was half excited, he wanted to see that troll again, but on the other hand he was a bit scared too. Would he be expected to have sex with him right away? Maybe they could wait a bit, kiss some first? And... oh god, what was he going to tell his dad? This was almost shameful, ‘hey dad I want to buy a troll for sex, is that okay?’ The mere thought made him blush. What if his dad thought he was inadequate or something, and couldn’t find another human at school so he had to go get laid by another species?

He reached the bottom step and after a moment drew a deep breath and stepped into the kitchen.

His dad sat at the table, reading a newspaper and smoking his pipe as he waited for whatever it was in the oven to finish cooking.

“Dinner won’t be ready for another ten minutes,” he said mildly, not even looking up.

John nodded, not that his dad could see him, and drew a deep breath. “Dad,” he said as calmly as he could. “I want to buy a troll.”

.

For a long moment he wondered if his dad had even heard him. Finally the older man shook the paper out, folded it twice and placed it on the table. He regarded his son evenly, then took a puff of his pipe. “Contract,” he said finally.

“Right, contract,” John replied, flushing despite himself. “I want to take out a contract on a troll.”

“Any particular reason why?” he was getting that look again, the one where he felt like his dad was picking him apart just by looking at him.

“I-I saw one at the market today and... I really liked him,” John set his jaw and tried to conceal the fact that he was kind of embarrassed. “And Dave gave me a lot of money for my, uh, birthday, so I thought maybe I could get him. Just for a couple weeks or so, not long term or anything...”

His dad considered him.  “Dave... that your movie star friend? From Texas?”

John rolled his eyes. “He’s totally not a movie star. But yeah, that’s the one.”

“I see.”

The elder Egbert eyed his son. John held his gaze and tried his best to look manly and adult. Yes, he was an adult, and this was a rational decision. He was going to contract a troll and have him perma-sleep over for a couple weeks. Which reminded him... “We could set up the guest room, he doesn’t have to be in my room.  And he could help you out around the house.”

“Hm,” his dad said. There was another one of those lengthy pauses and John shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. “You liked him,” he added. “The one you saw today.”

John let out a breath. His dad wasn’t protesting, which meant this was pretty much in the bag. He walked over to the table and pulled out a chair, settling into it. “I did,” he admitted. “We talked for a bit. He just... there was something about him I really liked,” he shrugged a bit sheepishly, but he wasn’t apologetic. There was nothing wrong with admitting he liked a creature that he could very well be having sex with tomorrow.

John felt the weight of his dad’s gaze again, but only briefly and then he looked away again. “You’ll have to take care of him,” he said. “Make sure he has everything he needs.”

 John broke into a huge grin. “That’s fine!” he said. “I can handle it,” he paused, thinking. “He’s my age so we can even hang out and play video games or whatever. Er, if trolls even play video games...”

It was his dad’s turn to nod. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll take you after dinner.”

 John didn’t know if he could grin any wider. “Thanks dad,” he said happily.

.

That was how he ended up back at the market, a little less than an hour before closing. The sun had already set and the market lights were bright, though they left long shadows and dark spots between the stalls. He wondered briefly if his dad was going to come with him but he waved him off instead, telling him to call his cellphone if he needed help with the contract.

John made a beeline for the cages. He was surprised to see there wasn’t really anyone around the cages any longer, though he supposed it made sense, the market was nearly empty. Even the owner appeared to have left, and John could see in the meagre light that most of the trolls had gone to sleep or were napping atop their piles of blankets. Some of the cages were empty and John’s heart pounded a little faster, suddenly afraid his troll had been contracted out already.

But no... there he was. Sitting against the wall of his cage, arms folded around his knees. John wondered if perhaps he was trying to make himself as small as possible. He frowned slightly as he walked down the line of cages to the one Karkat was in. He didn’t look too happy, was there something wrong?

The troll didn’t look up as he stopped outside of the cage.

John crouched down so he could get level with the troll boy. “Hey,” he said softly.

The troll’s head jerked up, his eyes impossibly wide as he stared at John. For a long moment all he did was stare, like he couldn’t believe John was actually there. John smiled a bit uncertainly and put his hands on the mesh. “Hey,” he said again. “Remember me? The John guy?”

The troll interrupted him with a low growl and bared teeth. John blinked at that. “... What?” he began, but before he could say anything else the troll had reached out. He grabbed his hands through the mesh, trapping them there. John let out a little shout of surprise, which just led to the troll digging his thankfully blunted claws into the back of his hands.

Narrowed eyes glared at him. He was _snarling_ now. “John, get me out of this _fucking_ cage or I swear to god I’ll...”

John jerked his hands free and fell back, then scrambled backwards so the angry troll couldn’t grab at him again. The troll stopped short, the fury draining from his face as he stared at John.

Neither one of them said anything.

Finally the troll looked away from him and John watched as he shuddered visibly, shivering where he knelt. “Sorry,” he muttered after a moment. He bought one of his hands up and pressed it to his forehead. “Sorry, sorry, I thought you were...” he trailed off. “That came out wrong. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

John’s shock quickly turned into understanding and a bit of pity. The troll was cold, still half naked and trapped in a cage he clearly didn’t want to be in. And he obviously mistook him for his old friend. He was a bit - okay a lot - surprised that he mouthed off like that to another human, but it looked like the troll realized his mistake. John cautiously sat back up and put his hand to the mesh again, daring to meet the hand that was still there. “It’s okay,” he said soothingly.

Karkat looked up again, and now the expression on his face was a little bit lost.

“Did you talk to your John like that?” John asked, a teasing note to his voice now.

The troll eyed him. “Sometimes,” he replied warily.

John chuckled at that. He took the troll’s now slack hand in his own, stroking the fingers gently. The troll stared at their hands in wonder.

“What happened to him?” John asked.

That got a twitch from the hand he held in his own. The troll shut his eyes. “He’s gone,” he replied, and John looked up at his face. The troll’s face was screwed up in a grimace and John’s face fell. Oh.

He squeezed the hand gently. “I’m sorry,” he said, and meant it.

The troll let out a ragged gasp and finally pulled his hand away to wrap his arms around his bare torso. “Doesn’t matter,” he said, but his voice told John it really did.

John was silent for a moment, chewing his lip as he considered. The troll didn’t move, just sat there, his head turned away. At least he wasn’t trying to attack him. I must be crazy, John thought to himself. This was what he wanted to spend money on? An emotionally distraught troll that mistook him for someone else and practically threatened him? But just looking at him made his heart do weird things in his chest. Whether it was sympathy pains or something else, he didn’t know. It was enough to make him want to find out more.

“I want to take you home with me,” he said quietly.

 The troll’s head snapped up. He stared at John and it was only then that John noticed the glint of wetness on his cheeks.

John’s eyes widened. “... are you?”

“Shut up,” the troll muttered. He swiped at his face and resumed staring at John. “I attacked you,” he pointed out.

John nodded. “And you’re sad and you miss your friend and you’re stuck in a cage,” he got to his feet. “I’m going to go find your owner,” he said.

Karkat got to his feet as well. He drew in a deep breath. “John, wait...” he said before John could move away.

John turned back around and gave him a questioning look. The troll hesitated for a moment, then stuck his hand out. John stepped closer so the fingers could touch him, and was a bit surprised when they swiped at him and caught onto the front of his shirt. He was even more surprised when the troll tugged down and suddenly his face was in very close proximity to the other’s. A second after that and they were kissing... it was sweet, chaste and it didn’t last very long. Karkat let go of his shirt and John pulled away.

John blushed and grinned and unconsciously licked at his lip, which was tingling slightly. Yeah, the troll definitely liked him. “I’ll be right back,” he said.  The troll merely nodded and silently watched him go.

.


	3. Chapter 3

.

He practically ran right into the owner when he rounded the side of the cages. The man looked about as surprised to see John as John was to see him, though that didn’t last very long.

“Yeah?” the man asked. He was a big guy, and John was struck with a sudden case of shyness. It was one thing to be confident and all that when the thought of contracting a troll was just a fantasy, but now faced with the prospect of actually getting one...

“I got money,” he blurted out. At the same time he mentally slapped himself in the forehead. Oh, God. “What I meant to say is I’d like to buy that troll I was talking to earlier,” he amended in an only somewhat calmer voice.

The man looked him up and down, his scrutinizing gaze almost as bad as the one John got from his father. John tried to stand a bit taller and look more like he knew what he was doing. He had a feeling he was failing miserably.

Thankfully the man finally nodded. “Alright,” he said. “I’ll take you to the office,” he turned away with a hand motion for John to follow him.

.

A half an hour and what seemed like 100 pages of paper later and John felt like he was well on his way towards developing a permanent headache. He had learnt the name of the owner (Mr. Taylor), had handed over his I.D. for a credit check (he didn’t even qualify for credit yet) and he had learnt about fifty new things about the entire troll trade he hadn’t known before.

It was kind of fascinating to be honest, if it wasn’t so long and boring to read. There was stuff like how the contracting of trolls was all government run to ensure ‘quality control’, how they had all passed various tests before being prepped for contracts, how each had signed consent forms before going on the market so there was absolutely no chance this was any way shady at all. He learnt that each troll was tagged behind the ear with a tracker so that if they ran off they could be found again. There was a number for reporting lost trolls. It told him that if his troll was returned in noticeably worse condition than when the contract started he could be banned from contracting another, up to and including jail time for damaging government property. Furthermore the trolls themselves could call this number here if they felt they were being abused and someone would come and take them away from you, and you wouldn’t get a refund.

In other words... be nice to your troll.

That won’t be a problem, he had a feeling he was more in danger of this particular troll not being nice to him than the other way around.

 John had signed his name in about thirty-six different places when he finally got to the last page and sat back with a little sigh.

“Oh, you’re done,” Mr. Taylor sounded bored as he sat up and picked up the papers, filing them into a photocopier off to his side. “Right, then,” he added, getting to his feet. John watched as he walked over to stand-up cabinet off to the side and opened it up. He reached in, picked something up and brought it back over to the desk, dropping it in front of John.

John looked at it with confusion.

“A bucket?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Mr. Taylor said as he settled back down into his chair. “It’s not in the contract but I have a feeling this is your first troll, so you’re going to need to know this stuff.”

John stared.

“They reproduce differently than us, and if it’s the first time in a while, it’s gonna get messy if you don’t let them do their thing first. Just give him the bucket and have him fill it. Once that’s done you generally have a month before they need to fill it again.”

John’s brow wrinkled. “Oh,” he said. “Okay.” At the same time his mind took off with that, trying to figure out how that even worked.

“They’ll leave the bucket stashed away somewhere, it’s some sort of instinct of theirs. Just dump it out when you find it.” He tapped his fingers on the desk. “They lose a lot of body fluid too, so make sure he gets water and rest afterwards. He’ll be back to normal in a day or so.”

“Right,” John said faintly.

“Other than that, you don’t have to worry much about damage, they’re built sturdy. Go to town.” He sat up a little straighter and gave John a pensive frown. “I do have to say though, it’s his first contract. Yours as well, and that doesn’t always make for the best combination. Make sure you call the help line if you have any troubles.”

John had paled considerably at the words ‘first contract’. “Wait, wait, wait,” he said and Mr. Taylor raised an eyebrow at him. “Does that mean he’s a troll virgin?” he asked.

That actually got genuine laughter out if the man. “Unlikely,” he replied. “Trolls? They go at it like rabbits. You leave any of them in a room together and you’re going to either come back to tonnes of this stuff,” he patted the bucket. “Or dead bodies.”

John looked really worried now but Mr. Taylor waved his hand at that. “Don’t worry, we weed out the violent ones,” he sat forwards. “But he’s no delicate flower if that’s what you’re looking for. None of them are. Their training covers humans though, so you should be fine.”

John had the sinking feeling he was in way over his head. He was actually going to take a troll home with him, who was part of a violent race, who had weird parts down below and needed a bucket and water and after care, and here he was planning to have _sex_ with him? His palms were suddenly sweaty.

What would Dave do in this situation? Or what did Dave do? He had a mental image of Dave lounging back in his chair, sunglasses on, poker-faced like usual. Taking a troll home to bed? “Cool.” Buckets? “Awesome.” Violence? “Sure.” Any questions? “Naw.”

John sighed. That only got a knowing smirk from the man as he handed back John’s copy of the contract. “I’ll go get him,” he said. “Don’t worry kid,” he said, almost as an aside. “You’ll have a great time.”

.

The troll looked even smaller while trailing behind Mr. Taylor as they both walked towards John. He was dressed now, clad in a pair of simple jeans and a sweater that looked two sizes too big for him. There was a small pack slung over his shoulder. John was surprised at how... normal he looked, like he was just a regular boy like him, save for the grey skin and yellow eyes. The troll boy looked a bit lost, apprehension evident on his face as he worried his lower lip with his teeth. When he looked up and saw John, John offered him a tentative half-smile. The troll didn’t return it. Instead his gaze fell to the bucket that John held under his arm. He reacted to that with a small recoil, his face going a lighter shade of grey. He looked away quickly, and now he seemed to be trying to look anywhere but at John.

John shifted the bucket under his arm, confused. What was that all about?

Karkat was still looking away when Mr. Taylor stopped a few feet away from him.  He waved the boy forwards. “Vantas, this is who you’ll be staying with for the next two weeks,” he said, his voice brisk and professional, different than the almost casual way he spoke to John in the office. “Call us if you have any questions or concerns Mr. Egbert,” he added.

John nodded. “Thank you,” he replied politely. He waited until the man had walked away before turning back to the troll.

At least Karkat was looking at him now.

They stared at each other for a moment. John didn’t know what to say. He was about to offer a lame hello when Karkat broke the silence first with a soft snort. “Congradu-fucking-lations,” he said, sarcasm dripping in his voice. “You now own your very own troll.”

 John blinked at him. “Er, I have you on a contract,” he said. “I don’t own you really.”

The troll rolled his eyes. “Like there’s really any difference,” he returned. He let out an exasperated sigh and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “So, _John_ ,” he said, putting stress on his name. “Are you going to take me home now or are we going to stand here staring at each other like idiots all night?”

John laughed out loud at that. “We have to go find my dad first,” he said with a grin. “Don’t worry, you’ll like him.”

“I’m sure,” the troll muttered, but followed him anyway.

.

The troll met his father without any difficulties, though he remained silent the entire time, merely nodding when his father said hello. John wondered at that, at the fact that the troll had been so talkative (grumpy) only moments before.

He sat in the back seat of the car on the way home, now quiet troll sitting beside him. John studied him openly, a fact that the troll seemed determined to ignore.

John realized everything about him was small, not just his stature and horns. His ears were little (and adorably pointed at the end), and he had a cute nose. His teeth appeared to be more blunted than the average troll’s. He was almost the exact opposite of a lot of the neighbourhood trolls that seemed to be all fangs and horns. Even the trolls on TV had more pointed features.

About halfway home John got tired of just studying him and reached out. He touched the troll’s arm, and when he didn’t pull away, slid his hand down and took the troll’s warm hand in his own, threading their fingers together. Karkat looked at their hands, then up at John, a questioning expression on his face. John offered him a sheepish half-shrug in reply. After a moment Karkat looked away again, and if John wasn’t mistaken, his cheeks turned a slightly darker shade. He didn’t reclaim his hand though and John spent the rest of the car ride home mapping abstract designs on the back of that hand.

.

As soon as they got home his dad made straight for the kitchen in order to make some food for their new guest, even though Karkat finally spoke and said he wasn’t hungry. Mr. Egbert, of course, didn’t listen. A few seconds later they could both hear the sounds of clattering dishes and utensils.

“You might as well get used to it,” John said with a little laugh. “Sometimes I swear he’s married to the stove,” he began to walk towards the stairs and gestured for the troll to follow him. “Come on, I’ll show you your room.”

.

 He let Karkat get settled. He raided the hall closet for all of their spare blankets, bringing them in so the troll could create his pile against one of the walls. When it was stacked high enough the troll sat down in the center of it, folding his legs under him. He leaned his head back against the wall, his eyes sliding closed as he did so.

John inspected his work and made a noise of satisfaction. Well, that part was done. He had gotten the troll home, given him a place to sleep and he’d soon be fed. His mental check list of things that were done reminded him of something he had inadvertently forgotten.

The bucket. Oh right.

“I’ll be right back,” he said. Karkat shrugged.

.

He walked back into the room a couple minutes later, bucket under his arm. Karkat took one look at him and went a lighter shade of grey again.

“Oh _God_ ,” he said.

John paused on the threshold of the room. Okay, that was the second time he had gotten that reaction out of the troll. “What’s wrong with the bucket?” he asked, confused.

Now the troll looked upset. He got to his feet and walked over to John, stopping in front of him. He held out his hands with his face screwed up into a grimace. “Nothing.  Give it to me,” he said.

John held it away from him. “Not until you tell me why it upsets you.” This was important... if the bucket upset the troll, what other things would upset him? He’d rather not get attacked again because he didn’t understand something, which meant that Karkat had to tell him when he was doing something wrong.

The troll flushed, his hands balling into fists at his sides. “Because it’s fucking humiliating, that’s why,” he snapped. “Which, of course, you wouldn’t know because you don’t remember a single fucking thing.”

John considered that. “Actually Mr. Taylor didn’t say anything about how you’d react to the bucket, just that you needed to use it,” he said. “I’m sorry if I’ve embarrassed you,” he added contritely. “I didn’t mean to.”

Karkat stared at him for a moment, then he lowered his gaze. “Just give me the damn bucket,” he said in a low voice.

John reluctantly handed it to him.

“Do you, uh, need help with it or anything?” he asked as Karkat moved past him.

The troll shot him a nasty look. “I think I’m perfectly capable of pailing myself,” he said.

_Pailing...?_ Okay, whatever. John put his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “Okay,” he replied. Once the troll disappeared into the bathroom John took a deep breath and let it out again. Well, at least it looked like that crisis had been adverted, whatever it was going to be. Now he tried very hard not to think about what the troll was going to be getting up to in the bathroom.

.

It took the troll a suspiciously long time to do his thing with the bucket. After an hour John was seriously considering going in there to make sure the troll was still alive when the door opened a crack. As John watched the crack grew larger and a very tried looking troll stepped out into the hall.

John instantly felt concerned. The troll looked like he was a moment away from collapsing. “Hey,” he said. He reached out and took the troll’s arm. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Karkat looked up and John thought he saw a flash of anger in his eyes.  “I’m _fine_ ,” he replied, stressing the last word in warning.

It was a warning John refused to take. “You don’t look fine,” he pointed out.

That got an all out snarl from the troll. “Shut up and leave me the fuck alone!” he said as he shoved John away.  A second later the troll’s eyes widened. He took a step back, and then another, which landed him flat up against the wall of the hallway. He stared at John, then hunched in on himself and John knew exactly where this was going because he had done it while he was in the cage.

Sure enough...

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...”

“Okay, stop,” John interrupted him. “Yes you meant it. I don’t care,” he reached out and took the troll’s arm again and began to move him down the hall towards the guest room. Karkat came with him without protest. “Mr. Taylor said you’d need to rest for a day and drink lots of water and that’s what we’re going to do right now,” he said firmly as they entered the room. He led the troll over to his pile and sat him down on it. “Now you stay there and I’ll be back in a couple minutes with some water.”

He nearly made it to the door when Karkat called out his name.

John turned.

The troll looked up at him from where he sat up against the wall. The expression on his face was lost again, his arms dangling loosely on his knees. “Why are you doing this?” he asked quietly.

John frowned. He slowly walked back over to the troll and sat down in front of him. For a long moment he studied his face and the troll did the same to him, searching his eyes for something. He didn’t seem to find what he was looking for and turned his gaze downwards.

“Hey,” John said. He reached out, touching the side of his face. Karkat glanced back up at him. “I like you,” John said. “Does it really matter?”

The troll gave him a tired look. “You just met me this afternoon,” he said. “Yeah, it kind of matters,” he rolled his head to the side. “Anyone else would have sent me back by now,” he said.

“I got the impression you didn’t really like it there,” John replied pointedly.

Karkat shrugged. “Who the fuck cares? I’m a troll. I’ve yelled at you, attacked you, sworn at you and haven’t treated you with respect once. Send me back.”

John sat back and for the first time since he had met Karkat he actually felt kind of hurt by something the troll said. “I don’t want to,” he said, his brow knitting.

The troll leaned forwards, grabbing onto the front of his shirt. “Why. Not. John,” he hissed, every word said from between clenched teeth. “Tell me. Why _not_?”

John didn’t know what to do. “I don’t know!” he exclaimed. It was true. He thought he knew what he was doing. This was supposed to be extremely easy – contract out a companion troll, get laid. That was how it was supposed to go right? But no, he went and had to contract out the most intense and emotionally unstable troll on the face of the planet. And he had no idea how to answer him. This wasn’t even about sex, was it? He just wanted to be near the troll and he had no idea why or how to explain it. “I just... I...” he brought his hand up to cover the troll’s own hand with his own.

Karkat’s hand was shaking. Well, that derailed his train of thought really fast. “What...” John began. As he watched the troll shut his eyes and let out a choked sound and before he knew it, the troll was clinging to him, with his face buried in his shirt.

Oh. He was crying again. John swallowed, wrapping his arms around the troll. He just held him.

“This is why,” he said gently when enough time had passed, nestling his chin in the troll’s hair. It was soft and thick and he nudged his cheek against one of the short rounded horns. “I think I was meant to pick you up. I think you really need a friend right now,” he added, stroking the troll’s back soothingly.

That got a hoarse laugh out of Karkat.

“God I wish I could hate you,” the troll muttered against his shirt. “Why the hell can’t you be an asshole like the rest of your douchebag race?”

John smiled faintly. He traced his fingers across the troll’s back and didn’t reply. It sounded like a rhetorical question anyway.

Karkat didn’t say anything else either. He calmed by degrees, his grip loosening as he leaned against John. Finally he pulled away, looking up at John with slightly unfocused eyes. He was exhausted. John felt exhausted after that emotional rollercoaster ride, so he wasn’t very surprised.

Sure enough Karkat yawned, which showed off a grey tongue, and reached up to press the heel of his hand against one of his eyes. He rubbed at it. “I don’t think I’ll be able fulfil my contractual duties tonight,” he muttered.

John let out a little snort. “I wasn’t planning on making you do anything,” he said. “You’re supposed to be getting rest,” he added. With that he pushed the troll back onto the blankets. As soon as Karkat was lying on his side John heaved a sigh and got to his feet. “I’m going to get your water now,” he said.

The troll had his eyes closed already. He nodded though, so John knew he at least heard him.

.

When John got back the room with a water bottle in one hand and a piece of cake in the other (his dad worked fast), he saw that Karkat was curled up into the tightest ball he had ever seen, nestled deep in the pile of blankets. The soft sounds coming from him told John he was asleep.

John smiled fondly as he approached.  He carefully set down the water bottle and cake down next to the pile. He reached out, smoothing dark bangs away from the sleeping troll’s face.

Karkat didn’t stir.

.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RAPE WARNING in this chapter - OMCs/Karkat. If this is a bad thing for you and you don’t want to read, please please skip this chapter. You will still be able to understand what is going on if you do, this is mostly just an expositional jaunt through Karkat’s life before John found him.
> 
> Also, once again, I do not have a beta so I apologize in advance for any glaring mistakes (and awkward sentences and tense problems and so on.)

.

Karkat Vantas had never given up on anything in his entire life. Well, anything really important that is. Living was important to him. He spent his entire childhood knowing that his life could be taken from him at any moment in an ill-timed spill of blood.

So when he woke up one day to find himself all of 6 sweeps old again – and with a set of double memories – living in a training facility with tons of other trolls his age, Karkat made a decision that he’d survive this new and terrible development in his life. Somehow. How much harder could it be than spending your entire life in fear that you’d be culled for your blood color?

Pretty hard, it turned out.

The irony of the entire thing was that he was finally in a place where his blood didn’t matter one single bit, because life pretty much sucked for everyone.

Well, blood mattered a tiny bit. The humans weren’t dumb, the purple and blue blooded trolls got watched much more closely, and were more likely to disappear if they showed any sign of insanity or erratic behaviour. It was how he was fairly sure Gamzee hadn’t made it, if he was here as well, and he had no reason to think he wasn’t. The humans also took away any of them that showed any sort of psychic ability, even going as far as to shocking one girl troll into unconsciousness during one of his first days there and dragging her off. No one saw her again, but the way the rumours flew around told him she was probably dead too. He thought of Sollux and Aradia and despaired. Even Vriska - if she was somehow alive again and on this hellish planet - he didn’t think she would have survived long. If she mind controlled a human and broke out of this place, where would she go? As far as he could tell the entire facility was surrounded by sand and rock as far as the eye could see, and they were all being tracked electronically anyway. She’d make it exactly nowhere before they caught her and brought her back and probably culled her for her troubles.

He was determined not to let that happen to him.

.

The first thing he learnt to do in this place was to shut up. Not just... _taper_ his rather lengthy rants into something more succinct, but literally shut the hell up, unless he was really keen on suffering for the sake of running at the mouth. The first time he told a human to fuck off he was thrown into a small dark room by himself for a week. The first time he growled at a human for ordering him around, he was beaten so hard with a stick the human had on him that he could barely move afterwards.

Words, which were once his greatest weapon, were now his worst enemy. He was to speak to humans with the utmost respect and in the smallest amounts of words possible. Even a glare could get him into trouble.

Yeah, it didn’t take him very long to decide that this hellish new world was even worse than growing up on Alternia, and that was saying something.

.

There were three times, outside of that initial week in a tiny dark space where he nearly had a complete and total mental break down, that he came close to giving up.

The first was when he had been at the school for a year.

That first year was probably the worst, the entire time was spent learning all about human culture and world and their place in it. He was surprised and sickened at how the other trolls in the facility just accepted, actually cheerfully _told him_ when he sat there glaring (when there wasn’t any guards about) to lighten up. Soon, they said, school would be done and he’d be able to go be a worker or a companion, and wasn’t he looking forwards to that? They were all overwhelmingly human too, in the way they spoke and acted, like their culture had been beaten out of them.

Which it had.

Karkat stopped even trying to talk to anyone after the first few weeks. He ate alone, sat in class alone, slept in his pile in his tiny room alone.

He likewise spent that first year trying his best to figure out a way to escape. He wasn’t stupid, he knew his best chances for getting to get out was to get a message to John. If he had survived and this was indeed planet Earth as per his classes, there was a chance John was out there somewhere. If he could get a message to him somehow...

Unfortunately it looked like all of the computers the trolls had access to (and even some of the ones they didn’t) didn’t have access to the Internet.

Karkat would have given anything just to speak to John. Or even Jade or Rose, (though he had barely spoken to her on the meteor…) even Dave he was willing to risk that horrible human laughing his ass off at his predicament if it gave him the slightest chance he might be rescued. 

But they were cut off from everything.

.

It was at the end of the first year that he saw Equius.

Karkat couldn’t believe it when he saw the strong troll walking between the dorms and the classrooms. When he was done staring he ran up to him, came within inches of throwing his arms around him, and exclaimed his name. He started babbling, about everything, the game, how he was glad he was alive again, even if it was alive HERE and here wasn’t that much better, in fact it was probably worse.

The troll stared at him like he had two heads. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the other troll said coldly. He then called out to a nearby pair of guards, turning away to leave Karkat to stare after him in shock.

Karkat knew perfectly well they could drag him off to the dark pit again for babbling nonsense.

He got away with being dragged off and beaten behind the school house instead.

He recovered in a couple days, the welts fading to bruises and finally disappearing entirely, but even so he never felt quite the same after that. He only saw Equius in passing, and the troll didn’t acknowledge him.  Karkat quickly came to the conclusion that either Equius was a bigger dick than he thought he was, or he literally did not remember. He was tending towards thinking he did not remember, because he knew Equius’ speech patterns and the other troll hadn’t sounded like himself at all.

And if Equius didn’t remember...

Then John, wherever he was, probably didn’t remember either.

The thought made him feel very, very alone.

.

The second time he came close to giving up was two human years after he had woken up on this stupid planet. He had reached the end of his years in the general school and it was time go into his ‘specialty’ school for the next and final year of education.

Karkat had decided to go into the companion school. The school ran a little longer than the other schools but it wasn’t that hard of a choice to make.  Or rather it was a hard choice, but the other choices weren’t any better.

Choice number one was death of course, or whatever happened to the trolls that were dragged off to when they showed signs of insanity or showed they had psychic abilities.

That wasn’t an option.

Choice two was military, the most violent of them were shoved into that school anyway, and he was told by classmates that they were either killed or more often than not turned against each other and were killed. Some trolls actually volunteered for that school, the most bloodthirsty ones, for which Karkat was glad, it meant he could sleep better at night knowing he was less likely to attacked by a random rogue troll.

The third choice was the worker school, which was the most popular... apparently trolls were in demand all over the planet as a source of cheap labour. Most of the things he learnt about in class were utterly depressing to him… the worker trolls would get to have a place of their own in neighbourhoods set out for them and would even be able to find mates and companionship. Humans would come around to these neighbourhoods looking for buckets of genetic material to feed a mothergrub somewhere to make more trolls, so their reproductive cycle would remain intact. The thought personally made him sick, that humans were now doing this, but he supposed they had to make more trolls and acquire their slave labour force somehow. The thought that that would be the rest of their lives...

The fourth choice was companion school. Companions got paid a lot to let humans play with their nooks for a few years. That wasn’t the official reason for the school of course, the line the human teachers fed them was that humans wanted calm, domesticated, eager to serve trolls in more distinguished positions than general labour. They would be paid handsomely for their good behaviour, nearly three times the amount of a worker troll. It ensured he’d live longer in any case, and maybe have some money put aside and ultimately escape this hellhole. Maybe even escape this planet.

Karkat aimed for that purely in self interest’s sake.

He was fairly sure he got in based on the fact that he was smaller than most of the trolls his own age. He still hadn’t quite managed to curb his glower, though he tried to keep it to himself and to when the other trolls weren’t looking.

He was a few weeks into the companion school year when it happened. He was caught by a pair of guards on the way back to the dormitories after class one night. Karkat wasn’t stupid - the moment he felt hands curl around his arms he went limp and let them lead him off, his eyes trained on the ground, unresisting.

He had thought they wanted to beat him. He hadn’t mouthed off to anyone, but he had been hit before with little or no provocation and had seen it done to other trolls. He was probably in the wrong place at the wrong time and they wanted a personalized punching bag.

His bloodpusher started to pound when they took him back into the now vacated school, faint panic setting in. This... wasn’t normal. They took him down a corridor, and then another, finally stopping at a large metal door. One of them opened it and pushed him inside. They both followed. The door shut with a solid clank of finality.

Karkat looked around quickly. He was alone in a small room without any windows, ratted mats lining the floor. He had no idea what this room had been used for once, perhaps an office. The most disturbing thing was the flashes of muted color all around the room, on the walls, on the mats, that looked very much like...

Oh God.

All of his instincts told him to fight for his life, to gut these two humans and to run away as quick as he could. At the same time - as his throat let out an involuntary growl of warning - he knew that fighting would be useless.

He was in a bad, bad place. Hurting humans would get him culled, and escaping into the desert would lead being caught, being brought back here, and culled. His only option was to take whatever they planned to do to him and survive this. If he could.

He took a cautious step back, and then another, eyeing them both in turn as they advanced. They had their hands out, spread wide as if to prevent him from trying to escape, probably expecting him to make a run for it.

Karkat stopped moving. He drew in a deep breath, closed his eyes and went limp.

Hands fell on him. They started to with his shirt, tugging it upwards, to take it off. Karkat let them. They pushed him down to the floor, taking off his pants as well, leaving him bare. He tried his hardest not to shiver as hands touched him all over. They stroked down his sides, hitting the old bumps where his wiggler legs had fallen off, around his hips. He focused on keeping his breathing level, he was being so completely calm, more calm than he had ever been in his entire life. They weren’t hurting him yet, weren’t hurting him and hadn’t hurt him –

Until two fingers jammed up into his nook.

His entire body jerked with the shock of it and he bit back a cry. He started to pant and deliberately kept his gaze trained at the wall. Calm... calm... he was the calmest motherfucker there ever was - he thought of Gamzee, he thought of John, he thought of Terezi laughing her ass off at him. He thought of everything and anything as the other human started stroking the top of his bulge. Another hand moved down between his slowly growing bulge and his nook, pressing up against his globes. There was a certain way they did it, at exactly the right pressure that Karkat realized with a sinking feeling that these men were extremely practiced. This must be a regular hobby for them.

He twisted, biting his lip and trying his best not to make a sound as his bulge and globes swelled under the expert ministrations, his nook lengthened inside of him, his secretions started up, allowing those fingers to slide in and out of him with ease. A few more strokes and they had his bulge out completely and one of the men started jerking it with sure fingers.

His hands knotted into fists at his side but still he didn’t say anything... that was until he could feel the build up hit a point where he knew he’d end up embarrassing himself if they continued. “P-please,” he spoke up for the first time since this entire thing had begun. “You’ll need a bucket...”

They laughed at him. Karkat stared at them both with utter incomprehension as to why they’d let him soil himself without a bucket, until he remembered the state of the room. Horror washed through him as he realized the stains weren’t from faded _blood_ , they were from... why would they do such a terrible thing? “Please,” he tried again.

That just got more laughter and the continued double assault on his genitals. Karkat was gasping now, trying his hardest to pull back from the heady sensation that was threatening to overwhelm him. He kept his teeth clenched shut but still whimpered through them, soft keening cries that became more and more sharp and desperate the closer and closer he came to release. He started to writhe as it got to the point that it was bordering on painful and after one last incoherent plea he let go and came.

All. Over. The. Place.

The guards let him go at the same time and sat back to inspect their handwork. “Fuck I love it when they do that,” one of them muttered to the other. Karkat could only lay there trying to get his breathing under control, feeling the hot sticky mess against his backside, the sides of his legs and coating his crotch.

“Looks like blood on this one too,” the other man said, looking somewhat repulsed. “Haven’t seen that color before,” he stood and began to take off his pants. “Think he’s some sort of mutant?”

The other man shrugged, doing the same, kicking off his shoes first before going for his belt. He leered at Karkat. “You better have a shower as soon as you get back, troll. Don’t want to have anyone take you to infirmary and have to explain that away,” and with that he laughed.

Karkat wished there was hole in the earth he could crawl into.

Instead he lay in a pool of his own filth as they finished taking off their clothes.

The rest faded into a blur of embarrassment, self loathing and hate. All he could really think of was that he would have to wash their gross genetic material out of his nook later and how much he just wanted to be anywhere else right then. Anywhere. Being hunted by a killer Gamzee was preferable to this. Well, maybe.

Humans were disgusting.

That was the second time he felt like giving up. The raw and utter humiliation at being brought off without a bucket and being forced to come all over himself stayed with him, burned at him and made him want just curl up and die for weeks afterwards.

If this was going to be the next five years of his life, he thought to himself, he may as well cull himself now and get it over with.

.

It got better. The guards didn’t corner him again, (he had a sinking feeling they found a new troll every time,) and the class gave detailed information about how they should all take care of their bucketing before their first sexual encounter with a new owner. Apparently humans did not like lots of genetic material all over.

The irony of that did not escape him.

He was practically vibrating with nervous anticipation and a foreboding sense of dread as he was taken out of the facility and sent to the market for the first time. He quickly learnt that sleeping in an open cage was far far worse than the school dormitories. At least his sulky surly attitude (which he only rectified when the owner was about) ensured he was not bought quickly.

Weeks went by.

.

Days faded into each other. He remained in his cage, watching as his fellow companions were bought and brought back again, smiling happily, chatting away with humans when in cages, following obediently when not. No one bought him. He was beginning to get scared, would they send him back again? He supposed he would just be sent into labour... but he was small... what if no one bought him for that either?

Quite desperation settled over him.

And, then, one bright and bustling afternoon he saw John.

And John didn’t recognize him.

The last flickering hope died inside of him as he watched the boy he once thought he hated walk away and leave him behind. He felt like his entire world was crumbling around him. He wanted to yell after him, _scream_ after him to come back, to take him away from this place, but the words got stuck in his throat.

They wouldn’t come out. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t force a word past his lips.

He sat against the side of his cage and he was well aware that something had finally broken inside of him. Something that hadn’t managed to be broken in the entire three years of hell in that school because there was always that hope, that faint tiny hope that John was there and John would save him and let him free and get him out and hold him close and tell him it was okay.

John was gone. John was lost in a boy with a winning smile and soft smooth human hands and eyes that saw him for exactly what he was, which was an object to be bought or sold. It made bitter bile rise in his throat, and he felt sick speaking to this John like the other John was dead. Which he was, for all intents and purposes.

He was too tired to even think of ways to get himself culled anymore. He thought he could do this, be a companion to survive, or a worker or something – _anything_ – but now he just wished for death.

What he didn’t expect was for that same John, a boy with a face he knew probably better than he knew his own, to come back. He was memory-less... but he came back.

And suddenly it didn’t matter anymore that this John was different and obviously wanted him, because there was something about him that still shone through... that was so _him_ that Karkat latched onto it like he was drowning. This was John, but it wasn’t, he hated him, but he didn’t, he was just so tired he didn’t care any longer. This John could own him and do whatever he wanted with him and Karkat would let him. And maybe being with the new John who didn’t see him as anything but an object to be used and discarded would break him the rest of the way, finally wipe out the whatever little bit of himself he had left...

But he’d do that.

For John he’d do anything. 

.


	5. Chapter 5

.

When he woke up the sun was streaming through his window and there was someone in the room with him.

John blinked, turning his head towards the door, instinctively knowing that that was where the intruder was. Sure enough the troll sat there, arms folded around his knees, chin resting on them. He was watching him silently with his golden colored eyes.

John sat up, blankets falling around his waist. “Karkat?” he asked, even though he was perfectly aware of who it was, there was only one troll it could possibly be, he hadn’t taken a contract out on two of them the day before after all.

The troll got to his feet silently and John’s eyes widened. He couldn’t see all that well without his glasses on but he could see enough to tell him that the troll was completely naked. He instantly blushed.

There was a kind of predator-like grace in the way he walked towards him that John would have appreciated more if he wasn’t so busy staring. As the troll drew closer John tried to determine what, exactly, the troll had between his legs... which was also, sadly, fuzzy, thanks to no glasses. But... John’s brow knit. Honestly, from this angle it looked like he didn’t have anything down there at all, how was that even possible?

Didn’t Dave say they had both parts? “Karkat why don’t you...” he was about to ask the troll why he didn’t have a penis, then thought better of it. “Why aren’t you wearing any clothes?” he asked instead, and the moment the words left his mouth he felt incredibly stupid. He had a companion troll on contract, it was the morning of the day after he had brought him home and said companion troll was in his room. The reason the troll wasn’t wearing any clothes was pretty freaking obvious.

And... oh shit.

John let out a little squeak as the troll reached the bed, leaned over, and kissed him.

Karkat smelt clean and felt slightly damp, like he had just gotten out of the shower. Which he probably had. John let himself be kissed and pushed back down onto the mattress, the troll climbing in after him, settling down beside him.

“Uh,” John got out as the troll broke away from the kiss. “Okay, er...” he trailed off as the Karkat went onto kiss and lick at his neck.  “Ah!” he exclaimed finally. He brought his hands up, pushing the troll back.

Karkat instantly went, sitting back on the bed, blinking owlishly at him. “... Did I upset you?” he asked, and that sharp voice had a slight strain to it, like he was worried or scared he had done something wrong.

“No!” John exclaimed. “No, um, you just surprised me is all,” he fumbled for his glasses from the bedside table, putting them on and glancing at his alarm clock. 10:30 a.m. No wonder the troll was up already. His dad would have already gotten up, prepared breakfast and left for work.  “Did you have something to eat?” he asked.

“Yeah,” the troll replied, looking faintly relieved. “Your... hatted parent prepared a lot of food.”

John cracked a smile at that. Of course he did. “Did you sleep well? How are you feeling?”

The troll gave him a look. After a moment he sighed and sat back, folding his arms across his chest. “Do you want to fuck me or not?” he asked.

John stared at him. “Well, that was rather... blunt,” he said after a moment, when his brain decided to start working again.

The troll flushed a darker grey and dropped his gaze. “Sorry, sir,” he said and there was a slight hiss to the honorific. The troll’s hands knotted into fists in the blankets. “Do you require my... services?”

John blushed darkly. “... l... um,” he replied weakly. “Well, I mean, that would be... uh...”

The troll raised his head, his mouth open, and John could see there was an incredulous look on his face now. He snapped his mouth closed quickly. “Look, just...” he shifted uncomfortably on the bed. “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it,” he muttered.

“Oh. Okay. Er...” John swallowed. This was happening a bit quicker than he expected, but he supposed he could make do. John studied the troll for a moment, then reached up, taking him by his thin shoulders. He manoeuvred them around so that he could pull the blanket free, then pushed Karkat back onto the mattress. The troll went without any protest.

John laid beside him, propped up on one elbow. He gazed down at the troll before raising a hand to run his fingers down the side of his face. The troll stared up at him, and the expression on his face was slightly lost again. John leaned down and kissed the troll on the nose, which didn’t do anything to make the lost look disappear, though he did pull a face briefly.

John giggled.

The troll shifted as John leaned down again to plant a much more meaningful kiss on the troll’s lips. He lingered, then pushed at him slightly. The troll’s mouth opened without protest and John explored with curiosity, licking along the inside of his lips, feeling the sharp inhuman teeth against his tongue. For a fleeting moment he was worried that he’d bite down, but he didn’t, if anything Karkat opened his mouth a bit wider. After a moment the troll’s tongue flicked against his own, clumsily, as if he hadn’t ever done this before and was trying to mimic what John was doing as best as he could.

For a minute or so that was all they did, and then John’s hands started to wander. He stroked down the troll’s arms, and then petted at his flat stomach. The skin was thick and soft under his hands, hairless and almost leathery. And warm. He was so warm to the touch, beyond warm, almost burning. He wondered if all trolls felt this heated. Maybe that was another reason why companion trolls were so popular. He imagined the heat would be a wonderful thing to curl up against in the winter time.

The troll mimicked his motions, his hands coming up to ghost along John arm and then land on his stomach as well. John made a noise of encouragement. That turned into a noise of surprise when that hand continued downwards, moving over the top line of his boxers and finally falling against his half hard dick. It began to rub him through the fabric.

He pulled back with a little gasp. “You don’t waste any time, do you?” he asked with surprise.

Karkat gave him a wide-eyed look and the hand jerked upwards again. John caught it quickly. “No, no, it’s okay,” he said. “It... uhhhh,” his eyelids fluttered as that hand returned and curled around him. “It just surprised me that, uh, okay that’s good,” he managed to get out. He kissed the troll again, this time with a lot more enthusiasm, getting right into it.

He swung a leg over Karkat and now he was on top of him, the troll’s hand pinned between them both, still handling him through the material of his boxers. John groaned and ground down against him.

He was surprised to feel something other than a hand move against his thigh. Just as quickly as he had gotten on top of him he scrambled off of him again and Karkat’s hand fell away. “What the hell...?”

The troll was looking away now, the skin across his cheeks much darker than before. He was blushing fiercely.

John looked back at the troll’s crotch. What was once a featureless, somewhat smooth protrusion between his legs had darkened and grown slightly... it was much more of a bump now. It was also moving slightly, pulsing…

John cautiously reached out and touched it.

Karkat let out a small cry. At the same time the bump, which was extremely warm to the touch, GREW.

John let out a squeak and jerked his hand away. “Sorry!” he apologized, looking the troll in the face again. His eyes were half lidded and he had his lip caught between his teeth. “Did I hurt you?” he asked.

For a long moment the troll didn’t respond at all. Finally he shook his head quickly.

“So is that...” John looked back at the now larger bump, trying to figure it out. “Is that your troll penis?”

That got a response out of the troll. Karkat gave him a sharp look, then let out a groan and put both of his hands over his face.

“Hey, it's a legitimate question,” John said.

The troll let out yet another groan from behind his hands. “Yes, John,” Karkat muttered. “Yes, it is a troll penis. God, can I just die now? Please.”

John was silent for a moment. “I’d rather you didn’t,” he said finally, a small smile playing at his lips.

Karkat jerked his hands away from his face and glared. “That was a rhetorical fucking question, what the fuck.”

“You get swear-y when you’re mad,” John chuckled. “Have you always been this grouchy?”

“Only when you enlighten us all with your incredible lack of deduction skills and make the most horrendously mortifying comments--” he cut himself off by clamping a hand over his mouth quickly. “Fuck, sorry,” he mumbled.

John’s eyes lit up with delight. Karkat had quite an extensive vocabulary on him. “Haha, no don’t apologize that was great.”

Karkat stared at him. “I can’t believe this. You _still_ get off on me insulting you?”

John paused, and then his brow knit in confusion. Still? He hadn’t before had he? John had a feeling like he was missing something... something big. “You mean yesterday?” he tried cautiously. “When I saw you in the cage?”

Karkat flinched. “Yeah,” he said quickly. “Then.” He drew in a deep breath, then let it out again. “So, John,” he said, his voice low again. “Are we going to get back to...?” he made a hand motion down his body.

 John spared a glance at the troll’s crotch again. It had gone back to being a featureless and smooth bulge.  “I think your troll penis lost interest,” he commented.

“Oh for _fucks sake_.” Karkat reached between his legs, and John watched, fascinated, as the troll started to rub himself. Within moments the bump was back, and as John watched expert fingers rubbed at it, encouraging it to pull away and grow. He could see now that it had been there the entire time, it just lay somewhat flat and faded into the rest of his skin, all neat and safely tucked away. Now that it had grown it definitely looked more... rounded, human shaped. The troll’s other hand came down beside it and then further, and finally disappeared under it.

“Hey, what?” The troll shot him a glare but John wasn’t paying attention, instead he shifted further on the bed so that he could take a look at what that other hand was up to. Sure enough and John flushed at the sight of fingers disappearing into something further down between his legs.

“... is that your troll vagina?”

Karkat’s hands fell away suddenly. John looked back up at his face to find it was scrunched up into a grimace. “That’s it,” the troll muttered. “I give up. I thought this would be the most traumatizing experience of my extraordinarily pathetic life, but no, it’s just excruciatingly embarrassing beyond compare. I can’t do this.”

John had grinned at the beginning of the troll’s rant, happy to have embarrassed him again (because he was really funny when he was embarrassed) but his smile quickly faded into a frown. “... Traumatizing?” he asked. “You’re being sarcastic right?”

The troll’s eyes snapped wide. “Fuck. Yes. Right. I was. Forget I said that,” he said. “Forget I said anything.”

... Something was wrong. “Karkat, what?” John’s brow knit.

The troll swallowed and gave him a pleading look. “Look, just... get on with it already,” he said. He raised the hand that had just been between his legs, and two fingers were coated in a clearish, slightly shiny substance. “I’m all ready to go,” he spread his legs a bit wider and John could see that he definitely had a female part down there and it indeed looked slick and ready to go. “Just do your thing,” he looked away again, turning his head towards the door.

John frowned, deeply. He hadn’t thought about this before and he was fairly sure if he had bought a different troll on contract he wouldn’t have been thinking about this now either...

But there was definitely something wrong, and it was right there in front of him, in the way Karkat was lying there with his legs spread, his hands laying limp at his sides as he looked away.

And now he felt he had to ask. He had to. The contract had said they signed up for this stuff, but screw the contract. “Do you even want to?” he asked quietly.

The troll let out another groan, bringing his hands up to cover his face again. “John, don’t do this,” he said in a pleading voice. “Just... don’t, okay? Just do what you bought me to do already and get it over with.”

John’s eyes widened. That wasn’t a yes. And ‘get it over with’?

“No,” John said out loud. There was determination in his voice now. This wasn’t right, none of it was right if the troll wasn’t willing. And the troll was currently curling in on himself, hands still covering his face. “No, hey,” John reached out, trying to pry the troll’s hands away from his face.  That got him an elbow to the neck for his efforts. “Karkat!”

“Stop it,” the troll replied, his voice cracking now. “Stop pretending you care!”

John bristled at that even as he tried to wrestle the troll back around. “I do care! I wouldn’t have bought you if I didn’t care, why the hell are you...” he managed to get the troll’s hands away from his face, but the troll wouldn’t look at him, his face scrunched up in despair. He was pulling in wet gasps of breath. “Hey,” John said in a gentler voice. “Come on, Karkat...”

“Stop,” the troll groaned.

“I meant what I said yesterday...”

“Stop!” the troll snapped, his eyes opening again and tears shone in them, along with sudden fury. He started to struggle against the hold John had on him. “Fuck, let me go!”

“No!” John snapped back. He had the troll’s wrists pinned on either side of his head, and he pressed his entire body weight down on him in attempts to keep him restrained. “Listen to me, I’m not going to let you... AOW.”

The troll had raised his head and sunk his teeth into John’s shoulder.

Pain hit him like a splash of color against a dull grey background. John gasped, then cried out, trying to pull up and away. For some reason that just made the troll bite harder.

“OW, _fuck_... stop!” John exclaimed, letting go of the troll’s wrists in order to try to get his head away from his shoulder. For a second Karkat didn't respond, and then the troll released the hold he had with his teeth and went stiff still and then limp, letting go of John completely to fall back onto the bed with a solid thump. As John watched he flinched, hugely, eyes squeezing shut and teeth tightly clenched.

“Sorry,” the troll muttered. “Sorry, I’m sorry...”

Oh God, not this crap again. John let him go quickly. Obviously pinning the troll was a bad idea. And now he was cowering. “Okay,” John said.  He pushed to the side. “That kind of hurt,” he added. He bought his hand up to his shoulder, feeling the teeth marks. At least the skin didn’t feel terribly torn, but when he brought his hand away again he could see it was smeared with blood. He wiped his hand off on his boxers. Meanwhile the troll was trying to roll away from him and John quickly forgot about the bite. He reached out, grabbing him quickly around the waist. The troll struggled as John pulled his back against him, hugging him to his chest.

“What... what are you...” there was panic in the troll’s voice.

“Stay still,” John ordered. The troll actually let out a small whimpering sound and did so, or tried to. John sighed, then pressed his cheek against the shaking troll’s shoulder blade. “Calm down,” he said. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he added when the shaking seemed to increase. It made him feel a bit sick that he even had to say it. “This is called cuddling and we’re going to do it until you calm down and I calm down and we can both have a normal conversation without you freaking out.”

The troll managed to do as he was asked, relaxed by degrees, and finally let out a shuddering sigh as he went completely limp. He didn’t try to move away and remained motionless in John’s arms.

The twinge, that feeling that he was missing something was back again, stronger than before. John frowned as he considered, trying to figure out what that missing thing was.

His mind started to try to sort everything out. The first thing was that Karkat obviously wasn’t a regular companion troll. He got that already, loud and clear. He was injured, not physically, but mentally, and John hardly thought he’d make a good companion troll to anyone. Or maybe he would, but John shuddered at the thought of his already damaged troll going through the motions with someone else. Would that be considered rape? Was it rape if they don’t say anything and they sign contracts saying humans are allowed to do anything they want with them? If they get paid for it? The companion trolls always looked so happy, so it probably wasn’t that bad. ... Or maybe they were happy because they got money? But the way Dave spoke about his troll, it sounded like she was always up for anything and was amazing at all of it. But then, the contract Dave had on her gave her a good amount of money...

GAH, this entire mess was confusing. And the more he thought of it, the more he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Why do trolls even sign up to be companions instead of workers? Why did Karkat? Was only because of the money and they actually hated sex? It wasn’t like they were even the same species, so that was a very real possibility. Did Dave’s troll actually secretly hate him? God, Dave would be devastated, he adored her.

Hell, what if they were all like Karkat? And they all did it because they they had too... even Karkat had tried to get John to sleep with him, and geez, that had been a near thing too. If it wasn’t for John deciding that there was something wrong, they would have been done by now... and that chapter of his life would have come to a happy close and he would have entered today as a brand new man. Or something.

But he hadn’t and that brought up even _more_ unpleasant thoughts. If he had slept with Karkat what state would the troll be in right now? Really? Would he have flipped out more? Would John have had to send him back for being impossible to handle?

Would they put him down like a disobedient pet? Hell, he had already gotten bitten, (his shoulder throbbed), if Karkat was a pet dog and he was the next door neighbour...

John drew in a sharp breath and pulled Karkat a bit closer to him. The troll stiffened in his arms and John loosened his hold instantly. “Shh,” he said quietly. “It’s okay,” and he patted the troll’s shoulder. The troll relaxed again, and John’s petting went on absently as he continued to think.

So, all that very confusing contract stuff aside, what about the troll himself? Karkat was uncooperative (though he was cooperating fine right now), ranty, bitey, intelligent, didn’t give a damn about being respectful to anyone and pretty much acted like he assumed a regular person would who was put into a situation they didn’t like. He also knew a John in his past that looked just like John, except that John was dead. The reason why he took out a contract on Karkat in the first place was because Dave...

Something clicked, and John’s eyes widened.

_Dave_.

Dave... used to make up long confusing stories about how he and a couple of their other friends had played a really elaborate game together once... John just hadn’t thought about it in over three years because back then it had just been Dave making shit up. But there was one thing Dave said during those stories that John remembered _now_... something about how there were trolls playing the game with them, just like regular kids. John already knew Dave was making it all up, but that really helped, human kids usually didn’t even see trolls except from at a distance, unless their family was rich enough to have one on a worker or companion contract.

But what if...

No, that was crazy.

Absolutely nuts.

Except it _had_ been Dave who wanted him to buy Karkat in the first place...

... Naw, it was still nuts.

He drew a deep breath. He reached up, running his fingers through the troll’s thick, untamed hair.  After a couple minutes of being petted a soft, barely noticeable rumble welled up from the troll’s chest.

For a second John thought the troll was growling at him, but the sound was too soft and too constant. He sat up enough to peak around at the trolls face. His eyes were half-lidded, and he actually looked, well, content.

John smiled himself, which widened into a grin as he lay back down again. The heavy feeling that had been pressing down on him since Karkat had told him to get it over with lifted somewhat.

“Are you... purring?” he asked.

“hghhhh,” was the nonsense reply from the troll. He stretched out along John’s body, then curled in on himself again, with just his back still remaining pressed up against John’s chest. “... don’t stop...” he added in a drowsy voice.

“Haha, okay,” John replied, and the relief he felt was incredible. He resumed stroking the troll’s hair. He ruffled it around the short little horns, then embedded his fingers and went back to running them through the wild mess. After a few moments the soft rumbling sounds started up again.

Yeah... he’ll have a talk with Dave anyway about his crazy fantasies... and his less crazy relationship with his troll.

As soon as he was done playing with Karkat’s hair and pulling the most amazing sounds from him.

.


	6. Chapter 6

.

“So no more biting,” John said, making a face in the bathroom mirror as he ran a washcloth over the neat little puncture wounds. Karkat sat on the toilet seat beside him, now dressed in John’s old clothing and looking duly chastised. “I – ow – don’t want to send you back, and you don’t want to go back, but my dad might make me if you keep biting. Especially if you keep biting hard enough to break skin.”

“I’m sorry,” the troll muttered.

“Well, I’m sorry for pinning you down. We can both be sorry together,” John dropped the washcloth in the sink and grabbed a dry towel, blotting the wounds before going for the pack of band-aids. A couple adhesive strips later and the round little mouth impression in the junction where his neck met his shoulders was covered up. “There,” John said with mild satisfaction. He turned back to the troll. “I need to get some stuff done, but, um... there’s a T.V. in the guest room. Wanna watch some movies or something?”

Karkat gave him a slightly suspicious look. “Do the movies have Nicholas Cage in them?” he asked.

John laughed out loud at that. “Hah, I used to love his movies,” he started to herd Karkat out of the bathroom and down the hall. “I have more than just Nicholas Cage movies, don’t worry,” he added in response to the look on the troll’s face.

.

About fifteen minutes later he had Karkat settled in with “Truly, Madly, Deeply” (the troll wanted to watch a romance for some odd reason) and had logged into his computer to finally have his chat with Dave.  
.

.

.

EB: hi.

TG: hey  
TG: hows the virginity thing working out for you

EB: it’s not.  
EB: my troll is cranky.

TG: huh  
TG: thats not supposed to happen  
TG: you can get that from regular humans  
TG: trolls are supposed to be all over that shit

EB: right. dave, I had a question...

TG: uh oh

EB: remember when you used to tell me long ass stories about some stupid game? back years ago?

TG: yeah  
TG: what did karkat say

EB: aha! see there, how did you know i was asking because of my troll? what does karkat have to do with your old stories?

TG: its long ass story  
TG: you dont want to hear it  
TG: it will go on forever and youll tell me im making shit up again

EB: okay, lets pretend i remember half the crap you told me back three years ago. And lets take this a step further and pretend i believe you. you said there were trolls in that game of yours. was karkat one of them?

TG: i dunno if i should tell you anything bro

EB: look dave, just tell me something okay? i have a troll here who seems to remember someone who looks just like me and has the exact same name as me and he has more problems than i can count. the only connection I can see are your dumb old stories. so just tell me what i need to know.

TG: okay okay  
TG: officially i have no idea what youre talking about  
TG: but maybe in a totally theoretical way  
TG: i might have known your troll from this time before that you dont believe in  
TG: and maybe i have his exgirlfriend on contract

EB: ... he had a girlfriend?

TG: yeah  
TG: i mean i think so it might have been a one way thing

EB: ... so he’s straight?

TG: egbert sometimes its embarrassing to know you  
TG: trolls dont give a fuck about gender they have both parts remember  
TG: either way  
TG: it doesnt matter she doesnt remember me

EB: then why do you remember?

TG: i dont this is just some elaborate fantasy  
TG: hahaha  
TG: i don’t know havent been able to figure that one out  
TG: i probably messed with time too much  
TG: and whatever created this fucked up universe didn’t know how to deal with the ultimate coolness that is me  
TG: etc  
TG: i would tell you to tell him terezi is safe but he will probably wig out and then you will have to deal with all that shit  
TG: doesnt matter anyway she doesn’t remember him either

EB: so was she your girlfriend or something?

TG:  yeah  
TG: something

EB: but that’s got to suck for you if she doesn’t remember you

TG: yeah but i deal its cool  
TG: im happy shes here and not with some gross asshole pawing her up

EB: makes sense, I guess.  
EB: what about karkat and I? Was he my boyfriend or something?

TG: hahaha  
TG: naw  
TG: i mean he had a serious thing for you it was pretty fucking obvious he talked about you all the time  
TG: but you were all i dont think karkat sees me that way dave  
TG: you were tight though pretty good friends by the end there

EB: is that why you had me get him on contract?

TG: well that and  
TG: you need to get going on that virginity thing frankly its embarrassing  
TG: may as well be with someone who had a jonesing for you once

EB: I think that just makes it worse for him. he’s already a wreck.

TG: better you than with someone else or dead  
TG: knowing him probably dead  
TG: im surprised he made it this long if he remembers  
TG: anyway  
TG: keep an eye on him until i get there i need to speak to him

EB:  wait, you’re coming to visit?

TG: yeah we need talk and not online  
TG: couple days okay with you

.  
  
For a long time after John logged off he just sat and stared at his computer screen. Finally he got to his feet and walked down the hall to the guest bedroom.

He knocked on the door instead of walking in like he would have the day before. The fiasco that morning and the conversation with Dave had changed... well, a lot of things.  

“Karkat, can I come in?” he asked.

There was silence for a moment. “Why the hell are you asking, it’s your house.”

John shrugged even though there was no one there to see him shrug. When he opened the door the troll sat in the center of his pile again, arms around his legs as he sat watching the movie.

He walked over to him and after a small hesitation sat next to him against the wall. The troll glanced at him, then returned his attention to the movie.

John picked up the troll’s hand and entwined their fingers together, which Karkat let him do without protest. He leaned his head on Karkat’s shoulder and the troll let him do that too.

He felt...

Badly, to be perfectly honest. If any of what Dave had said was true...

“I wish I remembered you,” he said quietly.

The troll stiffened slightly. “What?” he said.

John raised his head to look at him. “I’m your John, aren’t I? And I don’t remember you.”

The trolls eyes widened. For a long moment he didn’t do anything, then he looked away quickly. “It wasn’t you,” he said.

“Karkat...”

The troll reclaimed his hand. “Stop it, John,” he said.

John took his arm and tugged on it. “Can I kiss you?” he asked.

That got the troll’s attention. He turned back again, his eyes wide. “Why are you even ask—“

John kissed him. He kissed him like he meant it, like it was the last time he’d be able to and he wanted to savor every second of it.

The troll froze for a moment, then kissed him back just as hard, his arms coming up to wrap around John’s neck. When he broke away both of them were panting slightly, and Karkat looked a little bit stunned.

John smiled at him sadly.

Karkat frowned. “Why are you...?”

John shook his head. “Never mind. Come here,” he pulled the troll into a hug.  

The troll was smaller than him by nearly a head, which made it easier for John to kind of maneuver him into his lap. Karkat figured out what he wanted. John waited until the troll rearranged himself and got settled against his chest, then wrapped his arms around him and just held him, pressing a quick kiss to one of the troll’s horns before he looked up at the TV again. The troll relaxed in his arms, laying his head on John’s shoulder, his eyes half closed.

John felt like he was on a countdown timer. The movie had about a half hour left. He had about a half hour left to just hold and appreciate his troll, before he ruined everything by telling him about Dave’s stories. He supposed that meant he believed Dave.

And he was scared of losing Karkat.

The moment Karkat knew, he would belong to a version of himself that no longer existed. His beautiful angry troll was never his in the first place and probably never would be. Right now he really, really wished the movie wouldn’t end.

 .

The movie ended.

John indulged a little bit longer, even going as so far as giving the little troll a rock before he gently scooped him back out of his lap. He sat back, leaning against the wall and giving the troll a significant look. “We need to talk,” he started carefully.

What he didn’t expect was the pure panic that came to the troll’s eyes the moment he said that. “I’m sorry,” he breathed. “I’m sorry, I’ll do better, I promise I won’t bite anymore, it was an accident, I panicked and I—“

“No!” John reached out and clamped a hand over his mouth and nearly got bit again for his troubles. Instead the troll sat, stiff as a board, teeth barely grazing the bare skin of his palm and terrified eyes staring up at him. John winced.

“Listen to me. I’m _not_  sending you back. I’m going to remove my hand and I want you to not freak out, okay? Can you do that?”

Karkat nodded slowly.

“Okay, good,” John sat back against the wall again and heaved a sigh of relief. He considered and then decided to go right for the exact thing that Dave told him not to do. At least it would get the freaking out over with quicker. “I just finished chatting with Dave and he said you’d wig out of I told you that Terezi is safe.”

The expression on Karkat’s face was almost comical. First he looked confused, then eyes widened and his face drained of color completely, his mouth falling open. It opened and closed a couple times before he managed to choke out two words. “He knows.”

John nodded. “He said she doesn’t remember anything though, including you,” he added. “I’m sorry.”

Karkat shook his head quickly, his eyes wild. “But  _Dave_  knows! HE  _REMEMBERS_!” Within seconds the troll was scrambling to his feet, frantic. “Where the FUCK is your computer?!”

John let out a little laugh of amusement mixed with amazement. “In my room. Yes, you can use it...”

Karkat was already gone.

.

.

.

EB: DO YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF DAVE? CAN YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT KNOWING WHAT AN ASTRONOMICAL FUCK UP YOU ARE? HOW DOES IT FEEL BEING THE COMPLACENT PARTICIPANT IN THE SYSTEMATIC SUBJUGATION AND TORTURE OF THE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATING YOUR HORRIBLE PUTRID RACE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

TG: hahaha hi karkat  
TG: long time no talk how are you buddy

EB: FUCK YOU

TG: yeah pretty much expected that

EB: SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HELLISH THE LAST THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE HAVE BEEN? YOU DO KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO TROLLS AT THE TRAINING FACILITIES DON’T YOU? I BELIEVE YOUR HUMAN HOUSE PLANTS ARE TREATED BETTER THAN WE ARE

TG: yeah  
TG: terezi came from one of those  
TG: shes okay by the way

EB: THANK GOD FOR THAT AT LEAST. HOW DID YOU FIND HER?

TG: companion database  
TG: sorry

EB: OKAY. I’LL SAY THIS ONCE AND I’LL NEVER SAY IT AGAIN. I WOULD MUCH RATHER HER BE WITH YOU THAN ANYONE ELSE ON THIS FESTERING PUSTULE OF A PLANET.

TG: thanks karkat means a lot man

EB: INCIDENTLY I’D LIKE VERY MUCH TO TEAR OFF THAT SMUG SANCTIMONIOUS LOOK THAT I’M SURE YOUR WEARING ON YOUR FACE RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE. IMAGINE YOU’RE IN THE ROOM WITH ME RIGHT NOW. AND NOW IMAGINE ME STRIVING VERY HARD NOT TOO. IT IS DIFFICULT, I ASSURE YOU.

TG: i missed you too

EB: SO MIND TELLING ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU’VE BEEN UP TOO DURING THE LAST THREE YEARS? BESIDES FONDLY EXCHANGING GENETIC MATERIAL AND YOUR GROSS HUMAN LIQUIDS WITH A TROLL THAT DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE? HOW DOES THAT FEEL DAVE? PRETTY FUCKING GOOD I EXPECT.

TG: this is going about as well as i thought it would  
TG: calm down for a minute  
TG: get yourself together  
TG: im going to change the subject  
TG: and answer your question  
TG: weve been looking for you guys  
TG: i cant get into too much detail online but weve found sollux

EB: SOLLUX?  _SOLLUX_? I THOUGHT THEY KILLED THE ONES WITH THE FREAKY MIND POWERS.

TG: maybe but hes alive  
TG: jade knows where he is  
TG: she says he might remember stuff but she cant tell because hes kind of crazy now

EB: OH MY GOD I DON’T EVEN CARE I JUST WANT TO SEE THAT ASSHOLE AGAIN

TG: that depends on some things  
TG: if everything goes okay you might  
TG: im working on it  
TG: you and me and maybe sollux are the only ones that remember  
TG: jade is just on board cause she loves your friend  
TG: which is all fine whatever  
TG: rose still treats me like her patient  
TG: she is humoring me i think  
TG: i found kanaya for her

EB: KANAYA!

TG: yeah they work together now  
TG: rose got a summer job at one of those troll babymaking places  
TG: dont ask i dont even know  
TG: they really get along well though if you know what i mean

EB: IS SHE OKAY?

TG: yeah shes fine  
TG: doesnt remember a thing  
TG: her personality is still the same  
TG: very  
TG: deliberate  
TG: did you see anyone else

EB: JUST EQUIUS. HE DIDN’T REMEMBER A DAMN THING EITHER.

TG: yeah thats the problem  
TG: everything has to be carefully planned  
TG: cause no one knows anything  
TG: i kind of have to push people together  
TG: like some sort of sick alien human matchmaker  
TG: you were a fluke btw  
TG: ive been looking for you but nothing

EB: THAT’S BECAUSE I WAS BUSY BEING TORTURED BY HUMANS IN THE MIDDLE OF A GOD DAMNED DESERT FOR THREE YEARS WHAT THE FUCK

TG: i know  
TG: and i know you would have shown up in the database eventually but im glad egbert found you  
TG: hey try to be nice to him okay  
TG: he might not remember but hes still a good guy  
TG: and your mood swings are stressing him out

EB: I HATE YOU

TG: yup  
TG: im going to go now  
TG: great chatting with you karkat a pleasure as always  
TG: hang tight i will see you both soon

.

.

.

John kind of hovered, half-worried as Karkat pounded away at his keyboard. When he was done, or at least seemed to be done, the troll kind of just sat there, looking at the screen blankly. There was a curved grin on his face however, one that showed off almost all of his teeth.

“Karkat?” he asked cautiously as he approached him. What he totally didn’t expect was to suddenly have an armful of troll as Karkat launched off of the desk chair and at him.

 “Hey, hey, whoa!” he hugged him back, patting him on the shoulder reassuringly. The troll was laughing now, almost manically. “So I guess you and Dave were friends in that game thing?” he definitely sounded and was acting like he had just talked to a long lost friend, complete with the enthusiastic hugging which he had turned on John, probably because Dave wasn’t there to actually hug.

That just seemed to make the troll laugh more. “Dave? Fuck no, I hate Dave.”

John was now thoroughly confused. “Oh,” he said. “What?”

“I’m feeling a bit more charitable towards him right now, however,” the troll amended.

John was still confused. “Er...” he glanced over at his computer chat window and caught a glimpse of a wall of grey capslock. “... I don’t suppose you’ll let me read what you wrote to him?” he asked hopefully.

Karkat let him go and shrugged. “You’re not going to understand most of it,” he said. “But... yeah, okay I guess.”

John glanced at him but he didn’t appear to be angry or anything... if anything a little bit nervous, but nothing more. He carefully sat down and scrolled up. Karkat went over to flop down on the bed, folding his hands behind his head.

“Dude,” John said about thirty seconds later.  “You were tortured?”

Karkat sat up instantly. “Out of everything in that conversation, you chose to pick _that_  out?” he exclaimed incredulously.

“Yeah. God, I’m sorry, that explains so much...”

Karkat made an irritated hand wave. “It happened, whatever. Oh look, talking about something else now,” he laid back down on the bed. “What else?”

John considered pushing it for a moment, then decided against it. He scrolled back up through the log. “Well... you hate humans, and Dave seems to be okay with you being a complete dick to him,” to tell all truth, that was what stunned him the most. Karkat was light years beyond being disrespectful. This was way beyond anything he had thrown at John so far either. Karkat was pure seething rage... at least on the computer screen. And Dave had acted like this was perfectly normal, even expected.

Who was his troll anyway? And... “You created our race?” he asked.

“I’m not going to even touch that one,” Karkat said, peering up at the ceiling like he was bored. “What else, John?”  

John heaved a sigh. “Well, it looks like Dave is currently on a troll rescue mission of some sort. He sort of mentioned that to me earlier as well. I’m guessing that is why he’s coming to visit.”

Karkat made a noise in the affirmative. “I’m not sure what he’s planning either, but you’re probably right.”

John turned back around, and gave the troll a look. “... I have one last question.”

Karkat turned his head and raised an eyebrow at him.

John drew a deep breath. “Did you hate me just as much as you hate Dave? I mean in the game. Before now. Or even now. Because... holy crap.”

Karkat gave him an incredulous look for a moment, then rolled his eyes and got off the bed. “I don’t  _actually_ hate Dave, I was just being a douche. And no, I don’t hate you either, John,” he said as he approached. “I never did,” he paused and seemed to consider for a moment, then gave John a small, almost secretive smile. “In fact deep down I’m sure I’ve always been pretty okay with you.”

.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is an uncomfortable discussion about consent issues in this part. Might be disturbing to some. Also contains overlymatureforhisage!John.

.

John couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation Karkat had with Dave that day, turning it over and over in his head. The entire conversation shook him more than he expected, not just the raw seething rage Karkat had decided to spew at his old friend… all of it.

There was so much to absorb. Dave had said the trolls had been regular kids like them in the game, which would mean that all trolls in that… whatever it was, universe or what have you… were just the same as humans, weren’t property of any government. That brought him to one very distressing conclusion.

_My entire world is wrong._

If it wasn’t, Dave was a liar, Karkat knew Dave somehow, and this was the most elaborate prank anyone had ever played on him. A prank that was three years in the making, because that was when Dave first started talking about this. But he  _believed_  Dave… and more than that he believed Karkat. There was something desperately genuine about Karkat’s reaction to Dave. Even in the ranting, the relief the troll felt shone through.

And everything that Karkat had said… he had a lot of thinking and sorting things out in his head to do.

.

He decided the best way to do that was to get out of the house.

He fed the troll first, making them both sandwiches, to which the troll ate with unexpected neatness, taking small bites and chewing thoroughly before swallowing. John realized they had probably taught him to be polite while eating at that horrible school of his.

After lunch the troll followed him back upstairs to his room and stood there in the center of his room with his hands stuffed in his pockets. John looked about his room and heaved a sigh.

“Can you take care of yourself for a bit? I need to go for a walk,” he asked Karkat.

That got him an incredulous look in return. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” the troll retorted.

John gave him a half smile and went to his closet.

He dug around until he found his old laptop. It was slow as hell but it still worked, he got his new one when he couldn’t play the games he wanted to on it anymore. He brought it out and went over to sit on the bed. He booted it up and made sure it could connect to the Internet.

“Here,” he said, once he had checked everything out. He held it out towards the troll. “This is yours.”

The troll just stared at him.

John looked from the troll to the laptop and back again. “What?” he asked. He turned it about so that Karkat could see the screen. “Look, I already have chat installed, so now you can yell at Dave all you want in private.”

The troll still looked confused, though he took a cautious step towards John. “You’re… giving it to me?” he asked.

“Well, yeah,” John replied. “I’m not using it. As long as you’re here, this’ll be your computer. Go nuts, do whatever. Just… don’t research how to make bombs or anything like that, I don’t want to get arrested.”

Karkat walked the rest of the way over and hesitantly took the computer from John.

“Great,” John said, getting to his feet. “I’ll be back,” he added. He made for the door.

“John, wait,” he turned back again in time to see Karkat put the laptop down on the bed. The troll walked up to him. “Thanks,” he said. He raised himself up on tiptoes, but John took a step back before the troll could land a kiss.

Utter confusion flashed across Karkat’s face and he actually stumbled a tiny bit. John reached out and patted his shoulder consolingly. “You don’t have to kiss me just because you’re grateful,” he said with a small smile. “I’ll be back in a little while,” he added as he turned and left the room.

.

He felt a bit guilty abandoning the troll, but it was nice to get outside. Living so close to the ocean meant that it was usually never too hot out – and today there was a light breeze as well, making it a perfect summer day. Several of his neighbours were out trimming their lawns or watering their gardens, the ones that knew him nodded their hellos.

John stopped when he came to one of the bigger houses, one that had a troll working in the garden instead of a human. For a few minutes he watched the troll, the big sweeping expanse of his back as he worked, the way his muscles rippled as he turned this way and that. John had completely forgotten how huge adult trolls could get, and looking at this worker made him realize why the companion trade was mostly – if not all – teenagers…

And that made him think of something he had never thought about before.

They’re teenagers.

They’re kids, the same age as me, and adult humans are taking out contracts on them and oh _fuck_ that’s…

John felt a little bit sick.

“This is wrong,” he said out loud.

The worker troll looked up, raising his head and turning towards John. He looked even bigger now that he was standing straight, his skin a darker grey than Karkat’s, his fangs sharp and pointy with a matching set of even pointier horns on his head. His eyes were an unexpected bright teal-green color. John wondered briefly if Karkat would end up the same size as this worker, but decided just as quickly that he probably wouldn’t. He was already small for a teen compared to the other companion trolls, which meant, if they were anything like humans, his adult form would be smaller as well.

“Pardon me, sir?” the worker troll asked. His voice was thick and gravelly, almost as if from disuse.

“I just,” John realized just as quickly that he had no idea what to say. He had never engaged a worker troll in any conversation beyond a polite ‘hello how are you’. He was sure he had done that polite greeting thing to this troll before; he had been working at this house forever. He wondered why he had never thought to talk to him more. Maybe because he felt he didn’t have the right to talk to someone else’s property?  

“I just took out a contract on a companion troll,” he said finally. “And I was just… thinking it was kind of wrong for humans to be taking out contracts on young trolls because they’re so young,” John felt kind of embarrassed. “I mean, compared to the humans.”

“Ah,” the worker troll seemed to consider for a moment. “Trolls do mature faster than humans, sir. They are perfectly capable of performing the duties required of them from a very young age.”

“… so you don’t think it’s wrong?” John asked.

The troll’s eyes widened. “Not at all, sir,” he said, and sounded sincere. “I was a companion troll before I reached final maturation. Those years of my life were easy and pleasant, I think back on them fondly.”

John’s eyes widened just at the very thought of this huge troll being a companion. But, again, growth spurt....

“My troll seems kind of scared,” John said.

Understanding seemed to cross the troll’s face. “I see, sir. Perhaps you should consider sending her..?”

“Him.”

“Him back,” the troll completed. “It is possible your troll would be more suited to labour than companionship.”

John stared at him. “I don’t want to send him back,” the truth ached more than he expected.

The troll gave him a long look, then lowered his gaze. “Then I do not know how I can be of further service to you, sir,” he said. “But I wish you luck in your endeavours.” 

John let out a little huff of frustration. “Well, thanks I guess.” He turned to walk away, only to have the troll call out to him.

John turned back.

The troll seemed to hesitate a moment before taking a couple shuffling steps towards John and bowing his head slightly to show his respect. “I do not presume to know anything about you, sir, but you are young,” he looked up again and continued when he saw John didn’t look upset. “Young humans and trolls feel very strongly about many things. If I may offer a small token of advice?”

John nodded mutely.

The troll lowered his voice. “Do not get too attached to your companion, sir, no matter how you feel for him. He is not yours and they can take him from you at any moment. You would be good to keep to your own kind, if not for your sake - for the sake of your troll.” 

John stared at him for a long while, before comprehension set in. “You… you were in love with a human once?” he asked.

The troll looked away. “I’d rather not speak of it, if it pleases you, sir,” he looked back at John with a sad expression on his face. “It was a very long time ago. But, please, consider my words,” he turned back to his garden. 

John stood there for a long time, considering that. “Thanks,” he said finally.

The troll nodded. “You are welcome, sir,” he said, and there was a cheerful lit to his voice again. “Have a very pleasant day.”

.

Karkat seemed happy when he got home closer to evening, giving him a toothy smile when he returned. Dinner was quiet, but not strained, with John’s dad merely asking if they were getting along well and giving an approving nod when they both answered in the affirmative.

The troll helped his dad put the dishes in the dishwasher, attentive as he followed Mr. Egbert’s instructions on how to stack the dishes right. They both excused themselves after that and John led the way back into his room. He let the troll in first, and then followed him in, closing the door behind himself.

“We need to talk,” he said.

Karkat’s shoulders stiffened, then he slumped forwards a bit. “I hate it when you say that,” he muttered.

“I know,” John replied. “Sorry,” he made a hand motion for Karkat to have a seat on the bed and sat at his desk chair himself. “I’ll get right to the point I guess…” he said with a small laugh once they were settled. Karkat was giving him a very wary look now and John sighed. He would never escape this, would he? “Why did you decide to become a companion?” he asked.

Karkat looked shocked for a moment, then visibly grit his teeth. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he said.

“We’re going to talk about it,” John replied, his voice leaving no room for argument.

Karkat argued anyway. "What? Why? Because you like making me suffer? Haven't I been through enough? God, you’re ruining the first somewhat t happy day I’ve had in a very long time. Maybe ever. Bye-bye happy day. God fucking damn it, John!”

“I’m sorry,” John said sincerely when the troll was done. "But I need to know what’s going on here. Please."

The troll glared, teeth still clenched. “Fine,” he hissed. “I became a companion for the money. If I earned enough I could get away without having to work myself to death and maybe even find a way to escape,” he scratched behind his ear where John knew his tracker was. “More money means more time means more chances to survive shit and get out with my skin intact. That good enough for you?”

“Hmm,” John replied. “The only problem is… well there are a lot of problems but – anyway. You find the idea of sex with humans repulsive.”

“I find  _humans_  repulsive,” Karkat returned sharply.

“So, this morning…”

“Oh, _God_ …” the troll groaned.

“This morning you definitely did  _not_  want to have sex with me.”

The troll put his head in his hands. “It doesn’t  _matter_  what I wanted,” he said, his voice muffled. “The contract…”

“Forget about the stupid contract for a second!” John interrupted. “Look. Listen to me – I’m not dumb, if you don’t want to have sex, that’s rape. Ergo, I nearly raped you.”

Karkat removed his hands and stared bleakly at him. “It wasn’t. I told you you could. I was  _willing_.”

“’Get it over with’ is really willing.” John shot back at him.

“Stop it!” Karkat returned, hands coming up again. “Stop doing this, oh my god. It’s just sex. It doesn’t matter. If I’m not with you, I’m with someone else, and instead of just having my bulge tugged and nook stuffed I ALSO have to worry about if I’m going to live though whatever shit they decide to put me through that day. I much,  _much_  rather be with you.”

“… there’s a clause in the contract…” John began.

“I thought we were forgetting the contract!”

“Okay, fine,” John snapped back. “But there are protections in place so you at VERY least don’t get badly hurt.” He looked and felt extremely disturbed. “Please don’t tell me this is even more fucked up than I thought –“

“Well, guess what John it is,” The troll hissed. “There wasn’t any fucking contract at the school. Human do whatever – and I do mean WHATEVER - they damn well please, and it doesn’t fucking matter what any of us think. In less than a month I’ll be going back there and there isn’t anything you can do about it. In fact,” he scooted up to the front of the bed. “If you don’t want me for anything, you may as well send me back now and get it over with! Here, I’ll make it easier for you and make the call myself!” he got up.

John looked shaken. “Don’t even think about it,” he said. “And sit down.” Karkat obeyed him and sat. “First of all, Dave told me to keep you here until he gets here. I know he told you that too. Secondly you’re not going back,” John said. “You’re never going back to that place.”

Karkat glared at him. “You don’t get to decide that,” he replied.

“Dave will think of something,” John replied, and now he sounded stubborn. “Also, I’m not holding you to anything in that damn contract.”

“Oh my god, what is even the point?!” Karkat exclaimed. “You want me, it’s fairly fucking obvious! So what? Are we going to tip-toe around each other and pretend that doesn’t exist for the next two weeks? Really?” he gave John an anguished look. “Don’t do that to me, John. Please. If you’re going to keep me, at very least let me fill my contract. Please.  _Please_ ,” he drew a ragged breath. “Just let me do what I was trained to do.”

“… so you want me to have sex with you even though you find it repulsive?” John raised an eyebrow at the troll.

“I want you to do what you’re supposed to do with me!” Karkat exploded. “If I were any other troll you wouldn’t even be thinking about this!”

“If you were any other troll I would have never bought you in the first place! I’d continue my life in ignorance and what the hell makes you think I want to go back to that?”

Karkat looked pained. “John…” he began.

“Look,” John said, holding up his hands. “Listen to me and stop talking for a bit. Can you do that?”

Karkat glared but was silent. Thankfully.

John drew a deep breath. “I thought of something when I was out walking around today. Say you,” he pointed at Karkat. “Were a normal human boy from my class at school. Say I grew up with that kid and I knew him really well. And then three years ago they took that kid I grew up with away and they took him somewhere and they  _beat_ him, and they told him that…”

“John  _don’t_ …”

“Just stop it!” John exclaimed. “I really need to say this, Karkat, please.” He added in a calmer voice.

The troll fell silent again, though the stubborn look on his face remained.

“So they took the kid and they told him that he has a choice… he can either work really really hard for the rest of his life for shitty wages, or he can sign a piece of paper that says anyone at all can pay to have sex with him, even gross ugly old men, and he’ll have no say in it at all or even if they’ll be gentle or rough, and it doesn’t matter cause he’ll get paid more than whatever he’d get working his ass off somewhere...”

Karkat twisted where he sat and looked like he was going to protest again.

John shot him another glare and Karkat remained silent. “And then, and then, say I see this boy, this normal human boy, who still remembers his entire childhood and life before now and he’s trapped in a cage with a big ‘for sale’ sign attached…” John had to pause for a moment despite himself. 

“ _John_ …” Karkat’s voice was a pained hiss.

John ignored him and grimly pressed on. “And let’s take this a step further, since we’re already there, let’s say this boy used to have a thing for me, but was too shy or too much of a dick to say anything and three years later I buy him and take him home with me all happy because I get to get laid finally, but for that boy, it’s terrible, it’s bad and it’s wrong and a bastardization of everything that should be good… what kind of monster would I be if I forced him to have sex with me?” his voice cracked and he gave Karkat a haunted look. “How could I possibly look you in the eyes and ask you do to anything? How can you sit there and ask me to do that? What kind of system even is this?”

Karkat just stared at him.

“God, I’m sorry Karkat,” John apologized miserably. “I’m so fucking sorry. I’m sorry I never even thought about this shit until today,” he paused for a second and put his head in his hands. “I don’t even know how Dave deals with all this crap,” he muttered. He remembered Dave’s words of how it was better that Karkat was with him than dead and he felt even worse.

Karkat was silent for a moment, then let out a low groan, bringing a hand up to rub it against his forehead as if he had a headache. “Alright,” he said. “Since you seem intent on torturing yourself for something you didn’t even fucking do and isn’t your fault to begin with…” he sighed heavily. “They don’t know anything else. The trolls at the school,” he clarified. “Some of them… most of them were happy to be there. Most of them are probably happy to be companions as well.”

John shook his head slowly. “Fine, okay, I accept that. But I don’t think it makes it okay, and it definitely doesn’t make it okay for me to do anything with you,” he clasped his hands together earnestly. “You’re right by the way. I like you. I liked you from the moment I saw you. I don’t know whether because it’s some sort of echo from those memories I’ve... I don’t have or the person I apparently used to be or just because you’re  _you_ …” he looked up again. “Karkat, if you were a normal human, I’d ask you out. I’d be nervous as heck and you’d probably turn me down outright - but I’d try. Because that’s what normal people do when they’re attracted to each other,” he ran a hand over his face and continued with a small smile. “And then you’d probably swear at me and yell at me like you did to Dave and…”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Karkat interrupted, looking a little bit disturbed.

John blinked, then laughed softly. “No. Yes. Yes, I guess I am. God, this is stupid. Hey, guy I just bought on a sex contract yesterday, let’s go on a date, except we can’t because you’re a troll and we wouldn’t even be able to go see a movie together without people staring. Also you find humans disgusting.”

“Okay,” Karkat replied.

“What?” John looked confused. “What’s okay? You find humans disgusting?”

“Okay,” Karkat repeated. “We can date.”

 John looked flabbergasted. He recovered quickly, the corner of his mouth quirking up. “Usually the other person in a dating situation, you know, likes the other person,” he said lightly. “Or at  _least_  doesn’t find them gross.”

“I don’t find you gross,” Karkat replied. “I never did.” 

John smiled at that, then placed his hands over his heart dramatically. “I’m touched, Karkat, really.”

Karkat bore his teeth at him briefly, then lowered his gaze to inspect the bedspread. “I know this is hard to wrap your head around, especially in light of all that bullshit you just spewed, but I’d like to point out that I kissed you first. Post-game.”

“It wasn’t bullshit,” John said. “And you kissed me because you had to and because you wanted out of that cage.”

Karkat looked at him again, dead in the eyes. “I kissed you because you’re _John_. I mean yeah you’re older and taller now and a little less of an idiot, but you’re still John.”

John blinked at that. “I don’t…” he paused and glanced away, then looked back again. “Look, Karkat, you know I don’t remember you. Whatever feelings you had for me….”

“I got over them really damn fast,” Karkat snapped. “It didn’t matter anyway, and that was over three years ago.”

“But you still want to date me?” John asked.

Karkat's lip curled. “You’re the one who suggested it," the troll's voice changed slightly, becoming sharper. "Would you rather we go back to discussing the particulars of the contract at length? Perhaps you can share your feelings a bit more! I do believe we could do with some more of that, that conversation didn’t make me want to _kill_ myself enough already.”

John’s eyes widened. “Karkat…”

“Before you say something incredibly awkward, I do not actually intend to kill myself. At least until Strider’s visit, when the sheer force of his asinine personality might drive me to it.”

John caught on. The troll was talking to him like he had been talking to Dave over chat and like he had spoken to John a couple times too. Sarcastic and insulting instead of raw and defensive. He chuckled softly. Right now he'd say that was probably a good sign.

“Are we done here?” Karkat asked. “Is talking time over? Have all our feelings been sorted out? Are we dating like nice normal humans?”

John laughed out loud now, then considered the troll for a moment longer. He finally sat back and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah I guess we’re done. And I guess we can try dating, even though you’re kinda living at my house.”

“Good, great, I’m glad we worked that all out,” he said. “Because fuck,” he flopped back on the bed and put an arm over his eyes. John smiled slightly, then twitched in his chair, wondering what he was going to do now.

The troll removed his arm and shot him a look. “Are you going to sit there like a bump on a stick all night, or are you going to come over here?”

John looked startled. “Do you… want me to come over there?” he asked.

Karkat was now looking at him like he was a moron. “Would I say it if I didn’t want you to?” he snapped.

John considered. “You might if you –“

“John, shut the fuck up and get over here NOW,” John literally jumped, but got to his feet.

“Okay, okay, calm down, sheesh.” John cautiously approached the bed, giving the troll a wary look, as if he was going to get bitten again. When it looked like the troll didn’t have any intention of doing anything but look at him (still a bit like he was an idiot) he carefully crawled on the bed and lay down beside him. He drew a breath and waited.

A grey arm came around him and the troll turned inwards, curling up against him. That lasted a couple seconds before the troll sniffed at him, then made a contented sound in the back of his throat and climbed part ways on top of him, settling down finally with his head lying right over John’s heart.

Something fluttered in the center of John’s chest and he couldn’t hold back the gigantic grin he gave the ceiling. He then raised a hand and carefully embedded his fingers into the troll’s hair.

“God, yes,” the troll hissed. A hand clenched his shirt and just as quickly let go as he went completely limp.

John blushed despite himself… for some reason that had been ridiculously hot. He tried to convince his anatomy to settle down, he didn’t intend to do anything but cuddle with the troll tonight. Well, and pet him, since he seemed to be really into that.

He carefully began to scratch the troll between his horns. “T-tell me if I’m doing anything you don’t want me to do…”

“Fuck off with that shit. And don’t stop,” Karkat muttered against his chest.

“Right,” John replied, smiling. “You’re very of demanding,” he added, a fond note to his voice.

He got a soft growl in reply, but the troll had relaxed completely. A minute or so later the deep rumble started again, same as that morning. This time John could feel it vibrate through his own chest by the way Karkat was lying on top of him. John alternated between petting his hair and running his other hand down the troll’s back, feeling the warmth of his body bleeding through his shirt. At the same time he studied the ceiling, the happy smile on his face fading into a slightly worried frown.

He was in trouble wasn’t he? The words of that adult troll came back to him. Don’t get too attached… well he had left that stage a while ago. He was deep in not getting out of this easy territory. He didn’t know what he’d do if someone came and tried to take Karkat away from him right then, the protectiveness he felt was almost overwhelming.

Dave better have a good plan, he thought to himself. Though, for the life of him he couldn’t think of how a plan would work that would allow him to keep Karkat with him for an extended period of time. Dave had money, but not so much money that he could afford to keep Terezi and Karkat for years on end.

The thought made him clench Karkat a little tighter, which cut off the rumble. He loosened his hold quickly.

“What is it now?” the troll sighed.

John shook his head. “It’s… nothing,” he said. “Sorry,” he resumed stroking the troll’s hair, but the troubled look on his face didn’t fade.

.


	8. Chapter 8

. 

Karkat slept curled into a ball like he had the night before, but on top of John’s bed instead of in his pile of blankets. John wasn’t sleepy yet by far, so he went downstairs for a snack.

His dad was sitting on the couch reading some sort of business magazine. He looked up at John meaningfully as he walked by and John realized quite abruptly that his dad probably heard a great deal of his argument with the troll. Combined with the band-aids that were somewhat visible over the top of his shirt…

They looked at each other for a long moment and John shifted from foot to foot.

“I’m not sending him back,” he said finally, a hint of defiance to his voice.

His dad actually chuckled at that and the tension broke just as fast as it had come. The elder Egbert returned his attention to the magazine. “I wouldn’t either,” he replied. “It’s nice to hear one of them talk for once. Now I know why you like him,” he turned a page. “You may want to ask him to tone down the language,” he said it causally, and John knew he wasn’t all that upset.  

John grinned. “Sure,” he said. He walked the rest of the way into the kitchen.

.

Karkat woke up when he crawled back into bed a while later, raising his head to stare at him. “Hey,” John greeted with a half smile. “My dad said to stop swearing so much,” he said.

The troll’s eyes widened and he gave John a fearful look.

Well, he didn’t expect that, though he should have, he thought reflectively. John made a face and tried to calm him. “Shh,” he reached out and patted the troll’s arm. That got a flinch. “No seriously,” John added, putting his hand on the troll’s arm now and rubbing it gently. “My dad won’t hurt you for swearing, stop being paranoid.”

That got a hoarse, sarcastic laugh, but the troll didn’t say anything else. Instead he watched as John took off his glasses, placing them on the bedside table, and then crawled over him to get into the part of the bed that was closest to the wall. The troll waited until he was settled before curling into a ball again. John sighed and pulled the blankets over him, tucking him in. He then reached over the troll to switch off the lamp before settling back down. “Good night, Karkat,” he offered. The troll made a sound that might have been agreement or a response, he couldn’t tell.

.

The next day was their first day of dating. John wasn’t sure how one even went about dating when living together, but he improvised. Karkat picked out another romance movie (City of Angels… and when John questioned him about not liking Nicholas Cage Karkat had shrugged.) John made up popcorn. He then drew the blinds and turned off all the lights and settled down on the couch next to the troll.

Apparently the troll liked it, and watched the movie with rapt attention for most of it. John had already seen it and found it quite boring, but reasoned it was about the same as going to see a romance movie in the theatres with a girlfriend. He had done that a few times in the last couple years and the movies were usually much worse than this one.

“Do trolls have romance too?” he asked finally during a lull in the movie. He knew it was a stupid question to ask… but then again, not really, he hadn’t even considered how trolls went about that stuff. Dave had mentioned a baby making place… did they date, fall in love, get together and go to the baby making place to have babies? How did they even get together in the first place?

Oh wait, his brain supplied. The workers all live in their own towns and miniature cities, didn’t they? Well, they could probably date when they weren’t working…

Karkat shot him a glance. “Yes,” he replied shortly. “It’s complicated,” he added.

“It is?” John replied.

“Well, it was complicated,” Karkat lifted his legs and tucked them under himself, then wrapped his arms around his knees. John had noticed that he did that a lot. Probably a defensive gesture, though he had no idea why talking about romance would be something to that made Karkat feel defensive. “There… look where I’m from… where I _was_ from, there were four quadrants…four different types of romantic relationships. Here on Earth there is only the one type that you humans have, and the trolls here seem to have adopted the idea of having only the one as well,” he paused. “…Though I’m sure the others do crop up from time to time, thousands of years of instincts are hard to suppress.”

John’s brow furrowed. “What’s the one we have?” he asked.

Karkat shot him a brief ‘are you dumb’ look and made a hand motion to the TV where Nicholas Cage was wrapping his invisible arms around a very human Meg Ryan. “Flushed. Love. This stuff,” he said.

John tilted his head to the side, curious now. “What are the other ones?” he asked. He couldn’t even wrap his mind around more than just that.

Karkat rested his chin on his knees. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I told you they don’t exist anymore,” there was heavy bitterness in his voice.

John frowned and wanted to push for more information but decided to let it go. If Karkat wanted to talk about it, he would. After a moment he reached out, petting Karkat’s back gently, then rubbed at his shoulder. The troll shot him a look out of the corner of his eyes. After a moment he uncurled from around himself, straightening his legs, then sat up so that John’s hand fell to his arm. John almost took his hand away when Karkat took it in his own and gave him a shy tug.

John shuffled closer without protest. Karkat stopped however, his cheeks flushing, and seemed to be trying to look anywhere but at John.

Huh. Since he wasn’t moving away, John leaned over cautiously. Karkat still didn’t move but he looked up, catching John’s eyes. They remained that way for a moment then John leaned further still and nuzzled the troll, their noses bumping. He brushed his lips along his cheek lightly. Karkat’s hand came up, unsure and hesitant, catching in his shirt as their lips finally touched.

The kiss was slow and timid. John pulled away first, gazing down at the troll, breath catching. Karkat’s eyes were half lidded. As John watched, Karkat dropped his gaze, leaning forwards to burrow his face against John, nose and then lips ghosting across the side of his neck.

John gasped softly as sharp little teeth came out to nibble very gently at his skin. They were quickly replaced with another press of lips, soothing away the hurt. For some reason that one little action was more intimate than anything he had done with the troll so far. He moved his head to the side with a soft groan, allowing the troll more room and shut his eyes. A hand came up and cupped the side of his face and soon after lips pressed against his own again.

They kissed each other for a few minutes until Karkat finally pulled away again. The trolls eyes were wide and uncertain as he gazed up at John, his hands still held high in John’s shirt, the fabric clenched around his fingers. John ruefully forced himself to ignore the way his body was definitely interested in going further and instead leaned forwards to brush dark bangs away from the troll’s face and press a kiss to his forehead.

The troll didn’t seem to breathe until John pulled away again. After a moment he moved towards John and while glancing at him for permission, carefully crawled into his lap. John happily accommodated him, shifting them around so that they were both comfortable.  

He hadn’t done this much cuddling in his entire life.

He also didn’t mind one bit.

.

The rest of the day was bland and boring, except for a brief stint of curses when he convinced the troll to play video games with him. (The troll gave up in frustration after he beat him six times in a row.)

He logged on after dinner to work out the final details of Dave’s visit, the troll settling on John’s bed with his old laptop in hand. Things went well, until Dave invited Karkat into the chat with them.

CG: ... ...

TG: hey remember the first time we were all in a chat together  
TG: fruity rumpus asshole factory with some shitty clip art thing Karkat found

EB: i don’t remember.

TG: i know you dont egbert just go with it  
TG: karkat remembers

CG: ...  
CG: NOTICE MY GENEROUS USE OF ELLIPSIS. I’M SURE WHEREVER THIS IS GOING WILL BE HIGHLY UNPLEASANT FOR ALL INVOLVED. I SHOULD REMOVE MYSELF FROM THIS MEMO IMMEDIATELY.

TG: but youre not going to  
TG: because nostalgia

EB: is there a point to this, dave? I really don’t remember anything.  
EB: i thought we were supposed to be discussing trip plans. 

TG: yeah last time this happened karkat was going off on us about flirting with troll chicks  
TG: and egbert was too young to even know what was going on  
TG: asked me for relationship advice and it just pissed karkat off more  
TG: hahahaha  
TG: that was when the entire I dont think karkat feels that way about me dave thing happened  
TG: karkat remembers

John shot a glance over at the troll. He was blushing fiercely as he typed away with a scowl on his face.

CG: WE’RE SITTING IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER DOUCHEBAG.

TG: i know  
TG: you also didnt deny it

CG: OH WHO THE FUCK CARES ANYMORE? THIS SHIT IS SO IRRELEVANT IT BELONGS IN ANOTHER TIMELINE. WAIT WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING IT IS IN ANOTHER TIMELINE.  
CG: EGBERT DOESN’T EVEN REMEMBER VRISKA, NOT THAT THAT’S A BAD THING. THIS IS JUST YOUR STUPID WANKY CLUSTERFUCK OF LET’S SCREW AROUND WITH A HUMAN BOY WITH AMNESIA. HEY GUESS WHAT JOHN A TROLL GIRL FLIRTED WITH YOU ONCE. MAYBE DAVE CAN GO FIND HER FOR YOU AND YOU BOTH CAN HAVE PET TROLLS. ANOTHER ONE, HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

“I’m sitting right here,” John pointed out.

“I’m talking to Dave,” Karkat replied between gritted teeth. 

John sighed and shrugged and went back to watching the conversation. It obviously didn’t involve him any longer.

TG: uh  
TG: yeah  
TG: about vriska  
  
John heard a small surprised sound from Karkat.

CG: DID YOU FIND HER?

TG: not exactly

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? NOT EXACTLY?  
CG: WHAT ABOUT VRISKA?  
CG: DAVE.  
CG: WHAT ABOUT HER. IS SHE OKAY? IS SHE DEAD?

There was a pause in typing, and John could practically feel Dave hesitate through the computer.

TG: we should talk about this later

CG: SHE’S DEAD ISN’T SHE.

TG: i have to go over trip plans with egbert  
TG: ill talk to you about everyone when i get there tomorrow

CG: NO. FUCK YOU. TELL ME IF SHE’S DEAD. NOW, DAVE, OR I SWEAR I’LL GUT YOU THE MOMENT YOU STEP FOOT ONTO JOHN’S METICULOUSLY MAINTAINED LAWN RING.  

Karkat had started growling softly and John blinked in surprise. The growl grew louder when Dave tried to change the subject and John started typing. 

EB: maybe you should tell him dave.

TG: hell no  
TG: gonna have a psychotic break or some shit like that  
TG: and then you gotta deal

EB: i know, but i’m used to it by now.

TG: this is a phenomenally bad idea  
TG: even for you

EB: just tell him.

There was another pause before Dave typed back again.

TG: fine  
TG: look  
TG: just listen to me for a sec  
TG: before i say anything  
TG: you know ive been trying to connect with as many people as possible who could remember  
TG: if you count all our parents and guardians were like one for ten in the memory department with one possible crazy  
TG: there is a very high chance she didn’t remember a thing  
TG: and was just a troll  
TG: im not saying that to be an ass

CG: JUST SAY IT ALREADY!

TG: yeah shes gone  
TG: found her in a government database  
TG: i’m sorry karkat  
TG: i mean that

CG: HOW LONG.

TG: two months  
TG: she went military  
TG: death by another troll by the looks of it but it could have been anything

The soft growl turned into something more anguished and John stared at his troll with concern. He could see the distressed look on Karkat’s face growing.

CG: FUCK. FUCK!  
CG: WHO ELSE. HAVE YOU FOUND ANYONE ELSE.

TG: im not talking about this anymore

CG: DAVE. PLEASE. JUST TELL ME WHO ELSE.

TG: how much is he flipping out right now john

EB: a little.

John hesitated as Karkat shot him the most heart-wrenching look.

“Make him tell me,” the troll said, his voice a hoarse rasp. “I need to know.”

EB: just tell him, dave. i have it.

TG: fine  
TG: and before you ask it was over two years ago  
TG: by way of acute sudden onset psychosis whatever the hell that actually means  
TG: you can probably guess who

The whimper from Karkat made John actually get out of his desk chair. He came over to the bed and put an arm around the troll, looking over his shoulder at the chat that was now entirely a two way conversation.

CG: GAMZEE.  
CG: OR ERIDAN, I GUESS.

TG: the first one  
TG: the eridan troll is still alive if i have the name right  
TG: i barely remember  
TG: never got to meet most of you because of dead  
TG: but i remember gamzee well because of that thing and two years on the meteor  
TG: im sorry karkat  
TG: I know he was your moirail  
TG: for egbert that means like best friends forever in troll speak

Karkat was crying now, again, red tinted tears sliding down the sides of his face. John made a sympathetic sound and hugged him. Karkat let him. The messanger pinged.

TG: anyone there  
  
John reached out to type back, keeping one arm around the troll. He hit the caps button off before replying.

CG: he’s upset but i’m handling it.

There was a pause before Dave started to write again.

TG: okay well  
TG: this didnt go nearly the way i thought it would sorry john  
TG: so yeah details  
TG: my flight comes in late tomorrow afternoon  
TG: im bringing terezi  
TG: that doesnt make anyone feel better im sure  
TG: look now that ive ruined your night im going to go  
TG: just call me if you have anything else my flight leaves in the morning

John watched as Dave logged out, thought he was still far too concerned about Karkat to even care very much. He placed the laptop aside with a free hand and wrapped both arms around him again, letting the troll hold onto him as he sobbed into his shirt. 

“I’m sorry,” Karkat finally said when he got a hold of himself enough to pull away. There were pink stains on John’s shirt now and Karkat stared at them guiltily. “He’s right. They probably didn’t remember,” he looked away, turning his miserable gaze to the corner of the room. “But what if they… what if he did? And he died alone, waiting for me to come help him…” he choked up again. 

“Stop that,” John said sternly. “Listen, even if that was true, there isn’t anything you could have done,” he took Karkat by the shoulders, trying to get him to look him in the eye. “Look at me,” he said. “I’m sorry you lost your friends. I can’t even imagine what that’s like, or how I’d feel if I lost Dave or Jade or Rose. But you can’t blame yourself for it. It’s not your fault,” Karkat just stared up at him, the pain on his face evident. “Stop,” John repeated gently.

Karkat made a defeated sound and went back to pressing his face against John’s already stained shirt.

“I miss him,” he said finally, his voice muffled. “He was my best friend.”

John nodded. He rewrapped his arms around the troll and just held him close.

.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my rl guy friend Dane, who read this, embarrassed the hell out of me and asked for more. Enjoy!

.

They talked way into the night, once Karkat had calmed down enough to talk. The troll told John about his side of the game, how there had been twelve of them at one point, but something had gone wrong and some of them had died. Karkat was vague on how that happened. The troll hadn’t even been sure of the ones that had died in the game were here until he ran into one of the formerly dead ones at his school.

John did a mental tally in his head. Dave had mentioned four living trolls so far, five if Karkat was included, and with the two deceased ones, that brought the numbers to seven. The one Karkat saw at his school made eight. There were still four trolls unaccounted for. He could see the anxiety on Karkat’s face when he spoke of them, now that Dave had dropped the news that two of them had… passed away. John wished he could go find the surviving ones himself and show them to Karkat, just to calm him and make him feel better, but he had a feeling even if he could do that knowing that his friends were working as companions would just stress him out more.

He found out other things about the game – like how he hadn’t actually met Karkat until near the end and how they had bonded though chat, which is to say that apparently John put up with giant walls of angry grey capslock and liked him anyway. He wasn’t all that surprised, he liked Karkat instantly that day at the market, so liking him via chat wasn’t that far of a leap.

He also found out that Karkat blamed himself for some of the things that went wrong in the game, which hurt his heart a little. Especially when the troll had given him a haunted look and said sometimes he wondered if that was why this had happened to him, why he was left with the memories of his shitty existence instead of the others. 

John wanted nothing more but to pull the troll into his lap and kiss him as many times possible to make sure he knew he was loved, but the space between them was still too wide… all he could do was hold him and try to reassure him.

.

Karkat crawled into bed with him again that night, curling up against him. John didn’t mind at all. Dave would be getting the guest room when he showed up anyway, which meant Karkat would have been relocated to John’s bedroom if he wanted to continue to use his pile. Since the troll seemed okay with sleeping with him, he didn’t move the pile over and kept it in the guest room. Maybe Dave’s troll could use it, though he was pretty sure she slept in the same bed as Dave as well.

John was beginning to find he really did like having another body in the same bed as his own, especially given how warm Karkat was. Granted he could only touch said warm body in certain places, but he was okay with that for the most part. If he had a human girl or boyfriend he definitely wouldn’t expect them to sleep with him right away, and he was dead set on treating Karkat the same way. He just had to be careful because he had a feeling if he pushed it Karkat would let him do whatever he wanted, which still made his stomach turn a little.

It might drive him crazy in the meantime, but he was determined to let Karkat make the first move.

.

The next afternoon they sat by the living room window together while John’s dad prepared food in the kitchen, waiting for the taxi to drop off their friends. Karkat was nearly vibrating with nervous anticipation and John was just as eager to see Dave. They had only met once before in real life, back a little over a year ago Dave had been in town for the shooting of a small bit part in a TV show. It h ad been after his movie role, so he was already living the high life, all his gadgets were new, new phone, new computer, new experiences, extra cocky attitude. They had gone out for lunch together, it had cost a fortune, at least for a fifteen year old, and Dave had paid. 

Dave had been in some small things like commercials since then so John expected his attitude to have remained firmly in place.

He recognized his friend the instant the taxi pulled up and the passenger side door opened. Then again, it was hard to not recognize Dave, his blond hair was almost blindingly white. 

He stood with his shoulders back, looking around the place with his shades on. He was wearing a red t-shirt of course, Dave always wore red, faded jeans and converse sneakers to match his shirt. He looked taller now, and it seemed like he had filled in some too… either that or he’d been working out. As John watched Dave turned and grabbed the back door to the cab and opened it, and a girl troll stepped out. 

Karkat sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth.

This was the first time he had seen her, and John stared at her. She was good looking for a troll, with small sharp horns and shoulder length black hair that flipped out at the ends. She grinned up at Dave and took his hand. John could see as she stood that she was wearing a red oriental-looking shiny dress that had a dragon design weaving up the entire length, and John frankly thought it looked stunning on her. She had on a matching pair of red sunglasses that pointed up at the end.

Her movements were quick and sure, and she stood looking about the place with open curiosity as she took in her surroundings. After checking things out she turned back to the cab as the driver went around to the trunk and began to unload their bags.

Dave’s hand pressed briefly to the troll’s back as he spoke with the driver and John smiled slightly at that. Dave had been here all of a couple seconds and John could see his friend was treating her like he’d treat a human girlfriend, or even just a friend, not a troll. In light of all the horrible things he had learnt the last couple days, it made him glad... and a bit proud of Dave. Then again, Dave was the one with memories of trolls not being servants and all that... 

“Come on,” John said, giving Karkat a gentle nudge with his elbow. “Let’s go meet them.” He pushed away from the window.

Karkat trailed reluctantly behind him as he went out the front door. He stayed behind as John went down the steps.

“Dave!” John called out.

Dave turned and gave him one of his rare grins, letting John run up and throw his arms around him. “You’ve grown!” he laughed as he gave Dave giant bear hug. Sure enough Dave was as tall as he was now.

“Naw, you’ve just shrunk,” was the reply. Dave gave him an affectionate pat on the head and turned to his troll friend. She was shorter than Dave by a few inches, but John could see that she was a little taller than Karkat. “John, Terezi, Terezi, John,” he said.

The troll grinned, which showed off about a zillion teeth. “Hi,” she said and reached out, shaking John’s hand with a firm grip.

“Hi!” John replied, blushing despite himself. He suddenly found himself feeling shy for some unknown reason.

Dave wasn’t paying attention. He elbowed John. “Heyyyy, it really _is_ him,” he said. There was a faint note of wonder in his voice.

John turned and looked in the same direction Dave was looking. Sure enough Karkat stood back, looking awkward and alone and with a scowl on his face as he hunched against the side of the house.

“Still looks the same,” Dave said, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards. He started towards the troll.

Karkat gave Dave an extremely wary look as he approached, which Dave ignored completely. As John watched Dave grabbed the troll with a flourish and got him into an instant headlock. He then gave the troll an affectionate noogie between his two horns.

“What, whatareyou, what are you doing, stop! Stop it, stop touching me!” The troll started trying to fight Dave off, screeching at a volume that startled even John.

“Still sounds the same too,” Dave called out.

John started to chuckle despite himself and clasped a hand over his mouth. “Uh, I don’t think he likes that…” he offered as a reply. Right, he should definitely not laugh at Karkat freaking out over being manhandled by his best friend. Bad John, bad.

“There, see? John is obviously a much more rational and---ahhh!” as John watched Dave picked the troll up…

“OH MY GOD, PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTAN _AHHHHH_!”

… and slung him over his shoulders.

John watched in amazement as the troll sputtered and fought. “YOU HORRIBLE WRETCHED HUMAN - GET YOUR HANDS _OFF_ ME - TEREZI! TEREZI TELL HIM TO PUT ME DOWN!” his jaw dropped a bit as Dave walked into his house with the shouting troll draped across his shoulders as nonchalantly as could be.

“Oh, hey there. You must be Mr. Egbert,” John heard Dave say.

John couldn’t help it, he laughed out loud. If he had any doubt that Dave knew Karkat before now that had just been shattered completely. There was no way a companion troll would have mouthed off to a human he didn’t know like Karkat had just done. And he knew Dave wouldn’t deliberately antagonize someone he didn’t know… at least he hoped he wouldn’t. Okay, maybe he would.

Was that what Karkat was like before? It must have been. Fighty, ranty and loud.

Terezi was chuckling beside him. “Guess he really does know me,” she said as their laughter faded. John turned his head to look at her and she shrugged. “Dave told me all the stories,” she said.

“I believe it,” John replied. He heard another screech from the house. “Er… give me a moment, I probably should rescue him,” he jogged back to the house and arrived just in time to see Dave put Karkat down and give him another head rub before reaching out to shake his Dad’s hand.

“Nice to meet you finally, John’s told me all about you,” John’s dad was saying to Dave. 

Karkat skittered away from Dave, arms around himself, hunching in on himself protectively. It wasn’t like the times that he had cowered from John… instead of afraid the troll looked genuinely pissed and bristly like an angry offended cat.

John let out another chuckle as he walked up to Karkat and took him by the shoulders. “Okay, come on,” he said. “Let’s help them with their bags,” he added, ushering the offended troll back outside. Dave continued to talk to his dad like nothing had happened at all.

Karkat went suddenly shy the moment he saw Terezi, which lasted all of two seconds. Then the troll stared. “You can see,” he said bluntly.

She gave him a look over the top of her sunglasses. “Well yeah,” she replied. “Dave said that too when we first met,” she said cheerfully as she bent to pick up some bags. “I guess I was blind in that former life he keeps talking about. I don’t mind being able to see,” she added as she straightened with two of the bags over her shoulders. She flashed them another toothy grin and strolled towards the house.

Karkat bent to pick up a bag himself, and John caught the disappointed frown on his face.

“What is it?” he asked the troll with curiosity as he picked up the last bag himself.

Karkat shook his head quickly. “It’s nothing,” he said. He shouldered his bag and followed Terezi into the house.

.

John helped take the bags to the guest room. As soon as that was done the elder Egbert was calling them to the kitchen for dinner.

His dad was absolutely ecstatic; he never had an opportunity to feed more than a couple of people at a time. The dinner was huge and featured everything from homemade bread to a casserole, steamed vegetables, crepes, dips and sauces and three different types of meat. John knew there was a cake in the fridge for dessert as well, his dad had made it the night before. Actually he had made two. John had no idea why.  

Dave was in heaven. “This is amazing Mr. Egbert,” he said through a mouthful of food. “Bro never cooks,” he added as he packed more in. “Can I take you home with me? For serious.”

John stifled a smile as his dad blushed at that. “Well, er, I’m afraid I can’t leave the city, but you’re welcome to come eat here anytime,” was the reply.

“Woah man, you totally just got yourself your very own Dave Strider,” Dave replied without skipping a beat in his food shoveling. “John you have a new brother now, kay?”

John laughed at that, more at the pleased look on his dad’s face than Dave’s comment.

He glanced over at the two trolls. They had arranged themselves in such a way that Terezi was sitting next to Dave and Karkat was sitting next to her. Karkat didn’t look comfortable at all and hadn’t even reacted to anything Dave had said. Instead stared at his plate.

Terezi didn’t seem to notice Karkat’s discomfort as she chatted away at the other troll, asking him how school was, how long he’d been a companion, if he liked it here up north where it was colder and how much warmer it was down in Texas.

Karkat offered her one word answers and spent more time pushing food around his plate than eating.

John knew the moment Karkat broke because she had just finished telling him “you’re kinda cute, you know? For a troll and all that” and John momentarily thought that was a hilarious because of the put upon look Karkat got on his face. But then the troll got up, shoving his chair back from the table.

“Excuse me,” he muttered. He turned left the room.

Terezi stared after him. “Okay,” she said finally, turning to look from John to Dave and back again. “Is it just me or is he _really_ moody?”

Dave shook his head and patted her on the arm. “Yeah, that’s normal,” he said after swallowing a mouthful of food. “He’s like that. Don’t worry about it.”

John heaved a little sigh and got up from the table as well. “I’ll be right back,” he said.

.

He found Karkat on sitting on the back steps, arms folded across his knees as he looked out over the backyard.

“Hey,” John greeted. When Karkat didn’t reply he carefully sat down beside him. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Karkat hunched further in on himself. “I’m fine,” he mumbled.

John was silent for a few seconds. “Suure you are,” he replied after a moment, unable to keep the hint of sarcasm out of his voice. “It’s Terezi, isn’t it?” he asked.

“Gee, what was your first clue?” was the grumbled reply.

John managed a half smile. “Oh, I don’t know, the fact that you’ll barely talk to her for one…” he started.

Karkat raised his head and shot John a glare out of the corner of his eyes, then looked back over the lawn. The sun had mostly set, plunging the backyard into long dark shadows and bathing the rest in shades of grey. “She’s _not_ Terezi,” he said after a moment. “I mean yeah, she looks like her and everything, but that’s not HER,” he sounded bitter. “So in the end, she’s gone too and the only douchebag who still remains is _Dave_ , of all the fucking people.”

“… Ah,” John said. He was silent for a moment, studying the yard as well. “Even though she’s not who you remember, do you think you could maybe try to give her a chance? She seems really nice and… well look, you got used to me pretty fast, and I don’t remember either.”

Karkat shook his head slowly. “It’s not the same,” he said finally. “Okay, yeah, you don’t remember a damn thing and it’s annoying as hell sometimes, but I didn’t grow up with you. You were always an alien to me, you weren’t my…” he trailed off and hunched in on himself further. “It doesn’t matter,” he said finally. “Look, just go, would you? I need to be alone for a bit.” 

John studied him for a few minutes more, then did as he asked, getting to his feet. He reached out and gave the troll a pat on the back. He considered for a moment then leaned down and gave him a kiss on the cheek as well.

Karkat didn’t react, beyond moving his head just a tad. John sighed and straightened. He nodded, more to himself than anything. “I’ll see you later,” he said and walked back into the house.

Dave shot him a significant look when he got back to the dinner table. John gave him an answering shrug and sat.

“Is he okay?” his dad asked, concern on his face.

John shrugged again. “Yeah. He wants to be left alone,” he said, giving his dad a sheepish look. Mr. Egbert frowned slightly, but nodded and returned to his food. 

.

The rest of dinner passed uneventfully, John begging off eating cake and Dave eating half the thing like he had never seen food before in his life. John’s dad ended up getting into an in depth conversation with Terezi about how the school was, to which Terezi replied to all his questions cheerfully. It seemed like she went through a far less unpleasant experience at her school than Karkat did, which relieved John. He didn’t think he could live through more troll school horror stories.

Dave excused himself from the table when Terezi was in the middle of telling his dad about the pranks her and a couple other trolls got up to at their school, played on other trolls of course. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and told her he’d be back, then got up and tapped John on the shoulder.

They made their way to the guest room.

Dave busied himself with his bag, taking out his laptop and setting it on the bed. “So?” he asked finally. “How is he?”

John made a face. “Upset,” he replied. “Like he’s been since I got him,” he added ruefully. “This having a troll on contract thing really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

Dave shot him a stern look, though it was hard to tell what he was actually feeling past the shades he still hadn’t taken off since he had arrived. John knew they could come off, he had seen him without them on TV, (he had also seen Dave employ a full range of human emotions while on TV so that was a thing too), but he guessed the other boy just felt more comfortable with them on.

“Yeah, well…” Dave said, looking away. “’m not terribly surprised,” he let out a little snort and went back to digging through his bag. “Look, I’m sorry about all this. We’ll be outta here in a couple days and you can have your life back.”

 John shrugged. “It’s not that terrible,” he said. “It’s just different than I thought it’d be is all.”

“It’s actually awesome,” Dave said. “You just got a raw deal. Not that I really didn’t expect that. Tell you what, once we’re gone I’ll give you some more cash so you can go get another. I meant it when I said you need to get going on that virginity thing. And you’re, like, a billion times better than most assholes on this planet, I’m sure whoever you get will be as happy as fuck.”

“Oh,” John let out a little laugh. “I don’t think I could handle another,” he admitted. And he already felt queasy about the contract thing, if he and Karkat didn’t work out he was seriously considering only dating humans from now on, forever - where he didn’t have to worry about things like if he's only having sex with him because he signed a piece of paper saying he had to.

Dave shook his head. “Naw, you’ll just have the new one,” he said.

John just stared at Dave as the implications of what he just said set in like a stone. “You’re going to take Karkat?” he squeaked.

Dave glanced at him. He almost looked surprised, his eyebrows raising slightly. “Well, yeah,” he said. “We still need to talk and all that, hammer out some plans. But you don’t need to babysit his ass anymore. I’ve got this covered.”

“… I don’t want you to take him,” John said, suddenly very quiet. He felt like he had been betrayed. Which was stupid of him, he knew. Dave had paid for him after all.

Dave cocked an eyebrow at him and John tried to explain himself.

“I really like him. Like… really, really, like him,” John fumbled out. “I want to keep him. Not… not for sex or anything like that,” he added quickly, realizing how badly that sounded, then realized just as quickly that that was what Karkat was originally purchased for and saying he didn’t want him for sex sounded weird. “I mean – well. If it comes up…” the corner of Dave’s mouth quirked up as he dug himself deeper. “I just – I want to take care of him and stuff,” he finished lamely. He could feel his cheeks burn.

Dave was studying him from behind his sunglasses now, his face back to being expressionless, which only added to his mortification.

“That’s a bit fucked up,” Dave said finally, his voice level. “Not that I’m all that surprised. Some things really don’t change,” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Look, John, I know you mean well, you’ve got a heart the size of fucking San Andreas fault. But you only met this guy three days ago.”

John frowned. “It wasn’t three days ago for him,” he replied. “Or you either,” he added, pointedly.

There was silence for a moment. When Dave spoke again he sounded just a tiny bit awestruck. “Wow, he really did convince you, didn’t he?”

John rolled his eyes. “You did as much as he did,” he gave Dave an unimpressed look. “You _seriously_ can’t just pull me into all this crap and expect me to just forget about it like it never happened. Come on man. I believe you now,” he took a step towards the other boy. “I believe him. I’m someone else to him and sure I don’t remember him, but he remembers just fine,” he dropped his voice. “Dude, even if this is one really fucking elaborate multi-year joke you’re both playing on me - he’s terrified. This is his first contract, he’s been through so much shit and he _trusts_ me…”

Dave was silent.

“And I’m fairly sure he really _was_ tortured at that school of his,” John continued, his voice still low. “You should see how he reacts when he thinks I’m angry at him. He does this cringe-y thing…” he demonstrated.

“Okay, stop. God,” Dave raised a hand and pinched his nose, his brows knitting together. “I get it,” there were twin spots of color on his cheeks to show that he was embarrassed.

John just looked at him. After a few moments more the blond haired boy turned his head to the side and studied the wall. “Shit,” he swore finally.

“Dave?”

“Naw, it’s cool,” Dave said, brushing him off. “You weren’t supposed to get attached so quick,” he let out a humourless laugh. “I thought he’d be the one I’d have to pry away with a crowbar,” he shot John a look out of the corner of his eyes and now John could see a flash of the particular red color of Dave’s eyes. The other boy considered for a long moment.

 “Fine. Look,” Dave heaved a sigh. “Once I’m done letting you guys in on all the shit I’ve been up to you can decide what you want to do. But trust me, you’re probably gonna want to stay here.” 

“… You’re going somewhere?” John asked.

Dave nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “If we can.”  Dave walked over to him, took him by the shoulders and pointed him towards the entrance of the room. “Go get Karkat. Bring back Terezi while you’re at it? Let’s get this fucking thing started.”

.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Special thanks to my wonderful beta Kisbe for helping with this chapter.

.

Terezi was cheerfully helping his dad with the dishes when he got back downstairs. John smiled at that as he pushed open the back door and peeked outside. Sure enough, Karkat still sat on his back step, chin resting on his folded up knees.  

At the sound of the door the troll shifted to look up at him.

“Dave wants us to come up stairs,” John said.

Karkat nodded and slowly got to his feet. He quietly followed John back into house.

“Terezi, Dave wants to talk to us all upstairs,” John called out, sticking his head back into the kitchen.

Terezi flashed a grin at his dad. “I’ll talk to you later Mr. Egbert, sir!” she said and John was fairly sure he saw his dad blush.

Oh boy.

.

Dave was waiting for them all by the door of the guest room, lounging against the wall like he owned the place. Terezi walked right by him, and John followed but Dave caught Karkat’s arm before he could go in. He got a soft warning hiss from the troll.

“Whoa, calm down dude,” Dave said. He reached out, for Karkat’s ear, and the troll jerked his head away. “Stop that,” Dave reprimanded. “I just wanna see your tracker, Jesus.”

John had turned to watch, concerned, but Karkat reluctantly held still as Dave pulled his ear back, then smoothed the black hair away so he could see the skin there. After a moment he nodded and let Karkat go.

“We can cut that out,” he said finally. “But it’s going to bleed like a mother fuck.”

John gave Dave an alarmed look. “I don’t think we’re supposed to cut out their trackers,” he said.

Karkat continued to glower as he stalked away from Dave and went over to sit on the bed, sliding to the back, as far away from everyone as he could possibly get. “Do I even what to know why you want to cut out my tracker?” he grumbled. “Not that I wouldn’t appreciate it, but I don’t exactly want to get culled, if it’s not too much trouble,” the sarcasm was thick in the troll’s voice.

Dave made an airy hand motion. “You won’t be,” he said. “Don’t worry.”

John shrugged and went and climbed onto the bed to sit beside Karkat as Dave very deliberately shut the door and turned to look at each of them in turn. The corner of his mouth curved up into a semi-smile. “Aw, it’s like a giant family reunion in here.” 

Karkat let out another low little growl and Dave actually laughed at that, before growing serious again. He clasped his hands together. “Right,” he said. “Before I even start, John I want to apologize for how weird this is going to get because you have no idea.”

John gave him a tired look. “I think I have an idea, Dave,” he replied. “I don’t think anything could shock me right now.”

“Good,” Dave said as casual as could be. “Because I think this planet is only about three years old.”

Okay he hadn’t expected that. John gave Dave a startled look which quickly turned into skepticism. “What,” he replied flatly. “Okay, haha, very funny, Dave. Yeah, sure, I believe something fucked up happened and I played a game with you guys once that you two remember and I don’t, but I have memories of my childhood. There is no way this planet has only been here three years, how is that even possible? Oh wait, maybe the game created this planet for everyone to live on, is that it?”

Dave gave him a solid look. “That’s one of my theories.”

John stared at him. “And then after it was done giving this planet animals, and plants and fully adult humans, it… what? Downloaded memories into us? Of our perfectly normal lives on this perfectly normal planet.”

Dave made a face. “Okay, first of all, this planet isn’t perfect. In fact this is one of the most fucked up load of festering feces there ever could be. It fails. Failed. D grade man.” 

John threw his hands in the air. “Fine, okay. This planet sucks. Right now I kind of agree with you, but you’re going to have to give me more than that.”

Dave made a face. “When I have more to give you, I’ll give it to you,” he said, and then let out a bit of an exasperated sigh. “Look, I know it’s hard to believe, and right now I’m not exactly sure what did happen. That’s part of the reason why I wanted to talk to the only other person who seems to remember anything,” he nodded at Karkat. “What I do know is what I already said…this is probably a brand spanking new world. All matrix-y and shit, made special order just for us.” He glanced at Karkat again and gave him a pensive frown. “What _is_ the last thing you remember?”

Karkat let out a little frustrated sigh. “I don’t remember much of anything,” he admitted. “Everything is hazy near the end and I’ve tried really fucking hard to recall what happened. The only thing I remember is we weren’t far from a new dream bubble...” he paused. “Nothing was wrong though, everything was pretty damn peaceful, at least as far as I remember,” his brow furrowed then he shook his head again. “I remember the rest of our time on that god forsaken meteor, unfortunately, so I don’t know why things are so… vague at the end there. Tell me you have more than I do,” he said, and the look on his face was almost pleading.  

Dave shrugged. “Not really, though I’m fairly sure it’s because something went wrong when we hit that dream bubble or something hit us,” he said. He started to pace. “As far as I can figure it, something fucked up and I probably split off a couple times trying to fix whatever damage it was that happened. That was my reasoning for remembering; every duplicate would contain my memories and maybe whoever made this,” he waved his hand again. “Forgot to wipe my memories out on one of them.  You… I can’t explain you though. Any ideas?”

Karkat shook his head slowly. “No,” he said finally. “Besides some cosmic asshole deity seems intent on making me suffer as much as possible, which would be typical of my absolute horrendous joke of a life…”

Dave rolled his eyes and interrupted him. “Whatever it was that went wrong, I think either the game or someone in it tried to fix it. I think it succeeded too… but in doing so it made a doomed timeline. Trust me, I have a lot of experience with them.”

Karkat licked his lips slowly. “You’re saying we’re in a doomed timeline,” he said tonelessly.

Dave nodded and looked chagrined. “Doomed Universe. Or mirrored one. Something bullshitty like that. I’m sorry, Karkat,” he said. “But we’re definitely not the alphas. I might not have my power anymore, but I guess it’s the way some of the other mes felt,” he smiled a bit which came out like a wince. “I thought it was an ironic joke for a while when I first came to, you know, that this was the afterlife or something, or a dream bubble. A really shitty dream bubble were I get to be thirteen with Bro beating my ass again and I had to endure being surrounded by all the shit I grew out of years ago.” He had a faraway look on his face for a moment. “But this is far too complex for that. This is definitely real. Real enough that everyone lives and breathes and functions, and _dies_ , which makes it really fucking scary.” 

Karkat gave Dave a long look. “This is definitely not a dream bubble,” he said.

Dave nodded. “I agree. I think something or someone wanted to restore what they could of our session and yours. Another thing I think is that they didn’t have anything to go on except memories. One of my theories is they used the memories of one of us humans as a template and pieced together what they could of our failed sessions. It wasn’t just a reset, but someone was honestly trying to fix things for us. Hell it might have even been me, in my last moments, trying to fix things and accidently fucking things up more. Anyway, if they, whoever _they_ is, me, or someone else used human memories to construct this world what would they do once they got to memories of trolls? Suddenly you have a second entire species to reincarnate or whatever. Where are you going to put them?”

Karkat looked pensive, and then gave John a sidelong glance. John looked absolutely lost. “Don’t look at me,” he said, holding his hands up defensively. “I have no idea what the hell what either of you are talking about.” 

“Right,” Dave said, changing the subject. “More theories later.” The boy turned away and nonchalantly went over to his laptop and picked it up. “Okay,” he said. He clicked a couple things open, then looked up again, a stern expression on his face. “John, I need you to promise not to breathe a word of what I say next to anyone. You can repeat any of that last bit if you want, people will just think I’m crazy… or you are, but you repeat any of what I say _now_ to the wrong people, and we could get arrested or worse. Gotta play by the rules and all.”

John gave Dave an extremely weary look. “I’m not going to say anything,” he replied. “I’m not stupid. Hey, my friend thinks the Earth is only three years old and oh, by the way, he wants to overthrow the government.”

“Not quite, but something like that,” Dave agreed amicably. “You know how Jade is with robots and machines, right?” he began.

John nodded slowly.

“And she’s working with the government on some big contract thing?”

John nodded again warily. “Jade wants to overthrow the government? With giant robots?”

“No,” Dave said, slight irritation in his voice now. “Shut up and listen. A few months back one of the robots she was working on started talking to her. Turns out an old troll friend hacked the interface and was using it as a way to reach out for help. I’m sure Karkat could guess who that was.”

Karkat looked at him, understanding dawning across his face. “Sollux,” he breathed.

Dave nodded. “Jade did a bunch of digging, found out a lot of things she had to tell me in person so that we could both avoid getting our asses arrested. As it is she’s in a really dangerous position,” he gave Karkat a meaningful look. “They don’t kill them,” he said. “The psychic trolls. They’re too important to kill. No one much knows this, except the secret service I suppose and the CIA and all that jazz. No one knows this shit and the people who do aren’t talking,” he ran a hand through his hair. “They use them for their power, the strong ones at least. Hook them into machines and stuff, do experiments on them. Shit like that.”

 “What the fuck,” Karkat muttered, horror dawning on his face. 

Dave managed a bit of a bitter smile. “Yeah. That. Anyway, Jade hasn’t seen it herself but Sollux has. He told her all about his younger years in the service of the military.”

“So where is he now?” Karkat asked in a strained voice. “We have to get him out.”

 Dave nodded. “I agree, but that’s where things get tricky,” he replied. “He’s a bit indisposed right now, busy being a spaceship.”

There was dead silence in the room. Terezi shifted uneasily from where she sat next to Dave, eyeing John and Karkat in turn. 

“Wait. WAIT. You’re saying they have Sol _hooked up_ to a human spaceship, right?” Karkat questioned.

Dave shook his head. “No, I mean he _is_ the ship by the way Jade was describing it. His brain pilots the thing and he moves it with his power. That’s why he sent out the distress call, he was terrified. Jade calmed him down but he’s still a little loopy from being stuck in a massive machine.”

Karkat had turned extraordinarily pale. After a long pause he dropped his head into his hands. “FUUUUUUCC _CKKKK_.”

John was just confused. “… How is that even possible?” he asked. Before the last five minutes he didn’t even know some trolls had special powers and now Dave was saying one of them was running some sort of ship. “Are you saying a _troll_ is powerful enough to run a _spaceship_?”

Dave snorted. “Hell yeah. Especially that one, isn’t that right Karkat?”

Karkat’s lip had curled up into silent snarl but he nodded reluctantly.

“And what better place to put your most powerful energy source than inside something that needs a lot of fucking power, and what needs more power than interstellar flight?”

John stared. He was still trying to comprehend how a troll about the size of a human could even be a power source. Were they like compact little batteries? And humans were having _sex_ with these trolls? Karkat kept his head in his hands for a long moment before raising his head again and glaring. “I fucking hate humans,” he said with feeling. “Fuck you,” he told Dave succinctly. “One of your fucked up little brains might have made this god awful world, but your entire damn species just makes it worse, you wreck everything you fucking touch and I _HATE YOU_ …” he had begun to stand on the bed, lips curled up in a snarl, and John thought he could see red flash in the trolls eyes.

“Kar -,” he began, reaching out to grab the troll’s arm, but Karkat shoved him away. John fell back on the bed with a small exclamation of surprise. The small troll took a couple steps forward, hunched over, hands clenched into fists and teeth bared threateningly.

“Hey,” Terezi had gotten to her feet now, glaring at Karkat as she stepped in front of Dave. “Don’t even think about it,” she said with a low warning growl of her own.

That seemed to startle Karkat. He sat back down abruptly on the edge of the bed, his eyes clearing as he stared at Terezi. The female troll waited a moment longer, then stepped back herself, settling back down beside Dave.

“Right there with you, baby doll,” Dave replied blandly to Karkat, as if the entire thing between the two trolls hadn’t just happened. “I hate humans just as much as you do. But this little tale has a happy ending, if it’ll calm you down any,” he paused looked from John to Karkat and back again. “We’re going to steal him,” he paused. “Well, more like he’s going to steal himself and we’re going along for the ride.”

There was dead silence as both John and Karkat stared at Dave.

Karkat got it first. “God,” he muttered. “You’re going to use him to get off this planet aren’t you?”

Dave shrugged. “That’d be about the gist of it, yeah,” he replied. “Well the other option is staying here and enduring the rest of this cosmic clusterfuck quaffed out of God’s asshole. No thanks,” he gave John a significant look. “Now you see, Egbert, why I said you’ll probably want to stay here.”

“But… I don’t…” John shook his head slowly. “This is all crazy. Can’t you just break the Sollux troll out somehow? I mean stealing a _spaceship_ …”

“We can’t,” Dave confirmed briskly. “Jade has been trying to figure out a way to cut him out but she needs time and she needs inside that spaceship and even then she says she doesn’t know if she’d be able to disconnect his circuitry. We don’t stand a chance of getting anywhere near him. And once Sollux breaks out there are exactly no places on this planet we’d be able to hide a super-massive space-faring vessel for any amount of time whatsoever. Which means…” he trailed off.

John had gone pale now. “But… you- don’t you have family? Here on Earth?”

Dave shrugged. “I quit my agency six months ago and I said good-bye to Bro before I left. I left him a note too. He’ll find it eventually.”

John stared, then swallowed. “That’s a- that’s a bit cold.”

Dave shrugged again. “Bro and I have an- uh,” he picked his words carefully. “Understanding. We’re not exactly close.”

John frowned. “Dave, I’m sure he cares about you.”

Dave sighed. “Yeah, maybe. But I can’t really stand to be on this planet much longer anyway. There’s nothing for me here. This isn’t Earth to me, this is the fucked up mind trip version that tries very hard to be normal when it’s really insane. No thanks.”

“What about Rose? And Jade?”

“Rose is going to help us get Kanaya out. She’s not coming… she doesn’t remember anything and she has her mom and her life here. Jade’s grandpa died three years ago. She has nothing left here, and she wouldn’t leave Sollux anyway.” He turned to Karkat. “Before John found you it was just going to be me, Terezi, Jade and Sollux. I was planning on making a sweep, hit up the other trolls I could find in the database, see if any of the others remembered a thing, just in case. But that was before we ran out of time.”

Karkat gave him a suspicious look. “What do you mean, ‘ran out of time’?” he replied.

Dave looked grim. “Jade let me know last week that Sollux is going to be moved in a month. He doesn’t know where they’re taking him, and he wants to get out before that happens. He knows how to get out of where he is right now, but if they move him there is no guarantee he’ll ever be able to escape,” he drew a deep breath. “Karkat, you and Aradia are the last ones. I looked everywhere for her, and her especially… my other theory was that I remembered because of the time thing, and if that was right, she’d remember too. But she’s _nowhere_. The only thing I can think of is that she got put in the same sort of machine that Sollux is in. Jade said some of them don’t make it. And those ones definitely don’t go into public databases,” he drew a deep breath. “I was really fucking glad John found you, you have no idea.”

Karkat gave him a wide eyed look. “But the others… you’ve found the others?”

Dave nodded, returning his attention to his laptop screen. “Scattered across the US, yeah,” he typed into his keyboard, then stopped. “Eridan and Feferi are in San Diego. Nepeta’s in Salt Lake City, Equius is in Idaho Falls, and Tavros is in Cincinatti.”

Karkat looked confused but John let out a little sigh. “Well at least they’re still on the continent,” John said. “What are they doing?”

Dave typed some more things into his laptop. “Eridan and Feferi are part of a private collection, registered on semi-permanent contract to the same guy. Nepeta’s… she’s a companion. Tavros and Equius are both workers,” he looked up again.

“We’re going to go get them,” Karkat said, a determined look crossing his face.

Dave shook his head slowly. “I don’t think that’s a good idea anymore,” he said. “Time constraints. We have to get Sollux out, remember? Not to mention Jade and Kanaya. If your other friends don’t remember, we should leave them behind. Just because they look like people you used to know doesn’t mean they are anymore. We don’t have the time, resources or manpower to save them.”

“How can you say that?” there was a note of incredulous disbelief in Karkat’s voice. “How can you just expect me to…”

“I was going to leave John behind,” Dave pointed out.

“That’s different, that’s totally different, oh my god how could you even think it’s anything alike?” Karkat stood up on the bed again. “John has everything he needs in life, he has a home and security and certainly isn’t living his life as a slave!” he jumped down to the floor and began to pace.

“Karkat, calm down,” Dave said. He pressed his fingers to his forehead as if he had a headache. “You said you saw one of your friends at the school right? The Equius troll?”

Karkat nodded once, sharply.

“And if you saw him today, just randomly on the street and told him we were going to try to steal a spaceship and take off into space and oh, btw, we might _die_ in the process, do you think he’d come?”

Karkat shrugged but dropped his gaze. He knew Dave had a point. “This isn’t right,” he muttered.

Dave shook his head. “None of this is right. This entire world is fucked up, we’ve established this. That train has already left the station. Gone. Bye-bye, no more trains _ever_.”

“Shut up!” Karkat exclaimed. “I’m not leaving them!”

“You don’t get to decide that,” Dave snapped.

Karkat snarled and looked like he was going to say something more when John interrupted him.

“Wait,” he said a bit timidly. “You said we have almost a month, right?” he asked.

Dave nodded. “I have almost a month, yes. Not you,” he said. He looked faintly irritated.

John stared. “So I can’t even come with you and see you off?” he asked.

Dave opened his mouth, then closed it again. “Okay, yeah, maybe…” he started reluctantly.

John smiled. “Great!” he said. “We could just do a road trip! It’ll take like two days to drive down to San Diego. Then we just hit the other three cities on the way back up to pick up Rose’s troll!”

Dave started to shake his head, then paused and sighed. “There are so many things that could go wrong with that,” he said. “First, we have two trolls with us and we’re both teenagers last I checked. Maybe if we were a bit older we could do it…”

 “I think we could do it now!” John disagreed. “There’s nothing illegal about taking trolls across state lines, as long as we make sure we bring them back. It says so in the contact,” he added. He had read that contract from end to end.

Dave looked startled at that and visibly hesitated. “I don’t think…”

“Dave,” John said and played his trump card. “You know much it would mean to Karkat.” At the same time he felt a tiny well of hope for the first time since this conversation had begun. He wouldn’t lose Karkat as quickly after all if Dave agreed to let John drive all over the country. He’d get another week or two to be with him.

He was fairly sure Dave knew that as well because he gave him a long look. “No matter what we decide to do, we’ll still have to transfer Karkat’s contract over to me,” he said.

“What?” John replied. “Why?” he asked. Oh, there it was, the sinking feeling was back. At the same time Karkat stopped pacing and went absolutely still.

 The corner of Dave’s mouth quirked up into a humorless smile. “Because he’s going to go missing once we meet up with Jade and Sollux. You can’t be his last owner.”

“Oh,” John said. It was the only thing he could think of to say. Well, that explained a lot, like why Dave was going to take Karkat in the first place. A quick glance at Karkat showed the troll was looking at Dave with his teeth clenched and his hands balled into fists. He started to growl again.

Dave glanced up at the troll and snorted. “Calm the fuck down, I don’t want you for anything,” he said. “I just don’t want John to go to prison for losing a troll. If you come with us, that is. You’re coming aren’t you?”

Karkat hesitated for a very long moment, staring at his feet briefly before looking up at John. “John, look, I appreciate everything....”

John shook his head quickly. “You don’t have to apologize. I understand,” he said as he struggled to keep his face from showing any emotion whatsoever. 

Dave let out a little sigh. “Tomorrow we’ll go get Karkat’s contract transferred over to me. After that, John, all you need you to do is keep things quiet. If everything goes well, road trip or not, we’ll be off the planet in a couple weeks and you can tell whoever you want.”

John started shaking his head slowly. So he really was going to lose Karkat. “What am I going to tell my dad?” he asked finally. “About the contract,” he added. The contract part of the conversation had killed his enthusiasm regarding the potential road trip. 

“I’ll handle the contract stuff and talk to your dad,” Dave replied. “You won’t have to worry about anything.”

John heaved a sigh and ran a hand over his face. “Okay,” he said. His mood had crashed incredibly. That was way too much to absorb. “… Whatever you guys decide. I need… I need to go,” he got up and made for the door.

“John,” Dave called out to him before he could leave the room. John turned slightly. “I’m sorry,” he said. There was complete sincerity in his tone.

John gave him a smile that he was sure came out more like a wince than anything. “It’s okay,” he said.

Dave raised an eyebrow at him. “No it’s not,” he replied.

John shrugged. “It will have to be,” he said matter-of-factly. He shot a glance at Karkat. The troll looked downright miserable and John dropped his eyes again. “I’ll be in my room,” he said. He turned and left, shutting the door quietly behind him. 

.

John sat down on the edge of his bed with a soft sigh, arms resting on his thighs as he peered wearily at his door.

That had frankly been a shit load of information to absorb. He took his glasses off with one hand and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palm with the other. “This is fucked up,” he said finally. “Why is everything so fucked up?” he asked his hand.

He flopped down and stared up at the ceiling. After a while he got tired of that and turned to stare at the wall instead.

He could hear things happening in his house as he lay there. There was the sound of someone leaving the guest room and sometime after that he could hear the quiet hum of Dave’s voice as he talked to his dad downstairs. He heard the shower running, and a cackle as Terezi laughed. That was followed by the lower hum of Karkat’s voice as he protested whatever it was the other troll had done.

What seemed like hours later his door opened. He knew it was Karkat by the way the door closed again very quietly and there was the near non-existent sounding of footfalls coming across the carpet. The edge of his bed dipped as the troll climbed onto it.

“John,” Karkat said. John didn’t reply.

“Johhhnn,” there was an odd purring way to how the troll said his name. It sounded almost sad. Karkat carefully climbed up the bed until he was lying against him. After another long hesitation an arm slid around his waist. The troll scrunched up against him, scooting closer. A forehead pressed against the curve of his back where it met his shoulder. He could feel the brush of air against his neck as he sighed.

John still didn’t know what to say, or what, if anything there _was_ to say. But he did reach down and carefully thread the troll’s fingers between his own and gave it a gentle squeeze.

.


	11. Chapter 11

.

The knock to John’s bedroom door woke both of them up. John fumbled for his glasses and patted Karkat on the shoulder instinctively before glancing at the time.

It read 7:05 am. “Yeah?” he called out in confusion.

It was his dad. “Are you decent?” was the reply.

John let out a little laugh, even as he turned his shoulder pats to little circular rubs. Karkat had gone stiff as a board just from hearing the sound of his dad’s voice. “Yeah,” he replied, sitting up the rest of the way. At once he remembered everything from the day before and froze himself a little bit inside. Whatever his dad wanted undoubtedly had something to do with all the mind fuckery Dave had spewed the day before. He stifled a groan under his breath.

Egbert senior opened the door and peaked inside before stepping in and shutting the door quietly behind him. He glanced at Karkat first, the troll has sat up as well and positioned himself so he was behind John. “How are you this morning, Karkat?” he asked politely. Karkat didn’t reply, just watched him warily, and Mr. Egbert turned his attention back to his son.

“Dave told me some worrying things yesterday, John,” he said, and John was fairly sure he stopped breathing for a moment.

“Yeah?” he replied, trying to keep the nervousness out of his voice.

“About Karkat’s contract,” he continued.

Oh right, the _contract_. He knew this looked bad, and Karkat was still in the same bed as him... “Er, what did he say?” he asked.

His dad frowned. “I understand that Karkat was bought with Dave’s money and by his request, but does transferring his contract make you happy?” he asked.

John felt relieved and a little pained at the same time. No it didn’t make him happy, but he couldn’t show that. Instead he shrugged. “Well,” he said finally. “It was his money...”

“That’s another thing,” Mr. Egbert continued. “I know he is your friend, but he wasn’t exactly forthright on the issue of Karkat’s future ownership,” he actually looked mildly upset at that.

John shrugged again and offered a smile. “Dad, it’s okay. Heck,” he turned around and looked at Karkat, who had a slightly helpless expression on his face, mixed with what seemed to be mild irritation. He probably didn’t enjoy being talked about like he wasn’t even in the room. “I was just happy for the opportunity to meet Karkat here,” he let out a little laugh. “And I definitely learnt a lot about trolls!”

His father looked skeptical for a moment, then nodded slowly. “If you’re okay with the transaction, I’ll let you make that decision. But, if you want to keep Karkat for whatever reason, I can give your young friend the money he paid for him,” his dad offered Karkat a smile which definitely wasn’t returned.

John felt touched. Especially since he knew how much Karkat had cost. “Aw, thanks Dad,” he said, and meant it. He shifted and glanced at Karkat again, then reached out and placed his hand on Karkat’s knee. “I’ll miss him, but he’ll get along great with Dave I’m sure,” Karkat shot him a look like he was crazy and John looked away quickly. “Anyway, I still have a couple more days with him.”

“About that,” Mr. Egbert said. “School starts again for you soon and you’re still only 16. We should discuss this road trip idea in further detail when I get home from work,” he adjusted his tie as he spoke.

Oh, so Dave had gone into that too. John nodded numbly. “I’d like to go,” he said. It was true. He felt bad about losing Karkat, he’d feel even worse if he couldn’t go with Dave to see the other trolls. Funny how quickly Karkat had become so important in his life...

Mr. Egbert afforded him a small smile as he turned towards the door again. “We’ll talk more about it later son,” he grasped the brim of his hat and tilted his head towards the troll. “Karkat,” he offered.

.

John let out a small sigh of relief as soon as his Dad had left the room and flopped back on the blankets. He didn’t even know why he had felt so stressed about that, nothing went wrong. His dad wasn’t going to get upset with the contract transfer...

He glanced at Karkat. The troll looked absolutely miserable. “Hey,” he said, reaching out and patting him on the arm. He swallowed. “Dave won’t hurt you.”

“I _know_ that numbnuts,” Karkat snarled at him. He turned away from John and wrapped himself up in the blankets, lying back down on the mattress with a thump.

John heaved a sigh. He could already tell it was going to be a long day and it was barely after seven. He glared at the alarm clock like it was somehow responsible for his early morning rousing.

.

Dave hired the cab around ten that morning, a little bit after the markets had opened for the day. The entire cab ride to the market was uncomfortable, John was stuck in the back between two trolls. Karkat was sulking, he hadn’t said a word to anyone since that morning, and Terezi was tense as well, her clawed hands folded neatly in her lap.

The walk to the troll cages was even worse, all the companion trolls watched them with curiosity as they approached, a pair of trolls and two human kids who barely looked old enough to drive. At least Dave walked like he had a purpose. John saw Mr. Taylor from a distance and pointed him out to Dave. The troll owner looked beyond surprised to see John, but John didn’t have to explain himself or anything. Dave took instant control of the situation. “A pleasure to meet you,” his blond haired friend said with his smooth Texan accent, holding out his hand. “I have some things to discuss with you regarding your troll here, you can accommodate us I’m sure?”

“Yeah, sure,” was the slightly confused reply. Mr. Taylor gave John a narrow eyed look before turning and motioning them both to follow him back.

.

The two trolls were placed in a holding cell while Mr. Taylor ushered them into his office. Dave gave Terezi a reassuring pat on the cheek that seemed to calm her right down, even she looked nervous at the sight of the cell. Karkat looked like he was being led to his death. John didn’t pat him or anything, he was kind of afraid of being bit again. He glanced back as they were led away only to find Karkat was gripping the bars and staring after him, much like he had been on the first day he saw him. It made something in John’s throat catch. ‘I’ll be back,’ he mouthed at the troll. As he looked away he winced to himself. He really didn’t want to just leave him there.

How was he even going to be able to let him go with Dave? The worker troll had warned him about getting attached, but he already had. John shoved his hands into his pockets and glumly followed Dave into the office.

Dave, surprisingly enough, handled everything with frank professional charm. John didn’t have to even do anything but sit there and say yes when Mr. Taylor asked him if he approved the transfer. John knew how this looked, and what Dave was implying without even saying it. Yes, he couldn’t handle a troll. Yes, he needed his good friend who was very good at handling trolls take over the contract. Yes, he failed at having a servant, even though he didn’t. Even Mr. Taylor seemed to like Dave a lot more than he liked John, probably because Dave already had one troll and obviously knew how to handle her.

Dave even had to pay an extra $300 for the transfer fees, of which he shrugged off like it was nothing.

Must be nice to have money, John thought.

.

The taxi ride back was even worse. Karkat looked beyond relieved to see them come back, but he had been suspiciously silent since then, following the three of them with his head down. John and Dave chatted a bit about video games on the ride home but there wasn’t a peep out of the two trolls. When they got back to the house the boys decided to put on a movie, a random action adventure they could all enjoy... Karkat excused himself and retreated upstairs almost right away.

John thought nothing of it, really, only that Karkat needed some alone time. Likewise he didn’t think anything of it when they finally finished their movie and both decided to go to their respective rooms instead of hanging out longer. Dave mentioned something about needing to do more research on the two San Diego trolls, and John was happy to have a little time to himself again. Karkat wasn’t in his room, so he figured he was in the guest room. That was fine, Dave and Karkat could figure out trip plans without him, he was basically along for the ride anyway.

That lasted exactly no time at all until he heard the sound of Karkat yelling at Dave. He considered for a moment, then decided against going to investigate. It was probably more of the same chat yelling as he had done a couple days previous, except alive and in person this time.

.

.

.

Dave stared at Karkat the moment he entered the guest room. He had expected the grouchy troll to have gone to the same room as John. He would have just ignored him and gone to his own laptop, but there was something about how he was sitting, in the middle of the bedding pile Dave hadn’t moved the previous night, arms around his legs and curled up as tightly against the wall as he could possibly go.

“Karkat,” he said impassively.

Karkat didn’t look at him and instead slowly unfolded and got to his feet.

“What are you doing?” Dave asked as he just stood there.

Karkat raised his head. His hands balled into fists at his sides but he didn’t move. “You own me, in case you weren’t paying any attention this morning,” he muttered. “I’m here to do whatever you want me to do.” His lip curled slightly.

Dave was actually slightly stunned for a moment.

“Are you kidding me?” Terezi exclaimed from where she stood behind the blond haired boy. “I told you already he’s not going to anything to you you don’t want him to!”

Right, okay, Karkat obviously had a great time working himself up that morning. Dave held up a hand. “I got this Tez,” he said. He sighed heavily. “I thought we went over this yesterday dude. I am categorically not okay with contracts.”

Karkat’s lip curled slightly. “Well you certainly paid a lot for one.”

“Oh my god, can we not...” he strode up to the troll and reached out to put his hand on Karkat’s shoulder, probably to shake him a bit.

Karkat flinched and cringed away and at that particular moment Dave got to learn firsthand what John meant when he demonstrated how Karkat reacted to touch. He drew his hand away and instead used it to press against his forehead like he had a headache.

“Alright,” he said quietly after a moment. “I can deal with this shit, I can,” he reached out again, this time slowly as not to startle, and took Karkat by the arm. The smaller troll didn’t react, only stared up at him. “Terezi, could you give us a moment?” he asked.

Terezi looked surprised but recovered quickly. “Good luck,” she muttered before she left, pulling the door shut behind herself as she went.

Dave led Karkat over to the bed and sat him down on it. He realized his mistake about a second after he had Karkat sit, but decided it was too late to change his mind. Beds were comfortable to sit on anyway and he sat down beside the troll like he had intended to do that. “I spent two years sharing the same breathing space with you on that damn meteor, I’m not going to let you do this.”

“Do what, exactly,” Karkat hissed at him. “Oh knowledgeable one, please enlighten me!” he was bristling now, Dave could see it. He was also on the verge of flipping out, he knew the signs well from being practically the only other person of a hunk of moving rock for two years.

“Karkat.”

“Shut up!” Karkat snapped at him. He reached up and grabbed his upper arms, fingers digging into flesh and hunching in on himself. “Just, do it already! Do whatever the fuck it is you want with me...” he drew in a sharp breath, then another. “Oh god, oh god, I can’t _breathe_...” he listed dangerously forward. 

Dave caught him before he went down, but the act took them both off of the bed and onto the floor. The troll was having a panic attack, Dave decided. He hadn’t seen one of those since the first year on the meteor. Good thing nothing really changed, he thought ruefully. “How are you even still alive,” he muttered as the troll thrashed, trying desperately to get away and throw him off at the same time. After a while he just tired out and lay stiffly in the human boy’s arms. When his breathing got back under control he shot Dave a look.

Dave still had his arms around the troll. “I got you princess,” he said dryly. When Karkat bore his teeth at him the Dave let him go and settled back, sitting against the side of the bed.

“I fucking hate you,” Karkat snapped. “You have no idea.” He sat up as well.

“You never answered the question,” Dave replied blithely.

Karkat glared. “I did what I had to, what does it even matter?”

“It matters because I’m your friend - ”

“Bullshit, we were never friends,” Karkat snarled.

“We were totally bros, what are you even talking about? Dick battles, remember? Shipping grids, oh my god do you remember when –“ he paused as a look of pain crossed Karkat’s face. “Sorry.” He apologized.

Karkat didn’t reply.

Dave shifted and pushed his shades back. “Either way, if this is ever going to work, we’re gonna have to learn how to work together,” he gave the troll a pointed look. “Do you think you can hold it together for two weeks? That’s all you need dude. And then you’ll be free.”

Karkat let out a snort. “Freedom. Ha. I don’t even think I know what that means anymore.”

Dave shrugged. “You’ll relearn,” he sat back against the bed. “In the mean time, you got a boy who really likes you and he’s probably gonna be travelling with us for a couple weeks. Do you want me to tell him to stay behind?”

Karkat’s head snapped up. “What? No! John can come.”

Dave raised an eyebrow. “You sure? He doesn’t own your contract anymore dude, you don’t owe him anything.”

Karkat’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times but he couldn’t force anything out. The anguish on his face was obvious. “I don’t...”

“You don’t owe me anything either.”

“That is the largest piece of hoofbeast shit I’ve ever heard!” Karkat exploded, distracted from his own distress.

Dave was mildly surprised, though he kept it to himself. “Whoa man, I haven’t heard a troll swear in like five years,” he said instead.

“Fuck you,” Karkat replied. “Of course I fucking owe you, I probably owe you my life, oh thank you by the way, and now you can rub my fucking face in it –“

“I am doing nothing of the sort –“

“Of course you fucking are, sitting there with that stupid smug expression on your external visage –“

“What are you even talking about, I have a perfect poker face –“

“Don’t give me that, I can see right through your stupid so called poker face!” Karkat was furious now, his face turning darker as he yelled.

Instead of responding, Dave eyed him for a long moment, then sat back again with a soft huff of laughter. “I missed this,” he confessed. “Never thought I would.”

“You’re trying to change the subject,” Karkat snapped.

“Damn right I am, the pity parade is getting a bit dull.”

Karkat actually grit his teeth for a moment. “... Fine, whatever.” He muttered finally. The troll dropped his gaze again, anger slowly draining from his face. After another long moment he came over and sat back against the bed with Dave. The troll picked at the carpet some, then turned his head towards John’s room, staring at the wall with a particular expression on his face.

“If you wanna go be with him, you should,” Dave said quietly. “If he means that much to you. You don’t have much time before we get off this horrible rock,” he paused and thought for a moment. “If we even make it.”

“Don’t say it like that,” the troll replied, a pleading expression on his face.

“We’re in a doomed timeline, anything is possible...”

“Stop, oh my god,” it was Karkat’s turn to press his hand to his forehead. He shook his head slightly, then stumbled to his feet. “Fine, I get it,” he gave Dave an assessing look. “John comes with us,” he said.

“Okay,” Dave said. He was quiet for a very long moment before continuing in a serious voice. “You’re going to break his heart,” he meant it completely un-ironically. John had fought for Karkat, he was in love with the troll, though Dave had no idea how that was even possible after what, five days? And the feelings were returned, obviously.

Karkat’s face twisted. “Yeah,” he muttered. “Yeah, I know.”

“And probably your own.”

Karkat glared at him, but the troll had never been very good at keeping any sort of emotion off of his face and Dave saw right through it.

“Hey, I’m gonna miss him too,” Dave said quietly, figuring since they were sharing their intimate feelings and shit it would be okay to say. He sighed and waved his hand. “Go be with him for fucks sake. What are you even still doing here.”

“Arguing with an incredibly self important bag of dicks,” was the adamant reply.

“Human dicks or troll dicks?”

“Human, naturally.”

Dave let out a small chuckle and waved his hand again, this time towards the door. “Get the fuck out of here dude. Send Terezi back here if you see her?”

Karkat turned to go, then turned back again. “You don’t own her either,” he growled at him.

Dave just gave him a look. “Damn right I don’t,” he retorted.

For the first time since he had arrived he saw a ghost of a smile cross Karkat’s face. The troll left without further protest.

.

.

.

John didn’t even turn away from the computer when Karkat came back into the room. “Are you done telling Dave where to go and how fast he can get there?” he asked casually. He hadn’t caught much of the argument between the two, except for the couple sentences where Karkat had literally been yelling. When he didn’t get a reply he looked up.

Karkat was standing against the inside of the door, looking at him with a lost expression on his face.

“What is it?” John asked, instantly concerned. He got up from his desk chair.

“Are –“ Karkat took a hesitant step towards him, then stopped and shook his head slightly. “I know Dave has my contract now, but he doesn’t seem to give much of a shit,” he said finally.

John shook his head. “I don’t think he does either,” he replied.

“Right,” Karkat drew a deep breath and then another. “John...” he couldn’t seem to get out what he wanted to say.

John frowned at the troll pensively, then thought of a possible solution. He opened up his arms hopefully.

It turned out to be the right choice. Karkat hesitated for only a second more, then came over and wrapped his arms around the human boy, holding him tightly.

“Are we still dating,” Karkat asked, his voice muffled in John’s shirt.

John placed his chin on the top of Karkat’s head, right between his small horns. He was just the right height for it. “Until you go, yes,” he replied. “If you want to keep dating of course.”

If anything that seemed to make the troll cling to him tighter. “Yes,” he said. “I’d like that very much.” After a few moments more he moved his head back so that he could look at John. He hesitated for a moment, then swallowed and seemed to be steeling himself for something. John let him take his time.

“I want to be your matesprit,” Karkat finally confessed in a low voice. “Even if it’s just going to be for a few days. Who fucking knows if I’ll have another chance and I don’t want my only memory of humans to be...” he trailed off. “Only if you want to though.”

John’s brow knit. He tried to remember if Karkat had mentioned what a matesprit was before. It was obviously a troll word, and from the word “mate” he could easily guess it involved relationships. Quadrants then, or whatever Karkat was talking about during their movie date the other day. “Is that the one that involves, er, love and stuff?”

Karkat looked embarrassed and pulled away from him. “Wait, don’t go,” John protested. He reached out and touched one of the troll’s darkly flushed cheeks. “I’m guessing that’s a yes,” John said with a small laugh.

Karkat twitched. “Nevermind,” he muttered. “I shouldn’t have...” he turned away.

Wait, please," John said. "It’s okay,” he continued in a quieter voice when the troll paused. He spread his hands wide. “Yes. You’re going to have to tell me what to do because I have no idea how troll romance works but yes. I’ll be your mate-whatever.”

Karkat turned back again, his lip curled in disgust. “Matesprit,” he snapped. “If you can’t even say the word...”

“Matesprit,” John repeated quickly, duly chastised. Karkat seemed to calm at that. He let out a small huff of a sigh, then relaxed. After a moment he took a tentative step back towards John, than another, then leaned up against him and sniffed at him before letting out a soft contented growling sound. John smiled happily, and wrapped his arms around the troll once again.

.


	12. Chapter 12

.

John sighed as he scrubbed, watching as the soap suds run down the length of his body to be washed away. It had been a very tiring day. He had cuddled with Karkat a bit after the dating discussion, and after that he had to go confer with Dave about what exactly they were going to tell his Dad about the trip.

They finally both agreed that they were going to be vague on the details but essentially tell the truth.  They were going to head down to San Deigo to see Sea World first before driving across the country to visit Rose in New York State.

After that, Dave said, they’d turn in the rental car and Dave’d hop a flight back to Texas with the two trolls and he’d pay for John’s ticket back to Seattle. That was the general plan anyway, their actual plans just included a few more stops between San Diego and New York and Dave didn’t intend to return to Texas.

Mr. Egbert had nodded pensively, given Karkat and John one of those looks that made John feel like his dad was looking right through him. After some consideration and puffs on his pipe he said he would let them go but he wanted to be called each and every day so he’d know his son, and Karkat, were safe.

John thought it was odd that his dad included Karkat, and his dad also kept looking from Karkat to John and back again with a particular expression on his face, like they were a puzzle he was trying to figure out.

John had been sure to thank his dad profusely, but his dad had just waved him off and told him to go have fun with his friends.

They settled down to play video games, or rather Dave and John played video games while the trolls watched. Karkat was tense as sat on the couch in such a way that he took up the least amount of room possible. He didn’t say much of anything and he gave John a very solemn look when the human boy leaned over to kiss the top of one of his horns when he walked by. At least he didn’t look angry, which was always a good thing.

Still... John had no idea what the troll was thinking, and that bothered him. He let out a soft groan, scrubbed at his face and sighed. He meant everything he said to Karkat before Dave showed up and he wanted to keep it that way. And now that he was allowed to come with Dave and Terezi on their road trip they’d have at least a couple weeks together.

That was the other thing weighing down on his mind. He only had a couple of weeks to figure out a relationship with someone who was a completely different species than him. Not only that, he was trying really hard to see Karkat as the same he would any human boy, but the entire fact that they had met because John had _bought_ him hung heavy between them. Granted it was a lot better now that Dave owned Karkat’s contract and also that Dave had stopped talking about how good sex with trolls was (he had a feeling Karkat and Dave would have another big argument if Dave even tried to say some of the things that he had said to John about trolls around him.) He also knew for a fact that a lot of the things Dave had said to him had been exaggerations, not that he hadn’t expected before.

Dave was a bit of a dick, but he knew that already. He also was a bit... disappointed more than anything that Dave had used him to get at Karkat, though he didn’t really blame him. He’d probably do the same in his position, actually he knew he would. A chance to rescue an old friend though another old friend? Who wouldn’t really, and how else would have Dave gotten to Karkat before his contract was bought by someone else?

John bit his lip. It was probably a good thing that Dave owned the troll’s contract, and the troll still came to him after the contract transfer had happened. Karkat had asked if he wanted to date and to do that troll relationship thing after the transfer, so he wasn’t doing it because he still felt obligated. At least he had said he wasn’t, but John couldn’t help but worry.

And not only that, what if he wanted to do more than just cuddle and kiss? What if that troll relationship thing actually did involve sex? John drew a deep breath and let it out again. He wanted Karkat, that was for sure, but did the troll want him in return?

He came to you, he thought at himself. The contract transfer was done and he came to you. That’s got to count for something, right?

If he let him call the shots, maybe it would be okay. He still felt uneasily guilty, like he was doing something he shouldn’t by even thinking about having sex with the troll, but his body didn’t seem to care very much. He was as hard as a rock just at the mere thought of doing anything with Karkat.

Right, first thing he was going to do was take care of his boner. Next thing he was going to do was... his mind skipped a couple beats as he took himself in hand. He was going to talk to the troll. Yes talk to him, sit him down and hash out all the gritty details. Even if Karkat acted like it was the worst or most embarrassing thing that ever happened to him, he had to do it, at very least to relieve his conscience.

.

When he got back to his bedroom after his shower he was surprised to find Karkat was already in his bed, wrapped up so that only his head was peeking out from under the covers of the blankets on the bed. John hesitated for a moment, then turned away to drop his towel and very quickly pull on a pair of boxers.

Once he had his boxers on he turned back and walked over to the bed. Karkat eyed him, then shuffled back so that John could climb in as well. The troll offered him some of the blanket and John accepted it, scrunching in beside him.

“We need to talk,” John said with a yawn.

Karkat froze, then let out a low groan. “Now?” he asked.

“Well...”

 Karkat pushed back the blankets so they were all on top of John and sat up. John could see he was shirtless in the light from his bedside table lamp, which was the first time since their failed attempt at sex and that first day in the cages that he had seen Karkat’s chest bare. He had noticed before of course but this time he actually _looked_. He was smooth skinned and had lightly raised rounded patches of darker grey along his sides just under his ribs. He also had the faintest scars across his shoulders and torso, there were a couple more prominent ones here and there, especially on his arms. Nothing that looked like it had been cause by anything lethal or remotely so, they could pass for scars acquired while wiping out on a bike or taking a bad fall. Before he knew about the school John hadn’t thought anything of them. Now he frowned and reached out. “Can I?” he asked.

Karkat shrugged and John traced a faint one that ran down the side of Karkat’s upper arm. “School?” he asked finally.

Karka nodded slowly.

John moved on and touched one of the darker patches. “Are those from school too?”  he asked.

“No,” Karkat looked mildly surprised at that. “That was where my hatch legs were.”

John just stared at him. “... Hatch legs.” He repeated.

Karkat stared back. “Yes, hatch legs. You don’t think I was hatched with two arms and two legs do you?”

John looked slightly scared. “... yes?” he replied. There was silence in the room. John swallowed and felt like he had just taken a step into the twilight zone. “Er... how many arms and legs did you have when you were... born?”

“Six of course,” Karkat replied.

John actually had no idea what to say to that except to stare at Karkat with his mouth hanging open. 

Karkat heaved a sigh. “We’re hatched...” he stopped, considered and kept going. “We’re _born_ as wigglers... _babies_ to a mother grub. When we get old enough we make cocoons and pupate. We come out looking like miniature adults,” he made a hand motion to himself. “After that we grow just the same as you humans do.”

John continued to stare. “... Seriously?” he asked after a long moment.

Karkat gave him an irritated look. “Yes, why would I joke about that. I’m not a human John, we do have differences you know.”

John sat up abruptly. “You’re a _bug_ ,” he said, absolutely fascinated.

“... What?”

“You’re a bug! You make a cocoon and metamorph-whatever that word is- and hatch out of it, oh my God I’m dating a bug!”

Karkat looked utterly baffled. “And your human women grow to grotesque proportions and push out to utterly helpless terrible little squally things, you don’t see me going on about it!”

John stared at the troll for a moment longer, then began to laugh. When he stopped his eyes were lit with curiosity. “That’s incredible,” he said taking one of Karkat’s hands and examining it. He moved on to a horn, feeling the slightly ridged surface. “To go from that to this. You’re so human.”

“We came first,” Karkat grumbled. “You ended up like us,” his eyes fell half lidded as John buried his fingers into the troll’s thick hair and scratched at the base of one of his horns.

John paused and smiled. He remembered this from Karkat’s chat conversation with Dave. “Because you created our race, right.”

“Your universe,” Karkat corrected. He paused and sighed. “It doesn’t matter,” he reached up and caught John’s hand in his own, pulling it away from his head. “You said you wanted to talk,” he said.

“About the matesprit thing, yeah,” John replied.

“Oh,” that just made Karkat blush. He looked down, suddenly embarrassed.

“What do matesprits do to one another, specifically,” John was serious now. He was a serious adult and this was going to be a serious conversation.

Karkat shrugged and cleared his throat. “About the same thing humans do,” he replied. “Disgusting make outs, inappropriate displays of affection. Pailing to contribute genetic material to the drones to supply the mother grub with slurry to make more wigglers.”

John blinked. He blinked again when nothing of what Karkat just said in that last sentence decided to compute. “... huh?”

“Troll reproduction, John,” Karkat gave him an exasperated look. “We have to learn all about your reproductive cycles, I’m surprised they don’t teach you anything about ours.”

John shrugged helplessly. “I guess it’s not that important...” he trailed off and felt ashamed. Yes they really should have to learn about trolls from school. It suddenly seemed terrible that they had an entire race sharing the same planet with them and the most he ever learnt about trolls came from movies where people were rich enough to have them or from the playground at school. He flinched and pressed on. “So, uh... okay, the genetic material thing is the part that has to do with buckets, right?” he said.

“Yes,” Karkat nodded, and flushed darkly. He continued, despite being obviously embarrassed. “The genetic material is stored until needed to give to the drones,” he paused. “Trolls can pail without buckets once the genetic build up is released.”

“... that’s what you did with the bucket the first day you were here right?” John asked tentatively. He remembered how well that had gone, when Karkat had been so terribly scared and defensive and he was almost afraid to mention it.

Karkat didn’t react badly. “Yes,” he replied. The corner of his mouth quirked up. “It’s under your sink in your bathroom.”

“... Thanks,” John made a mental note to go find it and empty it tomorrow. “Pailing means sex then,” he said and was amazed he managed to keep his voice steady.

“Very good John!” Karkat replied in mock surprise. “You figured it out in one, I am impressed.”

“You’re being sarcastic,” John said.

“Yes,” the troll replied and he flashed a grin that showed all of his teeth. It looked like he had far less teeth than Terezi did.

The corner of John’s lip curved up into an answering smile. “That’s one of the things that I liked about you when we met,” he said.

The expression on Karkat’s face grew a little more fond. “You do seem to enjoy verbal punishment. Both times. The reasons are beyond me.”

“I seriously liked you right away in that game?”

Karkat shifted but gave the human boy another small smile. “Well, no,” he replied. “But by the end you did. Or, you seemed to at least.”

John felt satisfied. At least he knew he was somewhat the same as he was back then despite the memory wipe or whatever happened. He paused at the particular way Karkat was looking at him now, his head slightly tilted as if he was considering something, then got it. He slowly leaned forwards and Karkat met him halfway.

The kiss was slow and sweet, and chaste, thought it didn’t stay that way. Karkat caught his lower lip between his teeth and held for a second before letting go, which John did back to the troll playfully. At that Karkat let out an odd chirping sound in the back of his throat and John soon found himself lying back on the bed being _very_ vigorously kissed. He could barely compute anything as Karkat nipped at his lips a couple more times with his slightly rounded teeth, soft growls welling up from his throat. It was nice, and kind of scary at the same time, the amount of enthusiasm the troll was putting into it. He silently bemoaned the fact that they actually hadn’t really talked that much about what he wanted to talk about with Karkat as the troll slid on top of him. Then John became very aware of how warm he was... and that he was heavy. The troll rocked against him, blunted claws digging into his upper arms as he growled and chirped.

John managed to get his face away from the troll, mostly because Karkat decided to start lavishing attention onto his neck. “Nnngh Karkat weshould...” he tried to get out.

“This is your fault,” Karkat replied, sounding quite breathless himself. “Talking about buckets like that...”

“That’s a turn on?” John was surprised.

Karkat bit his neck, just above where he bit him before, not hard enough to break the skin, thankfully. “You really don’t know anything about trolls, do you John?” the troll replied as he pulled away far enough to look John in the eyes.

“Well yeah,” John agreed. “That’s why you have to teach me,” he gave Karkat a fond smile and reached up, embedding his hands into his messy black hair. Karkat let out a small warbling noise and tilted his head back, eyes falling half closed again as he slid against him. John was distracted back to that. The troll was definitely aroused, shit, he could feel him...

He was getting interested himself, even though he had taken care of his business in the shower. He let out a small gasp as Karkat slid further back and ground down against him. “Please tell me this is a good idea,” he groaned.

“It’s a good idea, it’s a very good idea, probably the best idea,” Karkat replied, his voice coming out in breathy little gasps.

“And it’s not... you’re not...”

Karkat reached up and put his hand over John’s mouth. “No,” he said. There was something frighteningly serious in the way the troll was looking at him now. “No, you stupid beautiful human boy,” he continued. “I want you. I want you for as long as I can have you, short as it may be. I wouldn’t have asked you to be my matesprit if I didn’t.”

“O-okay,” he kissed the troll back when he leaned down to do just that. When he pulled away again to lavish attention on the rest of his face John bit his lip. “Nnngh,” he drew in a ragged breath as the troll rubbed against him in a particularly pleasant way. Oh God, this was really going to happen wasn’t it? He thought briefly that maybe he should try to stop him, no matter how much he didn’t want to. Karkat was right though, in a couple days he’d be gone...

But that was just going to make it hurt more wasn’t it?

He forced the thought back and bit his lip harder as Karkat slip his boxers down. A warm hand closed around him. He could only watch and stare and run his hands over whatever part of the troll he could reach. Karkat stripped himself just as quickly, and yeah John could see his troll dick was more than interested in the proceedings. That Karkat didn’t even touch, only swung his leg back over John’s torso to straddle him. He glanced at his face again, looking a little uncertain, then leaned up and kissed John again, petting the side of his face a couple of times in a comforting gesture.

When John was suitably distracted with kisses and face pats Karkat brought his other hand down between them and took him in a very gentle grip. He saw a flash of a smirk cross Karkat’s face and then the troll sunk down.

And _oh_...

John was aware of several things at once, that he was somewhere warm, slick and good, so good, and that he _wasn’t a virgin anymore_ and that Karkat was staring down at him like he was the second coming of troll Jesus Christ... if trolls even had a Jesus Christ. He had no idea what he had done to deserve that look and then Karkat rocked back and down and his eyes fell shut. He thrust up mindlessly, Karkat weighed a ton for someone so small, and then he decided very quickly it was best just to let the troll do what he wanted to do. Sure enough Karkat started to move and _wow_...

It felt good, really good in fact, but after a few moments more he was pretty sure he was going to die if they didn’t change positions. He reached up, gripping the troll’s hips gently. “Can I?” he asked.

Karkat nodded and stilled so that John could turn them both over and after a couple awkward moments Karkat wrapped his legs around him and John figured out where everything was supposed to go. He pushed in gently, careful to keep his eye on Karkat for any sign that he might be hurting him, but after another couple careful thrusts Karkat let out a warning growl and tightened his legs around the small of his back. “I won’t break,” he snapped.

“Okay, okay,” John replied. “Sheesh.” He only hesitated a moment longer before taking the troll at his word.

It took suspiciously little time for him to finish and when he did he slumped over the troll, panting. He paused and with the last remaining dregs of his energy he rolled to the side, moving onto his back so he didn’t crush the troll with his weight. After a moment of just lying there Karkat got up and shuffled over so that he was over top of him again. He let out a questioning chirping sound that ended in a rumbling purr and gave John a small kiss on the lips. He followed that up with more kisses, spreading them out all over his face, all of them soft and almost tender. It was one of the sweetest things John had ever experienced in his admittedly short and inexperienced life.

“Karkat...” he said. He got a questioning sound in reply. He didn’t realize he was tearing up until Karkat pulled away completely, sitting back. John looked up at him through watery eyes and Karkat gave him a look like he was the most pathetic thing he had ever seen, then he reached down and grasped the sides of his face very gently. He leaned forwards and licked his tears from his face, each side in turn.

“I think... you’re going to think I’m stupid but... I love you,” John muttered. He instantly felt ashamed and like he wanted to curl in on himself and die. “... I just said that out loud that didn’t I?” he let out a shaky laugh. “Hahaha never mind.”

Karkat didn’t do anything but grasp his chin and force him to look at him. “I pity you,” he replied softly.

John felt slightly bewildered. “Oh... okay,” he replied. He sniffed once and frowned. At least he wasn’t tearing up any longer, now he could just go back to being confused by a lot of things the troll said.

Karkat let out a small sigh. “You don’t understand this either, I know,” he said. His voice was kind, and he didn’t sound like he was upset at all.

John ran a hand over his face, wiping his cheeks. “No,” he said.

“It’s what trolls feel instead of love,” Karkat said simply.

 “Okay,” John replied. He sniffed again and thought sluggishly, trying to compute that. “So you feel the same way?” he couldn’t help the tiny wobbling hope in his voice.

“As much as I am able in this fucked up situation and even more than fucked up universe... yes.”

“Right,” John said. He still didn’t know how to feel about that. 

“Also,” the troll continued. He sat up and gave John a very fond smile. “... I just violated my contract.”

John actually sat right up at that, all thoughts of afterglow gone and tears a distant memory. “Oh _shit_ ,” he swore and put his head in his hands. He had forgotten completely, he had _read_ that on the first day... one of the safeguard clauses that said a troll could not be shared between a contract holder and another citizen who was not related to the contract holder. Having sex with someone else’s troll could lead to _actual_ jail time and he definitely wasn’t related to Dave. “Oh my God,” he said to his palms.

Karkat started laughing, and the dry raspy sound was strange coming from him. John had heard sarcastic laughter from Karkat before but not this. John peeked out from behind his fingers to find Karkat’s eyes actually were actually shining with delight. “Dave doesn’t care,” he said, flashing a grin which showed all his teeth again. He reached out and gave John a friendly shove on the shoulder that nearly knocked him over. “I’m not going to _report you_ , if that’s what you’re worried about,” he added.

John jerked his hands away from his face. “I certainly hope not, this was YOUR idea!”

Karkat stopped laughing, thankfully, though the troll still looked happier than John had ever seen him in his life. All five days he had known him he had seen a wide range of emotions – suspicion, fear, terror, anger – joy was definitely not one of them.

“... Did you just have sex with me to violate your contract?” John asked warily.

That got a rather smug look from the troll. “What if I did?” he taunted.

John considered a wide variety of responses – sadness, anger among them - but nothing felt appropriate. Finally he reached over, grabbed a pillow and thumped Karkat over the head with it. “You just took my virginity!” he exclaimed, said in such a way as to show that he wasn’t _that_ upset. “Does that mean nothing to you?”

The troll didn’t answer and instead started laughing again. On the second thump the troll swiped the pillow aside and tackled John back down against the bed. John struggled for half a second, almost afraid he was being actually attacked, before the troll managed to plant a kiss on his chin and he realized that wasn’t the case at all.

He heaved a put upon sigh and let Karkat do what he wanted. Karkat let out a couple more soft growling sounds, kissed John soundly on the lips this time, then went back to biting gently and licking at John’s neck and shoulders. A minute or so later the contented purring sound started up again, this time without John even so much as touching his hair.

 “Well at least I know you like me somewhat,” John muttered.

That got him a sharp nip in response, a small pain that Karkat quickly soothed away with gentle reassuring kisses.

.


	13. Chapter 13

.

John woke up to the sound of someone crying quietly. It took him less than a second to realize the soft sobbing sounds were coming from Karkat, who was now curled into an even tighter ball than he had been during the nights before. He sat up in the darkness, his eyes barely making out the troll in the meager light coming into the room from the streetlamp outside.

His first thought was ‘oh shit’. They had fooled around a bit more before sleeping, but Karkat hadn’t seemed distressed by any of it. In fact he had been more than enthusiastic, but that didn’t stop the sinking feeling in John’s gut. What if he had fucked it all up somehow? He flinched and reached out, concerned as he put his hand on the troll’s bare shoulder. “Karkat?” he whispered.

The troll uncurled from his ball with little effort, rolling onto his back. A soft whimper escaped his lips and a hand flopped uselessly at his side. His eyes remained closed and his head and neck relaxed and tilted at an angle that made John realize the troll was still asleep.

John felt intense relief. Asleep meant he wasn’t the one who upset the troll, but that he was having a nightmare instead. As John watched the troll whimpered again, head jerking to the side, his teeth clenching. His mouth opened into a soft gasp, ragged noises of distress welling up from his throat.

“Karkat,” John repeated. This time he shook the troll, gently, not wanting to startle him. He woke up with a start anyway, jerking violently and letting out a sharp cry. Wide eyes found his in the dark and Karkat recoiled for a second before he seemed to recognize John and let a cry of relief. A moment later John found himself with a warm armful of troll.

“It’s okay,” John soothed. Karkat shook in his arms, his breathing harsh and ragged. “What is it?” he asked. The troll shook his head and pressed his forehead against John’s chest.

“Come on, it’s okay, shhh,” he offered, to try to calm the troll down. It worked in degrees, Karkat’s breathing leveling, though the odd hitching didn’t really stop. “I’ve got you, I’m not going to let anyone hurt you here,” he added.

He got an unexpected choking laugh out of the troll at that. “I used... to imagine you’d somehow miraculously arrive to save me when things got really bad,” his rasping voice was muffled against his shirt. “Once, two of them got… got me into a room with them… cornered me, I couldn’t get out. When - when they started to touch me… I tried to think about you so I wouldn’t panic and lash out and give them a reason to cull me…” 

John was quiet as he absorbed that. Then… “oh my god,” he whispered. He was right, _he was right_ Karkat had had sex with other humans and it was terrible and why the hell did he have to go and...

“It’s okay,” the troll replied, and he actually sounded somewhat relieved. “They let me go when they were done, thank god. And I’ve had far worse nightmares...” he trailed off and let out a small groan. “I think I just triggered myself, my annoying ancestor would be so _pleased_.” Sarcasm was heavy in his voice.

John felt physically ill. It was too much to think about, the things that Karkat just said, that the troll he held had thought about _him_ in order to make something horrific a little less so... “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry,” he said again and the sadness he felt was overwhelming. It was too much, he never wanted to let this troll go, ever.

Karkat was silent again and then finally let out another small rasping laugh. “I just wish they had let me use a bucket,” he replied. “Who even does that, letting it get all over, it’s disgusting...”

John felt like there was a dull ache in his chest that, at this point, would never go away. “I can’t...” he began.

Karkat looked up at him. “I’m freaking you out,” he said. “Shit. I didn’t mean to...”

John tightened his grip on the troll. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I love you,” the words rolled off his tongue easier now than it had earlier that night.

The troll nodded and tilted his head up to kiss him on the tip of his nose. “I know,” he replied.

John was silent, trying to parse his thoughts. “When we did it, it wasn’t... you weren’t....”

Karkat gave him this crumbling look. “I thought of you, you know. I only ever wanted to be with you, if I had to be with a human,” he looked nearly in tears himself. “Stop worrying about it, please stop. If this is going to be a thing, I don’t know if I can handle it.”

John let him go and moved away so he could see more of the shivering troll. “You just had a nightmare about what some horrible humans did to you and last time I checked I was human too,” his voice cracked. “A human who _bought_ you.”

“You’re John,” Karkat replied. He reached out, seemed to think better of it and instead wrapped his arms around himself. “You’re John, you’ve always been John to me, even when I didn’t want to believe it,” he looked absolutely miserable. “I fucked up, I know, I shouldn’t have made you...” he bit his lip, hard enough that it looked like it hurt, then turned over to get up.

It broke John’s heart. He didn’t know that could be an actual thing but his chest felt like it was going to constrict in on its self and it _hurt_. “Stop,” he said. It was the only thing he could think to say. “Stop.”

Amazingly the troll did. He sat on the edge of the bed, his hands balled into fists at his sides and hunched over in misery.

John heaved a sigh. “You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do a thousand times over myself,” he said. “I just... I needed to be reassured I guess. If I promise to stop worrying, will you come back here?”

Karkat was silent for a very long time, sitting on the edge of the bed. The only sounds he made were involuntary, John knew he was crying despite being turned away.

“Karkat, please,” he choked out. “All you’re doing is hurting yourself more. I don’t want you to hurt, I just want you to be okay.”

Karkat drew in a deep breath, then let out a tiny sound of humorless laughter. “What even is okay. I’ve never been that. I might not ever be that,” he said.

John bit his lip, then sat up and reached out, very slowly and carefully wrapping his arms around Karkat from behind. The troll let him and then after a few tense seconds let out a tired groan and leaned back against him. “I love you anyway,” John said, willing his voice to not get stuck in his throat. The mournful thought that had haunted him since the night before crossed his mind. “I don’t know how I’m going to be able to let you go.”

Karkat turned his head and nuzzled the side of his chin. “I’m sorry,” he replied.

“Nothing for you to be sorry about,” John said. He paused to collect himself, so he could talk without his voice breaking. It broke anyway. “Let me be with you while I can?” he said. “I’ll be the best danged matesprit you could ever want,” he forced out a sad smile.

Karkat let out another tiny huff of laughter. He sounded so tired. “You already are,” he replied quietly.

.

He held Karkat as tight as he comfortably could that night, spooned against his back and with his hand stroking his hair and back with gentle reassurance. The troll let out a couple tired but content sounds before dropping back off to sleep.

John didn’t fall back to sleep for a very long time.

.

The next morning John woke up before Karkat did. He went to his closet, took down a duffle bag, and started packing. He paused in the middle of folding up a pair of pants to glance at the sleeping troll, then went over and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

At that particular moment he felt like he was at least thirty years old. He realized he was making a choice that meant he would never be able to do all the things he meant to do with his life – or the things he was supposed to do – like get married, find a home, have children and a white picket fence. He’d miss his dad and this home and the friends he sometimes hung out with at school...

But he’d have his friends, Dave and Jade, and he’d have his troll – his boyfriend rather, he really had to start thinking of Karkat like he was another person. Which he was.

He just had to convince Dave to let him come.

He had to admit the idea of leaving the planet on some sort of spaceship terrified him. What would they even do, fly around aimlessly, then die in space? He bit his lip, then tightened his jaw with determination. Whatever happened he’d take the risk. Now that he knew what he did about the planet, how weird and terrible and wrong it was, he wasn’t sure if he could ever be happy.

When he was done packing enough things he went to the guest room. He knocked and got a grumbled “What?” in reply.

“Dave, let me in.”

There was some rustling before Dave replied. “Fine.”

John opened the door. As he expected Terezi was in the same bed as Dave, blinking sleepily. Dave was sitting up in bed, shirt and sunglasses on.

“I’m coming with you,” John said.

Dave just looked at him. “I know that,” he replied.

“No,” John said. “I’m coming _with_ you... and Karkat.”

Understanding dawned on Dave’s face and he let out a soft groan, pressing a hand to his forehead.

“You didn’t,” he said.

“Didn’t what?” John replied, confused himself now.

“You slept with him didn’t you?” Dave said. “John, I know that you think you’re in love, or whatever the hell, but they’re trained to have sex with humans.”

John could feel the blood drain from his face. “It’s not like that!” he exclaimed. Dave didn’t look convinced. “He said he pitied me. He said that is troll for love.”

“Oh fuck,” Dave actually flinched at that before frowning again. “You don’t want to do this John,” he said, monotone back and firmly in place. “You have a life here, you have your dad. I know you think you’re in love, I can respect that. But he’s just a troll...” Terezi smacked him on the arm, something that surprised the heck out of John, to see that sort of disrespect even after everything he had learned in the last couple days. “Ow,” Dave said mildly, and reached out to pat Terezi reassuringly on the arm. “You know what I mean,” he said soothingly. “I’d say the same thing if he was a human. You can’t just throw your life away for one person, especially not that one.”

“And why the hell not,” John retorted, suddenly upset. “What makes him any different than anyone else?! I love him!” And there it was, he said it out loud to someone other than Karkat.

“You don’t love him!” Dave snapped back at him. “Oh my god do you even hear yourself? You met him a week ago John, and don’t give me any bullshit about how you remember him from before because I know you don’t. Why are you even doing this? Is it because you think you owe him? Two days ago he was going to leave you here! Was fucking him _really_ that great?”

“It’s not about the sex!” John exclaimed, blushing furiously.

“Really John,” Dave got out of the bed then, and John noticed and didn’t even care that Dave was in his underwear. Especially not with that expression on his face as he advanced on John. He had honestly never seen Dave this worked up, and it was kind of scary. “He’s been mentally and physically abused for three fucking years and told the only way he can be worth anything is to have sex with humans,” Dave continued and he looked livid. “Why can’t you see this? He’s FUCKED UP. This isn’t love, it isn’t pity, and if it is, it’s some twisted version of it. It’s not going to be roses and sunshine, you probably won’t even stay together once he realizes he’s fucking free again,” his voice rose. “You’re throwing your life away _for nothing_.”

John had gone white as a sheet as Dave spoke, his heart had sped up, adrenaline pumping through his system and something, at that particular moment, decided to make it even worse.

“I don’t mean to intrude,” Mr. Egbert said from behind John. “But what is this about my son throwing his life away?”

It was Dave’s turn to look stricken. It only lasted a half a second before smooth nonchalance reappeared on his face. “It’s nothing, Mr. Egbert.”

“I don’t think that this is nothing,” Mr. Egbert replied. There was silence between the two boys, and John’s dad heaved a sigh. “I will be downstairs. Perhaps if you’d like to join me we can talk about this in more detail,” his voice did not leave any room for argument.

As soon as he was out of range Dave let out a breath and slouched where he stood. He stared at John wordlessly, and John stared back. Time seemed to stand still, that is until John felt a hand touch his arm. Dave raised an eyebrow as Karkat slid his arm around John’s and took his hand. The troll gave Dave a defiant look. “I’m coming along to explain things,” he said. “If we’re going to go down for your frankly utter ineptitude for discussing this shit while John’s guardian is still IN THE HIVE, we’re going to do it together,” he said. He looked from John to Dave and back again. The expression on his face softened and he reached up and placed a kiss on John’s cheek, to John’s surprise and Dave’s bemusement. “Oh, and since I’m probably about to die, I don’t regret one single thing about last night and I really do pity John, _thank you oh so very much for asking,_ ” that last bit was delivered with particular venom and at a particular boy.

Dave let out a weary sigh. “Karkat, I didn’t – “

“Fuck you, Dave,” Karkat cut him off, sounding suddenly rather cheerful. “Fuck you very much a thousand times over,” it was only John who caught the way that Karkat’s fingers flexed on his arm, and the tremble in the hand he held. His troll was damaged, as Dave said, but he was trying very hard to put up a front. That just made his heart do funny things in his chest. He turned and gathered Karkat up in his arms, something that Karkat allowed.

“I’m sorry,” John said.

“No John,” Karkat replied, and there was a deep sadness in his yellowed eyes. “I am infinitively more sorry than you.”

“Shhh,” John ruffled the hair at the back of his head and rested his cheek against one of the horns. Dave looked embarrassed. He let them cuddle for all of five seconds before clearing his throat and folding his arms across his chest.

“Right then,” Dave said. He looked a bit sad for a moment but tightened his jaw. “I’m not letting your dad ruin this for me, John,” he added. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “If he gives me any indication he plans to turn me in I’m running,” he reached out and took Terezi’s hand. “We’re running,” the young female troll gave him a small reassuring smile and squeezed his hand in response.

John stared at him for a moment, then sighed. “Dude,” he whispered back. “I’m coming too.”

“No, you’re not,” Dave replied.

“Dave,” John began, but Dave stopped him by making a cutting motion with his hand in the air.

“You have no idea how much shit we’re in,” he hissed. “If your dad decides to make a fuss I’ll have a hard enough time getting out of this state by myself let alone with a couple trolls.”

“But...” John began.

“Shut up,” Dave snapped. “Just shut up and let me handle this,” with that he walked by both Karkat and John, with Terezi in tow.

.

Dave didn’t end up handling it at all. The moment they walked into the kitchen Karkat spoke up before either boy had a chance to say anything.

“It’s my fault,” Karkat said, loudly. He pushed past John, Dave and Terezi in order to stand in front of the kitchen table where John’s dad sat, looking appropriately confused and with an unread newspaper still folded under his hands. “I’ve dragged both Dave and John into this and it has nothing to do with them.” Dave was about to speak up, probably to contradict Karkat, but the troll pressed on, speaking fervently now. “I’m planning to escape. I can’t stand being a slave any longer, so I was planning to get out of here. That’s what they were talking about up in that room.”

“Karkat, what?” Dave began at the same time that John managed to stutter out a “huh?”

Mr. Egbert cleared his throat. “Perhaps you’d better elaborate,” he said, looking from the human boys to Karkat and back again.

Karkat threw his hands in the air. “What is there to elaborate?” he exclaimed. “I planned to escape! Cut the tracker out of my ear, get away from everyone, live in, I don’t know, the woods or something. Get the fuck away from here forever. And then YOUR HUMAN CHILD,” he pointed an accusing finger at John. “Decided he wanted to come with me. That’s what John and Dave were talking about. Your son is about to throw his life away for ME.”

“Karkat, that’s not –“ John began.

“SHUT UP,” Karkat rounded on him, face twisted up with fury. “Don’t LIE, John, you know you’ve fallen in love with me, or whatever it is that humans do. Why else would you be talking to Dave about leaving forever? I’m trained to FUCK you, which is exactly what I did.”

Dave could see Karkat’s words hit John like a slap to the face. “It’s not... I don’t,” the dark haired boy began, and he sounded both desperate and miserable. “You don’t mean that.”

“Of course I do!” Karkat let out a ragged little laugh. “Did you really think I’d want you? I’m not even the same species as you. I told you I thought humans were disgusting, why would you be any different?”

“Karkat –“ John began, and his voice broke. “You said...”

“I WAS LYING. I’M PAID TO LIE TO YOU, YOU PATHETIC SNIVELLING WASTE OF A HUMAN...”

Mr. Egbert got to his feet and the scrape of his chair was enough to cut off Karkat’s rant. “That’s enough,” he said, his voice was very soft and quiet.

Karkat turned to him, his eyes very wide. It took him a moment to recover, something he did with a slight shake of his head. “I violated my contract,” he said in a low voice. “I intend to escape, you must turn me in immediately.”

You could hear a pin drop in the room.

John’s dad cleared his throat, then glanced at Dave, who looked somewhere between stunned and furious. He turned back to Karkat. “Why did Dave buy your contract?” he said finally. “Is he planning this with you?”

“Dave? Haha yeah right,” Karkat let out a snort of disgust. “He took over my contract because he’s been trying to control me, and save John from making the worst mistake of his life. Which is fine and fucking dandy for me, why do I care if Dave gets in shit if I disappear?”

Mr. Egbert looked like he was considering, studying the troll with narrowed eyes. “What you’re suggesting is criminal, and I should have you turned in, as you say,” he said matter-of-factly.

Karkat looked grave. “Yes, you should, sir,” he replied. “Immediately.”

“Karkat for GOD’S SAKE,” Dave hissed.

“I’M NOTHING BUT A LIABLITY,” Karkat over rode him, yelling again. “A COMPLETE AND UTTER DISASTER AND DISGRACE TO ALL TROLLKIND AND I DON’T DESERVE TO _LIVE_ ,” he was coming close hyperventilating now. “JUST FUCKING _CULL ME ALREADY_.”

Mr. Egbert held up his hands. “Now, my boy, if you’d just stop shouting,” he began. “I’m sure we can discuss this in a calm, rational...”

Karkat rounded on the kitchen counter, sending plates and cutlery smashing to the floor with one swipe of his hand. He came back up with a knife in his hand from the now over turned knife rack. In one quick motion he had his arm around John and that knife to his throat before John could even let out a squeak of protest.

“Don’t you see,” Karkat snapped, his eyes wild as he looked from Mr. Egbert to Dave and back again. “WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO CONVINCE YOU THAT I’M FUCKING DANGEROUS?”

There was silence in the room, save for the ragged breathing coming from both Karkat and John.

“Karkat...” John said in a very quiet voice. He could see what Karkat was doing despite the haze of pain at his words, he was sacrificing himself that Dave at very least could continue on as he planned, but he didn’t want this, he never wanted anything like this to happen. He also knew that Karkat was practically sentencing himself to death, something he couldn’t hope to prevent if Karkat actually injured him. “Let me go,” he said. “Please, Karkat.”

If anything, that just made Karkat tighten his grip on him. “I can’t, John,” he said. His voice broke. “I can’t –“

Dave had stepped forwards, his mouth open to say something but he had paused when John had begun to speak. He exchanged worried looks with Mr. Egbert.

“I know you’re scared,” John continued. “But I meant what I said. I love you, and I don’t want you to be hurt.”

“You can’t love me,” Karkat hissed. “I’m a fucking troll.”

There was a note of amusement in John’s voice. “I think I’m allowed to love whoever I want to,” he said.

That at very least made Karkat relax enough that the knife slipped away a couple inches. “You’re stupid,” he sounded like he was in pain. “Why are you so fucking stupid?”

“Drop the knife, son,” Mr. Egbert said in his slow deliberate voice, and both John and Karkat looked up at that. Karkat’s hand shook but he dropped the knife and stumbled away from John. He instantly wrapped his arms around himself and hunched in, backing up against the counter.

John went to him. He wrapped his arms around Karkat and after a moment Karkat unwound enough to cling. They both slid down the front of the counter to the floor, Karkat held in a protective ball in John’s lap, head in his hands. After a moment Dave realized with acute embarrassment that Karkat was crying, soft sobs welling up from his chest. He was also muttering “I’msorry, I’msorry, I’msorry,” over and over again.

The sigh Mr. Egbert let out was extremely weary. He ran a hand over his face and looked at Dave. “It wasn’t a lie, was it?” he asked.

Dave figured out what he meant. “I’ve been trying to tell John that it is, but,” he sighed as well as he watched the two. “Probably not,” he looked back up at Mr. Egbert. “What do you intend to do?”

Mr. Egbert frowned. “I could rebuy the contract from you,” he said. “If John is this attached perhaps it would be best to keep them together for now. He’s obviously a very troubled young boy and John has always been very patient. I think they could help each other out.”

Dave shook his head slowly. “I mean, I get that, sure, but what happens when his contract runs out?”

“It can be renewed, can it not?” Mr. Egbert replied.

“But for how long?” Dave said. “It’s not a permanent thing. It never will be,” he turned to Terezi, who looked rather pale herself. “We have the same problem.”

“Oh,” Mr. Egbert said. “I see,” he frowned as he watched his son. Karkat had calmed down, but he still clung to John with his eyes closed. “And thus your plans to escape,” he said. “It wasn’t just Karkat’s idea, was it?”

Dave shook his head slowly. “No, sir,” he replied.

“And my son wished to escape with you to... where ever it is you would end up.”

“Yes,” Dave said.

Mr. Egbert tapped his chin and seemed to consider for a long time. “It wouldn’t work,” he said finally.

“I know, but I’m still going to try,” there was a challenge in Dave’s voice, something that made Mr. Egbert look up and study him intently.

“Tell me,” he said after a long moment. “What is the purpose of the road trip?”

Dave hesitated a moment. “To find other trolls Karkat once knew,” he said. “See if they wanted to come along. Also to see Rose. Legit, I haven’t seen her in years.”

That got a surprised look from Mr. Egbert. “You must care deeply for Karkat if you intend to try to rescue other trolls for him.”

Dave  shrugged. “Karkat is a friend,” he said.

“There are further details you are not telling me,” Mr. Egbert said.

Dave nodded once curtly. “Yes. Which is why I ask,” he looked at John’s dad again. “What is it that you intend to do? He’s thrown a fit and threatened a family member with a knife, you should probably turn him in or something.”

Mr. Egbert frowned pensively and moved away from Dave and towards the two boys. The moment the troll saw John’s dad move he went completely limp in John’s arms, except for his rapid breathing and wild eyes. “I’m sorry,” he choked out and now it looked like he was trying to melt into John. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he began to sob, completely breaking down, his voice strained. “I don’twanttodie,” he said rapidly, words uttered so fast they blurred together. He didn’t even notice how John was petting his hair and trying to sooth him. “I don’t, I don’t, I – please – it was a mistake...”

The frown on Mr. Egbert’s face was more puzzled then anything. John didn’t let go, but it didn’t stop Karkat from recoiling in his arms as Mr. Egbert reached out to touch his face. “Please,” the troll muttered, eyes shut as he instinctively shied away. “Please don’t –“ he let out a ragged gasp as John’s dad touched his cheek gently.

“My dear, dear, boy,” Mr. Egbert said softly. “What on earth has made you this way?”

“You _need_ to kill him.”  

The words came from Terezi and succeeded in shocking everyone in the room, including Dave, who turned to his troll girlfriend and gave her an incredibly confused look. “What,” he said.

Terezi looked back like they were all the nutty ones. “It’s obvious,” she said. She sounded almost disappointed. “He’s damaged. They put down trolls like him at the school. They just endanger everyone, they flip out and before you know it five of your closest friends are DEAD...”

“Tez,” Dave began.

Terezi let out a little snarl. “If none of you are going to turn him in, I will,” she said. She turned heel and for a heart-stopping moment John thought she was going for a knife off of the kitchen counter, only to see she was going for the phone instead. She had picked it up before John’s dad stood up straight.

“Young lady, I must insist you put that down immediately.”

Terezi hesitated for a moment, looking from Dave to Mr. Egbert and back again. Dave finally got over his shock enough to speak up. “Put it down, Terezi,” he said, and to John that definitely sounded like an order. Karkat shuddered in his arms.

She did so, but only after another moment of hesitation. “You’re not safe,” she said finally, and there was a pleading note to her voice.

“I assure you, we are all perfectly safe,” Mr. Egbert’s voice left no room for argument. He turned his attention back to the cowering troll but only after he watched as Terezi retreated back to stand by Dave’s side.

He then frowned, deeply, before standing again to consider the entire lot of them. Dave stood with his troll - his girlfriend rather - which had been fairly obvious since he had arrived, and his own son who held the troll with a world of love and care on his face. The children were up to something, but that something obviously had to do with how they were all acting - desperate, pleading and clinging - like they could be separated at any moment.

“I think,” Mr. Egbert said slowly. “That I should join you on this road trip,” he watched as John gave Dave a stricken look and Karkat looked even more miserable. He needed to put an immediate stop to all this nonsense. He gave John a stern look and crouched down again, laying his hand on Karkat’s exposed shoulder. “No matter your plans, I want you to promise me, Karkat, that no harm will befall anyone in this room by your hand during the duration of this trip. No more knives and no more threats. Can you promise me that?”

Karkat nodded, his eyes wary.

“In return I will promise not to report your plans to escape. The crime you suggest is not one you have committed yet, and as long as you are under my roof, and thus my care, you are safe,” he shot a look at Dave. “Can we agree to that at least?”

Dave nodded. “I don’t want him hurt either, I wouldn’t be going through this shit if I didn’t want the asshole to see another day,” he snorted.

“I don’t need any fucking favors from you, Dave,” Karkat snarled.

“Also you must promise me to curb your language,” Mr. Egbert said, and looked around the room. “All of you.”

Karkat stared at the floor and looked dutifully reprimanded.

“Good then,” John’s dad said, stepping back again. “It’s settled. I will pack my bags tonight and accompany you on your trip to see Karkat’s friends. I trust this will not be a problem?” he said that to Dave.

Dave shrugged. “No problem here, Mr. Egbert,” he said. He made a hand motion at Terezi to follow him and left the room. Terezi shot Karkat a glare before following Dave out.

.


	14. Chapter 14

.

It was a half an hour before John got Karkat to calm down enough that the troll had slipped into a semi-catatonic doze. They had moved to a kitchen chair, Karkat sitting in John’s lap, head against his shoulder. John just kept petting the troll on the head gently, which seemed to do wonders.

Dave and Terezi had left the room to go upstairs, and John’s dad had set about cleaning the fallen utensils off of the floor as his son sat with the troll.

“Not sharp enough to do much damage to a moving target, unless a lot of luck and strength were involved,” Mr. Egbert commented as he picked up the steak knife Karkat had threatened John with. “Even so...” as they both watched he put all the knives on a top shelf that John would have trouble reaching, let alone Karkat.

Karkat let out a little shudder from where he was pressed against John and revived a bit, lifting his head enough to watch Mr. Egbert. “... Why?” he asked finally, sounding incredibly weary.

“Karkat...” John began.

“I want to know why,” the troll grumbled. “Why am I even still alive?” he looked up at John, then seemed to realize something and set about squirming to get away. John just held him tighter and after a moment Karkat just seemed to give up and went limp in his arms. “And why are you even holding me after all the terrible things I said,” he sounded genuinely confused.

John shrugged. “Did you mean them?” he asked, feigning nonchalance.

Karkat was silent for a very long moment, before slowly shaking his head.

“Well then,” John said, and left it at that. He was still hurt of course, especially after all they shared the night before, but he also knew why Karkat had done it, it had been a very stupid attempt to stop both John and Dave from getting into any trouble. He also felt like that if he let Karkat go he’d lose him, which in his mind was a perfectly good excuse to keep holding onto him as long as possible.  

Mr. Egbert cleared his throat and turned to look at them both. “To answer your previous why, I think John would agree that we both would prefer if you continued to remain alive,” he said gently. “And you care deeply enough for your friends that you are willing to throw your life away to protect them.”

Karkat looked up at Mr. Egbert and the man gave him a kindly, if tired, smile before continuing. “What Dave is planning is dangerous at best and can lead to his arrest. If you had succeeded in convincing me that this was indeed your idea, you would be gone right now and all suspicion would be off of him and his lady friend. It was admittedly a very good plan, Karkat.”

Karkat flinched, shut his eyes and slouched back down against John. “Fuck,” he muttered.

“Though I do question your methods, I understand why you behaved the way you did. Perhaps you could express your thoughts a bit more calmly next time. Violence is really quite unnecessary.” Mr. Egbert returned to cleaning up and set about preparing something to eat.

“How do you know Dave is planning anything?” Karkat asked, sounding tired himself.

“Besides the fact that he told me as much while you were otherwise... occupied, I had guessed Dave was planning something from the start that very much involved you, Karkat,” Mr. Egbert said as he set a pan on the counter. “One does not travel across the country to take out a contract on a troll without motivation of some sort. And people also do not usually get very upset when their friends become a little bit too attached to their trolls,” he paused and turned to give John a look. “Though I do wish you had informed me of your plans from the start.”

John spoke up at that. “I didn’t even know the plan until two days ago, and I wasn’t even going to go until this morning. And Dave didn’t know if you were going to turn him in or not,” he said.

“Well, there is that,” Mr. Egbert busied himself around the stove.

“You’re not... going to, are you?” Karkat asked nervously.

Mr. Egbert shook his head. “No,” he said. “I have no interest in ruining not just one life but three, two of which happen to be people that are very important to my son.”

“Aw, dad,” John said, touched. He got an endearing, slightly weary smile in response.

There was silence in the kitchen and Karkat nuzzled John’s jaw apologetically while Mr. Egbert’s back was turned. It was in the silence that they could hear slightly raised voices coming from upstairs.

It was the first time he had really heard Dave raise his voice. Terezi was replying, and she sounded horribly upset. Karkat’s fingers flexed on John’s arm.

“She was just trying to protect...” he muttered, low enough that if he hadn’t been sitting on his lap John would have thought he was talking to himself. Karkat trailed off.

Mr. Egbert had paused in his preparations and put down what he was doing with a sigh. “Perhaps I should go speak to them,” he said. “Excuse me,” he left the room with a little nod to them both.

As soon as he was gone John let out a little sigh of his own and slumped in the chair a bit, shifting so Karkat sat more comfortably on his lap. “What a morning,” he groaned.

Karkat didn’t reply. Instead he set about nosing at his jaw, something John allowed by rolling his head to the side and allowing him more access. “That really hurt,” he said finally as Karkat continued. “I mean besides the entire putting a knife to my throat thing... by the way don’t EVER do that again...” Karkat cringed and John softened his voice. “I just... it hurt. What you said.”

Karkat let out a soft whimper. “I didn’t mean it,” he said. “I was trying to make it hurt less... if you thought I was lying and I died...”

John reached up and caught the sides of his face, holding him still as he studied him.

“Yeah,” he said finally. “I believe you,” he leaned forwards and dared to press a very soft kiss against Karkat’s lips. “Just don’t try to get yourself killed again, okay?” he blinked and was surprised to find he was tearing up again. “I’d much rather you be alive somewhere... _anywhere_ , then be dead...”

He was surprised when Karkat grabbed him by the face and kissed him, long and hard. “Stop pitying me so much, I can’t even fucking stand it,” he hissed when he pulled away. He kissed him harder and bit his lip in the process, something John tried his best to return. It was a little bit difficult, Karkat was being very vigorous.

“Okay, okay, wow, uh... mmmph,” Karkat cut him off with his tongue.

They lost track of time, slid off of the kitchen chair and onto the floor, and John didn’t even care that his back was pressed against the hard floor as Karkat preceded to do all he could to lick, kiss and bite at his face. His brain protested for a moment or two... Karkat was acting manic, but then hadn’t he always..? And he _did_ just threaten to kill him and...

His brain trailed off as Karkat nipped and sucked at the base of his throat. The troll raised his head once more to kiss him on the lips and John gave up trying to reason with himself. For all he knew, rejecting Karkat in any way right now would lead to even more misunderstandings and hurt. He was in the middle of sliding his hands up Karkat’s shirt, enjoying the feel of the extra warm leathery skin underneath when he heard his dad clear his throat.

He let out an embarrassed exclamation of surprise and sat up, dumping Karkat right off of his lap. The troll got behind him quickly, still breathing heavily and with his eyes wide. Momentary panic crossed his face as he glanced at Dave, but Dave cocked his head to the side and rolled his eyes.

Mr. Egbert spoke up first. “I see all earlier statements are apparently forgiven, but if you would kindly keep your activities to your room...”

“Got it, dad,” John said, scrambling to his feet. He could barely look at his father, or Dave or Terezi for that matter, and instead grabbed Karkat’s arm, hauling him from the room. He was halfway up the stairs when his dad called after him that lunch would be in twenty minutes.

“Are you okay?” he asked Karkat as soon as he got the troll to his room and led him far enough in that he could close the door.

Karkat gave him a surprised look. After a moment that gave way to a sardonic smile. “I think I proved today how very much not okay I am.”

John sighed. “True...” he was cut off as Karkat grasped a handful of his shirt and tugged him down for a hard quick kiss.

“Thanks,” the troll said when he pulled away. His face grew somber and he let go of John’s shirt, blunt fingers smoothing down the fabric. “The only reason why I’m still alive is because of you,” he paused. “Again.”

“Then let’s keep it that way,” Jon replied, and he meant it completely.

Karkat managed a small smile and looked away, his eyes going to the window. He pulled away from John, trekking across the room and climbing on the bed in order to gaze out of it.

“What is it?” John asked as he followed the troll.

Karkat gave a half shrug. “Nothing,” he said. “Everything,” he looked back at John. “Anything can go wrong with this, you know that John. What if your father decides to turn us in after all? What if Dave runs?”

John sighed. “Well, I suppose we’re just going to have to trust things will go smoothly,” he said. “I don’t know about Dave, but if you’re worried about my dad, don’t be. He usually says exactly what he means. He’s a no bullshit kind of person, you know that,” he climbed up on the bed to settle next to Karkat and put a supportive hand on his back. “In that way, you’re safe, I promise. You have nothing to fear from my dad.”

Karkat gave him a sidelong glance. “Okay,” he said after a pause. He returned to gazing out the window. John was about to turn away and slide back off the bed when Karkat leaned towards him and, with a bit of manoeuvring, placed his head against John’s shoulder. John smiled and stayed exactly where he was.

.

Dinner was more than a little tense, with both Terezi and Karkat about a silent as could be, both hunched over their food and eating with a wariness that made it seem like they were afraid the food would be taken from them. It worried John, and would have worried him more if the entire incident that morning hadn’t happened. He knew, logically, that they were both just scared, at any given moment their plans could fall through... they could be turned in or killed and were at the mercy of the humans that owned them, and that would continue, no matter how many reassurances he gave Karkat. He felt an awful lot of sympathy for both of them. His attempts at reassuring smiles were met with sober looks (Terezi) or moody glares (from Karkat.)

 Even Dave was speaking in monosyllables. Mr. Egbert told them that he would take the time off of work as ‘emergency family leave’ and that he would also rent a van that afternoon, to be picked up in the morning. All that got out of Dave was a nod. “We’ll be packed and ready to go by then, Mr. Egbert,” he said.

“I told you, you can call me Paul,” was the mild reply.

Dave managed a half smile. “Sure thing,” he said, and John was fairly certain Dave wasn’t going to call his dad by anything but mister or sir.

.

They had another conference that night, this time in the living room and with Mr. Egbert there as well. John was anxious enough, he could practically feel Dave vibrating with nerves, and that was weird, coming from Dave. Dave, who never got anxious about ANYTHING, who was perfectly calm and collected, was having trouble holding it together.

It was going to be a long road trip, that was for sure. Maybe if he was really lucky, everyone would calm down and learn to trust each other. As he told Karkat, he did trust his dad, his dad never told him a lie directly, and if he said he wouldn’t turn them in, John believed him. He’d have to tell Dave that later or something, see if it helped any.

He didn’t think it would help the trolls though, they both still looked like they were about to be led to the guillotine. It just made him feel angry, not at them of course, but at their stupid training.

To Dave’s credit he spoke like everything was perfectly normal and planned, calling up the profiles of the two trolls. “So yeah,” he said. “They’re in some sort of zoo.”

“... why?” Karkat asked. He pressed a hand to his forehead. “Or do I even want to know?”

Dave shrugged. “It says it’s for ‘research and observation’ purposes,” he turned the laptop towards the couch so that John and Karkat could see. Even John’s father leaned forwards and looked interested. John was confused. It didn’t look out of the ordinary, just a regular website with a pair of beaming trolls waving at the camera from the corner of the screen.

Karkat managed to force himself to look at it. That lasted a whole two seconds, and then he got up and jerked the computer out of Dave’s hands. “’Saunders’ troll sanctuary and nature reserve’,” he read. His face paled as he continued. “’Come see our happy trolls in the environments they came from. Commune with nature and visit with our lovely gray hosts’… the FUCK,” he shoved the computer back to Dave, then seemed to remember himself and glanced at John’s dad. “Sorry,” he muttered.

At least Mr. Egbert didn’t look terribly concerned. He waved Karkat’s apology away and gave Dave a pensive look. “I know this has probably occurred to you,” he said. “But the chances that you’ll be able to break two trolls out of a facility such as that are very slim.”

“I’m not breaking anyone out of anywhere,” Dave replied with a slight frown. “Karkat is going to see his friends and then we’re going to leave,” he shot Karkat a look that said he’d better agree or else.

Karkat gave a tight lipped nod of agreement.

Mr. Egbert nodded himself and changed the subject. “It will take us two days to drive down there, unless we intend to leave very early. Do we want to stop for the night in San Francisco?”

Dave shrugged, but John could see the nervousness was back. “Whatever you and Dave want, Dad,” John said. He gave Karkat a look and made a small head movement towards himself. Karkat hesitated only a moment before coming over to him and settling down next to him.

“It doesn’t matter,” Dave said finally after some consideration. “We’ll have to stay the night somewhere anyway. San Francisco sounds fine.”

Mr. Egbert made a ‘hmm’ sound. “Would you like me to make the reservation, or should I?” he asked.

Dave’s mouth thinned ever so slightly. “I’ve got it,” he said.

“Ah, perhaps you should book two rooms while you’re at it,” Mr. Egbert continued. “One for you and John and your guests of course,” he nodded at the two trolls. “And one for myself. I can pay for the extra room, of course.”

John could see a ghost of a smile on Dave’s face for the first time that day. “Don’t worry, I got you covered Mr. Egbert,” Dave replied and he flashed a cocky grin before getting to his feet. “We should go pack, though,” he added.

“Sounds good,” John’s dad got up as well. “Let’s try to leave by 9 a.m., we have a considerable distance to travel tomorrow.”

.

John spent the rest of the evening packing. He honestly didn’t know what he wanted to bring... all the things he owned seemed so pointless and meaningless now, and yet all the more important because of it. He dug right to the bottom of his closet as Karkat watched silently from where he sat on the bed. It was only when John tossed a battered stuffed rabbit on the “reject” pile that Karkat reacted. The troll let out a strangled sound and John looked up at him.

“What is it?” John asked.

“Did you... did you get that from Dave?” Karkat asked, pointing at the stuffed rabbit as if it were poisonous. There was a very particular look on his face.

“This?” John reached over and picked up the rabbit again. “Yeah, he got it for me for my fourteenth birthday,” he tugged on one of the bunny’s ears sheepishly. “I didn’t tell him at the time, but I kinda grew out of Con Air by then...” he paused as Karkat started to make an unearthly noise. “What?” he asked. “What is it?”

Karkat covered his ears with his hands. “Stop talking,” he said. “Just stop. And if you even THINK of throwing that stupid fucking bunny away...” he trailed off on his threat.

John was deeply confused, but put the bunny on the “to take” pile anyway. “Sure, fine,” he said. “Let me guess, the bunny is from the game or something like that?”

Karkat nodded slowly. “You have no idea how _attached_ you were to that _thing_ ,” he gestured wildly. “I had to endure watching you re-enact that entire scene from that movie and I never EVER want to see that again.”

John smiled at that, at the memory he definitely did not have. “Well,” he said. “If I had this when I was thirteen... I was probably a very happy boy.”

“Very happy,” Karkat agreed gloomily.

John considered for a moment, then held it up towards Karkat. “Do you want it?” he asked.

“ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT,” Karkat exclaimed, then actually hissed at him as if that would ward off the bunny.

John chuckled at that. He put the bunny back on the ‘to take’ pile. If it was an artifact from Dave’s memories it might prove useful in the future.

.

They didn’t have sex again that night, John was too nervous to sleep and Karkat seemed about the same. The troll did seem to want to cuddle, and he laid there for what seemed like hours, listening to the faint sound of drizzling rain and the much closer sound of Karkat’s breathing.

“Do you think your friends will remember you?” he asked Karkat in the darkness.

Karkat shifted against him in what John could only guess was a shrug. “Probably not,” he said after a moment, his voice a soft rasp.

“Why?” John asked.

Karkat shifted against him and pressed his nose against his nightshirt before responding. “Because one of them is Eridan. He was this gigantic douche, you really have no idea. He liked to do things like plot the entire extermination of our species. I know it’s the regular high blooded idiocy, most of us were like haha it’s just Eridan, he’ll never do it for real... but then he attacked my friend and put a hole in the middle of another...” he shook his head quickly to clear it. “Anyway, if he remembered he would have gotten himself killed in very short order, that’s all I’m saying.”

“You never know,” John said. “You made it.”

Karkat let out a little snort. “Barely. And I’m brighter than Eridan ever was.”

“Ah,” John replied. He considered for a moment. “If he was that terrible, is he really worth the trip?” He asked. He flinched when Karkat stiffened against him. “I’m just asking… he attacked your friends.”

Karkat relaxed nearly instantly. “Yeah, well. If he does remember he’d probably like to be rescued. He wasn’t really all that terrible. I was probably one of his only friends,” he paused. “Maybe the experience even changed him for the better, how the fuck should I know. Anyway… I’m doing it for Feferi more than him.”

“The girl troll? She didn’t have… issues like the Eridan one?”

Karkat shifted again. “Naw, not her,” his voice had softened considerably. “She would get angry when she had to, but most of the time she loved everyone.”

John wrapped his arms around Karkat and gave him a small squeeze. “Maybe she remembers,” he said kindly.

Karkat let out a small huff. “Maybe,” he replied, and said no more.

.

The next morning, they all gathered outside, the trolls with their small packs and the humans with their considerable more. John’s father was wearing one of his favorite hats, pipe all neatly tucked away in his suitcase and a duffle over his shoulder. John had unpacked his chest the night before, after he had finished with the closet, and managed to cram everything he wanted into a pair of suitcases. Dave was the last to leave the house, sunglasses in place and hair meticulously slicked back. “Let’s get this show on the road,” he announced, looking every inch a movie star.

“Indeed,” Mr. Egbert agreed, and locked the door behind Dave.

John said a silent good-bye to the house and realized with a small pang that he might never see it again. His dad clapped him on the shoulder as he walked by, then paused to look back himself for a moment. “Come on, son,” he said kindly. “Let’s get your friends to where they need to go.”

John swallowed, nodded, and turned away.

.


	15. Chapter 15

.

The first day of driving was quiet. Karkat seemed content to stare out of the window the entire time, like he had never seen trees before (come to think of it, there was a chance he hadn’t, so John gave him a pass on that.) Terezi and Dave plugged into their handheld games and spent the entire morning in the middle of a complicated tournament that included even more complicated fist bumps and hand signals.

Mr. Egbert seemed cheerful enough, even though he was driving up at the front all alone with some luggage on the passenger side seat to keep him company, which John admitted wasn’t very good company at all. He also seemed happy enough at rest stops, leaning back against the van looking very relaxed in a buttoned down shirt and the casual trousers he often wore around the house on the weekends (but never to work.)

John ended up just plugging into his headphones and dozing while listening to music. Cars made him sleepy. Car trips even more so. Not only that, Karkat seemed to be ignoring him... he had no idea why but he wasn’t about to try to push the troll into a conversation he didn’t want to have. He was probably just nervous about meeting his friends again.

They were all ache-y and numb from sitting in the car for over 10 hours when they pulled up to their hotel in San Francisco. There was some minor trouble with Dave being under the age of 18 and paying with credit, but John’s dad smoothed things over just by being there. Dave had booked three rooms, from the looks of it, and John and Karkat ended up in a room all to themselves. It had two queen beds and barely any space whatsoever.

“I claim the window,” John announced, tossing his bags on top of it before tossing himself on top as well, weaving his fingers behind his head and smiling up at the ceiling in complete contentment. It wasn’t very often he had a chance to travel, seeing as it was just him and his dad and his dad had to work hard to take care of him. Being in a hotel room was exciting.

Karkat stared at him for a long moment and John completely missed the uncertain look that crossed his face. Instead of saying anything the troll set about cleaning himself up in the washroom, before coming back into the main room dressed in only a pair of grey shorts. He crawled into the unclaimed bed and turned his back to John. “Good night, John,” he said.

That… was disappointing. “Aw, you’re going to bed already?” John teased as he leapt back down off of the bed and picked out his own toiletries and a change of clothes.

“I’m tired,” was the grumbled reply from the troll.

“Staring at trees all day must have been really hard on you,” John bit his lip the moment he said it. He sounded stupid and petty. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “Just ignore me. Get some rest,” he added.

Karkat sat up to stare at him with a confused look on his face. John gave him his best reassuring smile and retreated to the washroom.

Stupid, John, stupid, stupid, he thought to himself as he scrubbed his face and brushed his teeth. He wasn’t doing himself any favours by driving Karkat away. If Karkat was tired, he was tired. If he wanted a bed to himself for once, now that they actually HAD two beds, it would be stupid of him to make him share one, wouldn’t it? People needed space, trolls probably did as well.

When he got back to the room he found Karkat had turned the lights off, his back still turned. John took the hint and quietly walked back over to his own bed, crawling into it while making the least amount of noise that he could.

He didn’t fall asleep for what felt like hours and was probably only minutes. He spent nearly the entire time wishing Karkat was in the bed with him... he made a face as he wondered how horrible he would be if he asked Dave to book a king sized bed next time, instead of two queens. Ugh. He rolled over and stared at the window until he finally managed to dose off.

.

 Everyone seemed a bit grouchy at breakfast, except for Mr. Egbert, but John wasn’t fooled, his father was sitting with an extra large cup of coffee. It made for a quiet morning as they all piled into the van and started out again, everyone was too tired to talk to each other.

John settled in the back with Karkat, who resumed his habit from the day before of staring out the window. Terezi and Dave took up the center seats, Dave with his head in his massive earphones tapping his leg in time to whatever music he was listening to and watching over Tezeri’s shoulder as she played on Dave’s DS.

John couldn’t help but send occasional worried glances over at Karkat. “Are you okay?” he asked finally, in a voice that was quiet enough he was pretty sure no one else could hear.

Karkat glanced at him and looked away right away. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “I’m perfect and amazing in every way.”

John let out a little snort at that. “You don’t have to lie to me,” he said.

“It was sarcasm, John,” was the reply from the troll.

“I know,” John said.

Karkat was still for a moment, then heaved a sigh and looked at him again, this time with a slightly guilty expression on his face. “Look, last time I found a troll from my past I ended up getting my ass handed to me on a silver platter, so pardon me if I’m not exactly brimming with excitement and anticipation at meeting these two,” he said, drawling his words sarcastically.

“I’m sure that’s not going to happen,” John said with a frown. “I won’t let anyone touch you.”

“How sweet. You’re my – what is that human’s say? Oh yes, ‘knight in shining armor.’”

“Hardly,” John returned with a grin.

Karkat managed a small smile before returning to grumpy seriousness. “Either way, if they do recognize me, what then? That could be a disaster, especially if they start talking about *things* in front of your father.”

“I’m sure that won’t happen either,” John reasoned. “If they’ve survived this long I’m sure they’re learnt to keep it down to avoid looking crazy.”

“I suppose,” Karkat returned despondently. He turned so that he could continue to gaze out the window.

John didn’t have to be told twice the conversation was over. He sighed and pulled out his own small handheld gaming system. Maybe he could challenge Terezi or something. Before he could turn it on he bit his lip and hesitated. What he really wanted to ask was if Karkat was angry at him and if they were still a couple, but he didn’t want to open up a can of worms. It was weird, but he felt like there was distance between them now, like the incident the other day had thrown up an invisible wall between them. Had it only been one day ago that Karkat had pretty much molested him on the kitchen floor? The troll hadn’t so much as touched him in a sexual way since then (unless cuddling was sexual). That, combined with the entire not sharing a bed the night before, though that made sense, they had two beds after all, and WHY was he still thinking about this?

John hesitated for another long moment before reaching out and cautiously talking Karkat’s hand in his own. Karkat didn’t react and certainly didn’t look at him. John felt a coldness settle into his gut, something akin to fear. He nearly took his hand back again when Karkat inclined his head, just a bit, and then he felt the troll give his hand a slight squeeze in return.

.

They arrived around 5 p.m. at their destination. For a moment or so John wondered if they had even come to the right place, there were no signs, just a large brown brick building with a non-descript set of double doors.

However, the moment they pulled up and started piling out of the car a man came out of the doors, all smiles as he approached. He was a larger older man, with a pointy white beard and more than a few extra pounds around his midsection.

Mr. Egbert reached him first. “Hello there,” he greeted. “I’m Mr. Egbert. I believe we spoke on the phone.”

“Yes indeed!” the man said cheerfully, shaking his hand vigorously. “I’m Mr. Saunders. Welcome to my Sanctuary, we don’t often get visitors from out of state, this is quite a treat!” he looked over Mr. Egbert at the rest of them with wide eager eyes. “I see you did bring your trolls, how wonderful!” he moved past them to offer his hand to both John and Dave in turn, and finally Karkat and Terezi. Terezi just looked confused but accepted the handshake graciously, Karkat looked like he wanted to flee in terror.

“Nothing to worry about, young man!” Mr. Saunders said with a laugh, giving Karkat a hearty pat on the shoulder before John could warn him not to do that. Karkat cringed, but Mr. Saunders didn’t seem to notice. “You’ll see, my trolls are treated quite well, as are my guests!” he turned back to Mr. Egbert. He gestured to the building. “I have to apologize for the lack of signs,” he added. “We have to keep our operation quiet, some certain groups aren’t happy about trolls being in ‘zoos’,” he said, putting the ‘zoo’ part in finger quotes.

“Really?” that was Dave now, looking more than a little interested.

“They think it’s naughty,” Mr. Saunders laughed. “One man owning quite so many permanent contracts! And, as you will see, what I have here is hardly a zoo! I have a sanctuary, where trolls can be free!” he grinned, gesturing widely to encompass the entire building. “I assure you, my operation is one hundred percent backed by the government. Shall we?” he asked.

.

Mr. Saunders talked a blue streak as they walked through a comfortable reception area. This part of the Sanctuary made up for the drab outside – inside was absolutely covered with photographs of happy smiling trolls of all shapes and sizes. “I spend my time going around to the schools, looking for pairs. It seems terrible that these guys are separated from their loved ones and shipped off to other locations. I give them a second chance. They don’t have to worry about a thing once they’re in my possession. They’ll grow old here. The life expectancy of my land trolls is nearly twice that of the trolls on the outside, and the water trolls... well, I’m pretty sure they can live forever!”

“How do you get the government to let you keep them on permanent contracts?” Dave asked casually.

“I just hand over all my observations and research to them,” Mr. Saunders replied cheerfully. “My work is public knowledge, I only want what is best for these magnificent creatures.”

John heard Karkat mutter something under his breath behind him, while Dave nodded thoughtfully and did his best to appear super interested and like he completely agreed with Mr. Saunders.

The Sanctuary looked far bigger on the inside, John thought as they moved past the reception area and into the rest of the building. The halls wide and lined with glass see-through walls on either side. These showed brightly lit deep enclosures much like ones at a zoo, partly open to the sky, with a covered portion included as well. The covered portions had huts that looked like they were made of mud with tiny slits of windows in them. “Trolls are mostly nocturnal,” Mr. Saunders announced as they neared the first glass wall. “Which is why many of them will remain inside during the day,” he pressed a button beside the enclosure and typed a code into a keypad. “Come out and meet our guests, my dears,” he said cheerfully into the microphone above the keypad.

As they watched the door of the hut opened and a pair of trolls came out, blinking in the light. They were dressed in simple dark colors, with flashes of bright colors here and there on their clothes. One was smaller, female, and she had blue streaks in her clothing. The male had teal. “They like to wear their blood colors,” Mr. Saunders added. “I discovered that during my research and, of course, I want to make my trolls as happy as possible, so I let them chose and make their own clothing.”

Karkat made a face at that. The two trolls waved at the glass happily, and the girl pointed and laughed and said something to the male troll when she saw Karkat and Terezi. John had no idea what she said, but the male troll laughed as well. He glanced at Mr. Saunders, but he didn’t seem to notice, and the trolls sobered up quickly. They continued to smile and wave at the glass, however.

“Let’s move on,” Mr. Saunders said after enough waving had occurred.

The next area was more open, with a couple different huts in the center of the room on the other side of the glass. A few trolls laid about in the enclosure, some of them half dressed and lying back in the sun, others fully dressed. One was napping up in a tree.

“This is my community,” Mr. Saunders said. “All of them have warm colored blood, burgundy and brown and a couple green. Very calm, I rarely have to worry about violence between them, which is why I can keep them together as a group. They’ve formed close emotional bonds with each other. I have a couple Universities that are interested in my research with this group especially... one young man is even writing his master’s thesis about the social structure of troll societies, isn’t that interesting?”

Mr. Egbert did indeed look interested, Karkat just looked slightly sick.

They continued on into a smaller room, this one had a pair of trolls sitting on a hillside that faced the glass. One was holding something in his arms, and it was Terezi that let out a small gasp when she saw what it was. “Is that…?” she began, pressing her hands up to the glass.

“Holy shit,” Karkat swore. The thing the male troll was holding had a bright green body in an oval shape and what looked like six little legs waving about in the air.

“Karkat, is that a baby troll?” John asked eagerly. He remembered their discussion from a couple nights ago about troll babies and why Karkat had patches of darker skin along his sides.

“Yes,” Karkat replied. He turned to Mr. Saunders. “I mean no disrespect, sir,” there was only a slight strain on the word ‘sir’. “But, are you sure that’s such a good idea?”

Mr. Saunders merely laughed. “It’s perfectly safe,” he said. “These two are a long time mated pair. They asked for the baby so they could experience raising one for themselves.”

Karkat looked like he had eaten something sour. Even Terezi looked a bit uncertain.

John had to admit it really did look like the two trolls weren’t going to do anything but hold the baby troll and look happy. He’d have to ask Karkat why it freaked him out so much later.

“Well,” Mr. Saunders said after they had spent a few moments staring at the family of trolls. “Shall we continue to what you’re here for?” he asked and let out a laugh at that.

“Yes, please, if you would,” Mr. Egbert replied.

“Right this way!” Mr. Saunder agreed, and led them from the room and down another corridor. They walked through a double set of doors and came to an enclosure that spanned the length of two walls and looked huge on the other side of the glass. It featured everything from picnic tables to a waterfall and a large pool of water surrounded by lush greenery. “Here we are,” he said. “My newest pair. Aren’t they gorgeous?”

Karkat pressed his hands up against the glass, his mouth slightly open as he stared. Within the exhibit two trolls played in the water, occasionally surfacing to laugh and splash each other before diving into the water again. They appeared to either be playing or chasing each other, possibly both.

“They’re really pretty,” John said once he was done being awestuck, and he meant it. The other trolls they had seen had been cool enough, but he had never seen a sea troll before.  They looked even more streamlined than the trolls in the cages at the market. He could see they both had slits along their ribcages, gills he assumed, and their ears were quite a bit different than Karkat and Terezi’s, curving outwards into three spines instead of one point… or maybe those were fins covering their ears? John couldn’t tell from this distance.

Mr. Saunders smiled and looked incredibly proud.

“Would we be able to meet them,” Dave asked dispassionately. “We’d be willing to pay extra of course.”

Mr. Saunders didn’t seem troubled at all by the fact that Dave was asking this instead of Mr. Egbert. “No need,” he laughed. “It’s included in your entrance fee, if you want to have dinner with them. Most people do, they’re incredibly rare,” he winked at Dave. “And I’m sure they’d love to meet your own trolls. I think socialization is very important for trolls, don’t you?” he gave Karkat and Terezi warm smiles. “Did you bring swimsuits?”

“Swimsuits?” Mr. Egbert sounded mildly surprised.

“Yeah,” Dave replied, like he totally expected that question. “We brought swimsuits.”

.

A half an hour later they had all gone back to the van to get changed, washed up, and had all piled into the enclosure with the two sea trolls. The sea trolls both stopped playing and instead stood by the side of the pool, dripping wet and watching with curiosity as they approached. Karkat looked absolutely miserable every step they took, and John placed a hand on his shoulder briefly to reassure him. That got shrugged off.

“Eridan, Feferi, I’d like you to meet our new guests. You’ll be having dinner with them tonight,” Mr. Saunders said as soon as they neared.

“Hello!” the girl sea troll greeted cheerfully.

“Land trolls, how adorable,” the boy said, his mouth curved up into a semi-smirk as his eyes raked over the entire group. His eyes settled on Karkat briefly, before looking away again and John let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he had been holding. The sea troll didn’t recognize Karkat, at least it didn’t seem like he did. He glanced at Karkat, only to find that he was still staring at the other troll with something that looked like a mix of terror and dread on his face.

The petite female sea troll elbowed her companion. “Dear, be nice,” she said. She put on a winning smile, stepping forwards with her hand outstretched towards Mr. Egbert. “Pleased to meet you,” she said kindly. “I’m Feferi. Mr. Grumpy there is Eridan.”

“Holy shit,” Karkat muttered under his breath.

“Likewise,” John’s dad looked faintly shocked. He recovered quickly. “Paul Egbert,” he added.

Mr. Saunders looked very pleased at this entire exchange.

“I’ve trained them well,” he said to Mr. Egbert as Feferi turned to introduce herself to Dave and Terezi. “But sometimes they take some coaxing. Eridan,” he added sternly.

“Yes, yes,” Eridan let out a small put upon sigh, then smiled himself (he had sharp pointed teeth just like Terezi did) and stepped forwards to introduce himself. “I’m Eridan, it’s a pleasure.”

Did... he actually just speak with a British accent? John wondered at that.

Mr. Egbert didn’t seem to notice and shook the trolls hand warmly. “The pleasure is mine,” he replied amicably. John glanced at Karkat again only to find the troll still looked miserable. The Eridan didn’t shake hands with either troll, but shook hands with Dave and him in turn. The skin on the sea troll’s hand was cool to the touch and smoother than John expected.

“I’m John. Hello,” he managed when Eridan introduced himself.

The sea troll actually paused and gave him a once over, his eyes narrowing slightly. He finally returned his gaze to his face and cocked his head to the side. “You’re young,” he said. “It must be _strange_ for you, to have a troll at your age,” he added.

John shrugged, a bit helplessly. “It’s… uh, it’s okay,” he said. He could feel himself blush and wondered at that. It wasn’t that embarrassing! He could also feel Karkat’s eyes boring into him, even though he didn’t look at him. “I like him a lot,” he added, and wondered why he even volunteered that information the moment it left his mouth.

“Well,” the troll said, John could hear his accent again. “Obviously,” he turned away then, and back to Mr. Saunders.

John did look at Karkat then, giving him a little shrug, like he couldn’t figure out what just happened. (What had just happened?) Karkat didn’t pay him any attention, however, just looked at the sea troll’s backside with slightly narrowed eyes.

.

When introductions were done, they all settled down at the picnic tables, the trolls at one and the humans at the other. Dinner was brought in by a grinning young lady who looked only a few years older than John. She was introduced as the “summer intern,” and dismissed just as quickly.

Dinner was pizza. John was surprised, he thought, wrongly it seemed, that the sea trolls ate fish. But no, they seemed to enjoy the pizza just as much as the rest of them. He kept a watchful eye on the entire table of trolls, but nothing of interest happened. The only trolls that seemed interested in talking were the two females, who spoke a blue streak to each other, and Karkat barely spoke one word to the Eridan troll. Eridan, for his part didn’t seem to mind, though his sharp eyes didn’t miss a thing. He eyed John carefully, and didn’t even look away when John caught him. Instead he grinned widely again. There was something almost sinister about the way he grinned... either that or sea trolls were generally creepy. John suppressed a shudder and looked away quickly.

He missed the way Karkat caught the exchange and frowned, deeply, at Eridan.

.

They went swimming after that, or at least Dave, Terezi, Feferi and John went swimming. Mr. Egbert remained in his slacks, sitting at a picnic bench, sharing stories of working life together with Mr Saunders. Karkat didn’t go in the water either, instead electing to remain at a table a fair distance from John’s dad and Mr. Saunders, talking to the Eridan troll, while the sea troll sipped a drink and looked as distinguished as possible while wearing swim trunks. John gave him a couple worried looks but Karkat didn’t look any more miserable then usual as he spoke to the other troll. He figured he was probably telling the Eridan troll about the game, it was probably best if he left him to it.

A copious amount of water to the side of the face distracted him and left him sputtering. He turned to find Terezi cackling at him, all her teeth showing and Feferi surfaced beside her to laugh as well. It was a little bit disconcerting, all the teeth they had. Even so, he wasn’t about to let them get away with it, it was on! He let out a shout and got right in there, splashing back despite the fact that he was woefully outnumbered.

Within seconds someone was holding his face under water and he was actually starting to question why he decided to get into a water fight with a couple of trolls anyway.

Within seconds after that, but before he could *actually* start to panic, he heard muffled shouting from above the surface and then strong arms were hauling him back up and out of the water. He coughed and sputtered and laughed, before turning to see who had rescued him.

He had expected it to be Dave. Instead he saw it was Karkat, all bunched up angry muscle, his lips turned up in a snarl. His arms were holding John protectively away from the two troll girls, and Dave, who looked just as surprised as he felt.

“Karkat?” he asked, questioningly. He started to laugh, though he didn’t know why, it really wasn’t that funny that he worried the troll so much. “I’m okay, dude, really. They weren’t going to drown me.”

Karkat turned to look at him, a skeptical expression on his face, just as Feferi let out a little laugh and backflipped gracefully into the water. Terezi was still grinning at him, and he wasn’t sure but he thought fleetingly that maybe she really DID want to drown him.

He became aware of another sound and turned to look, only to find that Eridan was still sitting at the table, clapping slowly. As Karkat turned to look at him as well the troll grinned. “That’s more like it,” he said to Karkat.

“Shut up!” Karkat snarled back. He grabbed John’s arm and started to haul him out of the water.

“What is it?” John asked as he followed Karkat out of the pool. He glanced at the Eridan troll once again, only to realize the troll was giving him another one of those long assessing looks.

He looked a little like a shark or an animal looking for some sort of weakness in their prey. He was also beginning to think that all the sea trolls were nuts.

Karkat just shook his head and continued to lead him away. They walked until they were far enough away from the pool to be completely out of earshot. John waited until Eridan apparently got tired of sitting on his chair and watching them and jumped into the water to join Feferi before trying to talk to Karkat again. “Did you find anything out?” he asked.

Karkat shook his head slowly, and then sighed. “They’re not coming,” he said finally. The hostility on his face faded to be replaced with sadness and his shoulders slumped. “They’re happy here. At least, Eridan is. And they don’t recognize me, neither one of them do. They’re just…” he trailed off and had to start again. “They’re just the same as the rest of them now. Just like Terezi…”

John grasped Karkat by the shoulders and lowered his head so he could look the troll in the eyes. “Hey,” he said. “You tried. That’s what matters.”

Karkat looked like he was going to growl at him for half a second, then seem to reconsider. “Yeah, I know. I know!” he frowned and dropped his gaze to stare at the ground. “Can we go now?” he asked. “Please. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

John sighed and nodded, running a hand through his hair and squeezing water from it. “Yeah,” he said. “If Dave is done,” he paused, and then grinned. “Thanks for saving me from the big bad trolls,” he joked.

Karkat’s head snapped up and he stared for a moment, before flushing, embarrassed. Instead of replying he pushed John away with a scowl, but it wasn’t a strong push and he obviously didn’t mean it. John laughed and Karkat looked even more embarrassed and it was just so cute.

“I hate you,” Karkat muttered.

“Naw, you don’t,” John replied, and he was sure of it now, even more so than before.

The troll was silent until they had nearly reached the water again. He paused for a second to watch the two sea trolls play, both zipping through the water and turning circles around Terezi and Dave. “No,” Karkat said, his voice soft. He reached out and carefully took John’s hand in his own, giving it a small squeeze. “No, I don’t.”

.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat POV

The entire situation had gone to hell far quicker than he expected. Then again, the situation had also managed to climb back out of hell in very short order...

He didn’t know what to think about this adventure they were going on. Truly, he didn’t have a clue. After some rational thought (staring at trees for hours on end, and then later at the mountains and then, even later, desert) he decided he should be excited... but instead all the felt was a sense of impending doom. There were too many variables that could go incredibly wrong. What if the other trolls remembered? How would Dave distract John’s lusus enough to spirit them all away somehow? Not to mention how risky it was trusting that Mr. Egbert wasn’t going to turn Dave and them in if their plan started to go badly. He had no idea why Dave had agreed to this in the first place… it wasn’t like he was making any effort to convince John’s guardian that the planet was fucked up. It was like they were all prisoners in this car, with a cheery pipe smoking lusus who never ceased to wear ridiculous hats. A _kind_ pipe smoking hatted lusus, but still…

And, sure, Dave’s plan made sense from the outside, get everyone they could together and get the fuck off the planet... but then what?

Really?

Was it going to be happily ever after? John had been ridiculously accepting so far. He had held him when he was frightened, shooshed him and calmed him down after he freaked the fuck out and ruined everything. And here he, Karkat fucking Vantas, was acting just like some quadrant confused asshole, because he found that comforting like a moirail would, but also wanted to pail the hell out of John at the same time.

Thinking of John just made him even more morose. John had slept in a different bed than him the night before. Karkat had pretended to be asleep, but he couldn’t for the life of him actually sleep. He even turned around and watched John sleep for a while, noticing how his face was turned to the side, dark lashes standing out heavily against his far too pale skin. He slept with his mouth slightly open, so the world could see his slightly larger than average front teeth.

He didn’t want Karkat to share the bed with him. Karkat couldn’t blame him, no matter how he felt about it... they were in a room with two beds, ergo he had one and John had the other.

He was quiet the next day, and didn’t mention it. John was more than allowed his own space if he wanted it. Even so John kept on bothering him with worried looks and asking if things were okay. Of course things were okay, why wouldn’t they be? It wasn’t like John has just thrown his life away for Karkat or anything.

Yes, of _course_ things were okay. They were going to see his friends, and there was an admittedly very small chance those friends would remember him. That filled him with fear more than finding out that they knew nothing. What would Eridan even be like if he remembered? God, maybe they were making a huge mistake.

.

It wasn’t so bad. Granted, once the initial shock wore off – those were his FRIENDS – in a cage... it was obvious they weren’t unhappy. If anything that just made him more moody. He ignored several worried looks and even pats on the arm from John, (who obviously still considered him a moirail as he kept acting like he needed to prevent Karkat from flipping his shit.)

They didn’t remember. Neither one of them did, because if they did they were incredibly good at hiding it. But, no, as dinner wore on and Terezi and Feferi began to exchange excited stories of the super fun non-murderous times they had at school he was forced to admit they didn’t remember a damn thing at all.

That’s also how he ended up sitting at a table by the pool watching Dave, Feferi, Terezi and John play in the water together. The two adult humans had taken up sitting in lounge chairs watching the kids play, and probably prattling on about things that made Karkat’s stomach turn, like “look at how natural the trolls play with the humans, just like human children haha so funny isn’t it. Of course, they’re not really...”

A (formerly?) giant douche chose to come over then and plop into a seat beside him, all wet and dripping and smug, two glasses of something amber in his hands... one he pushed towards Karkat.

“Hello,” Eridan greeted.

Karkat grunted at him in return. He ignored the glass of whatever it was.

Eridan didn’t seem upset. Instead he started to do what Karkat was doing... watching the other trolls play with the humans.

“You should be more affectionate towards your human,” Eridan commented after a long moment of sitting there, sipping his... tea. It was probably tea.

Karkat just looked at him.

“No, look, hear me out,” Eridan put down his glass, folding his hands on the table in front of him. He glanced at towards the pool and lowered his voice. “He likes you a lot, you can tell with humans. They’re very obvious. The way he tilts his head towards you when you talk, how he touches your arm,” he demonstrated and Karkat instantly jerked his arm away.

“Don’t touch me,” Karkat hissed.

Eridan held up his hands to show he meant no offense. “Just letting you know what I mean is all,” he folded his hands neatly and  leaned forwards again, his voice dropping to a conspiring tone, even lower than it was before. “You need to milk that, use it for all that its worth. Humans are silly sentimental creatures. You think our grey skin and pointy horns matter, but it doesn’t, not to them. They’re looking for love. Especially when they’re as young as that one,” he nodded his head in the direction of the pool, where John was currently playfully splashing water at Terezi and Feferi while Dave stood there looking too cool to get involved. “He loves you, so why not love him back?” he gave John an assessing look. “I’d say you can get at least a couple years out of him, living in the lap of luxury, never having to worry about anything but keeping one human boy happy. Other trolls would give anything to be in your position and you,” he turned back to Karkat. “You seem intent on being grumpy and throwing it all away. I have no idea why,” he shook his head with a sigh.

Karkat just stared at him. “I can’t believe I’m getting relationship advice from you of all people,” he said. He made a hand motion to the room they were in. “I mean what even is this? Do you take turns with that guy,” he thrust his thumb towards Mr. Saunders. “Or does he like to take you both at the same time? He certainly gives you nice shit to make up for it.” He was being crude and terrible and he really needed to shut his mouth. NOW.

Eridan looked like he was going to be offended for a moment , then let it out in a huff. “Look, I know I’m not in a relationship with Mr. Saunders and neither is Feferi, but the same principle holds true. He wants to give us everything we want in life for an opportunity to watch us make love,” he ignored Karkat’s muttered ‘gross’... and it was gross for Karkat, just not the level of gross he had expected. “In return I get to be with my lovely mate and never have to worry about anything. I’m just saying you can have that kind of security as well,” he looked unduly pleased with himself.

Karkat stared at him for a moment longer, then put his head down on the table with a soft thud. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he muttered.

Eridan raised an eyebrow at him. “It might do you good to go play with your boy right now,” he suggested. “Look, they’re trying to drown him. Don’t you think he might need to be rescued?”

Karkat glanced at the pool as the sound of cackling laughter reached his ears. Terezi and Feferi had John’s head under water now and it looked like John limbs where thrashing about, trying to pull himself back out but he couldn’t…

He reacted without thinking. One minute he was sitting at the poolside table with Eridan, the next he had leapt into the water, shoving both Terezi and Feferi away and grabbing John, yanking him back to the surface. He held him to himself, growl welling up from his throat. All three of the others looked surprised, Dave included.

“Karkat?” John sputtered once he managed to cough up all the water he inhaled. He let out a gasping laugh and reassured him that he wasn’t being drowned.

Before he could say anything in reply, he realized that Eridan was clapping slowly, obviously pleased with himself.

This day just kept on getting worse.

.

He explained to John the other trolls weren’t coming with them. There was something soft on John’s face as he spoke to him - pity again. It made a warm feeling well up in his stomach, and it occurred to him that he wanted to pail John RIGHT THEN. He pushed the feelings down violently. He even told John he hated him to deflect attention away from the fact that his bone budge just got more than a little bit interested at the worst possible moment ever.

He didn’t hate John, not really.

John could tell. “Naw, you don’t,” was John’s reply.

He supposed it was pretty obvious, with the daring rescue and all that. Karkat reached out and took John’s hand in his own. He squeezed it, gently and John responded by tightening his grip in a way that was completely reassuring.

He didn’t have Feferi or Eridan any longer, or Equius, Vriska or Gamzee… but at least he had his matesprit and friends like Terezi and even Dave.

He had someone. Eridan was right, he really should be nicer to John, John obviously cared about him. Being sulky and grouchy at him wasn’t going to win him any favors. “I’m sorry for being  crabby,” he mumbled.

John laughed at him and pulled him in for a brief hug. “Karkat, that’s what you do,” he said. He sighed when he pulled away and ruffled Karkat’s hair between his horns.  He didn’t pet though, thank god, Karkat wasn’t sure his shorts could conceal his interest if John kept touching him. Thankfully John pulled his hand away a moment later, though the expression on his face was affectionate. “Let me go talk to my dad, ask him when he wants to leave. You should go play in the pool?”

“And risk drowning due to psychotic seadwellers? No thanks.” Even so, he let go of John’s hand and made his way back to the pool.

.

He sat on the edge as far away from Eridan and everyone else he could get, waiting. John was over talking to his dad and Mr. Saunders, but he had sat down and Karkat had a feeling that conversation might be going on for a while. Eridan had occupied himself with talking to Dave of all people.

 At least he was alone.

Was alone. A grey shape cut through the water towards him and a moment later a perky seatroll popped her head out and smiled up at him.

“You poor thing,” Feferi said, gliding out of the water with ease. She sat down next to him. “I know you pretend to be grumpy but you’re really just sad, aren’t you?”

Karkat just looked at her. He hadn’t asked her about the past, because it had been obvious the way her and Terezi had been going on at dinner, but now…

“Do you remember me?” he asked and managed to keep that tiny ray of hope out of his voice.

“Remember you?” she said with a little giggle. “Did we go to school together?”

No, obviously she didn’t remember. “Maybe,” Karkat said despondently, and looked away.

“Silly,” she replied. “I would have remembered you if I did. You’re not like the others. Kind of like my Eridan.”

Karkat froze at that. “How do you mean?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Nothing much!” she reassured him. She smiled, and her expression was faraway. “Sometimes he says the oddest… and most horrible things about humans,” she shot a look over at Mr. Saunders and it was the first time that Karkat saw something other than a positive emotion on her face. “Sir has been the best to us! He should be nicer! Not all… Eridan-y. I know he thinks we’re important and I guess we are rare, but what if Mr. Saunders gets upset?”

“Do you… tell him to stop?” Karkat asked. “Or does he get punished?”

Feferi laughed. “Oh, it would never come to that! My dearest Eridan is a prize troll, that’s why he can be that way,” she turned sympathetic eyes to Karkat. “I’m sorry if what he said about your human upset you.”

Karkat shook his head. “He didn’t upset me,” he said.

She patted him on the leg. “I think we should all get along,” she said. “And maybe some of the things Eridan says are true, but most humans are amazing. Your John seems very kind. We weren’t trying to harm him, I promise!”

“I know,” Karkat replied. He wanted this conversation to end. He didn’t like bizzaro world where conversations like these even happened, but people often don’t get what they want, do they? He pressed a hand to his nose and drew a deep breath, then  realized something he hadn’t done.

He couldn’t… just turn his back on her, despite knowing how much she changed. Even though he knew he really didn’t have any chance, even if she remembered. It just reminded him of the futility of this entire process of visiting everyone from his past. Especially here, there was no way they’d be able to get Eridan and Feferi out. A companion troll could probably be stolen, this zoo, or facility or whatever it was a different matter.

Still, the words left his mouth almost without his permission. “If you had a chance to leave this place and go anywhere, and I do mean fucking _anywhere_ , would you?”

She blinked, long lashes falling against her cheeks and then laughed. It wasn’t a cruel sound, more charming than anything. “Usually it’s the humans that try to buy me!” she exclaimed.

“I’m not trying to buy you!” Karkat snapped, partly horrified. “I’m just saying… never mind,” he flushed and turned his head.

Her laugh faded to chuckles and then stopped completely. “I like it here,” she slipped down off the ledge and dived into the pool, only to resurface a moment later, grinning up at him. “You know, your human seems wonderful. Young and handsome and he really seems to care about you. I think you have a good thing going. You care for him, I can tell, with all that heroic rescuing!”

“This isn’t about me,” Karkat ground out. “Also what is with the incessant need to comment about my relationship with John? He doesn’t even own my contract!”

She froze and stared and Karkat realized what he had let slip a second too late. “Oh,” she said and her face crumpled. It looked like she was about to cry, though she didn’t. “Oh, that’s so sad,” she rallied and perked up a tiny bit. “The other humans don’t seem to mind though, I think you’re lucky. Does his father own it?”

Karkat rolled his eyes again. “The other asshole does, but it doesn’t matter anyway. They’re both best friends forever, or whatever humans call their sad shambling excuses for relationships.”

She frowned. “He can get into real trouble,” she said, sending a nervous look down the pool towards John.

Karkat sighed. “Don’t you think I know that? They can’t transfer the contract because reasons. No one is going to get into trouble, Dave won’t tell,” he made a cutting gesture with his hand. “You changed the subject. Would you leave?”

She gave him a serious look. “I appreciate it, I really do, but the answer is no,” she said. “I have everything I need in life here, and if I want something more Mr. Saunders will get it for me.”

Karkat swallowed and gave her a hollow look. “So, you chose captivity over freedom,” it wasn’t a question.

Her serious look grew. “Freedom doesn’t exist, Karkat,” she said. “Not for any of us.”

.

Dark anger built like a cloud as they got back into the van and left. He felt guilty, for leaving them behind in their perfectly designed prison, angry that he was owned by anyone, let alone humans, let alone Dave, who still seemed content to ignore him. The warm feeling he had felt after ‘saving’ John had faded into a dark cloud of misery and despair.

It was made worse by the fact that John’s father asked, once they were back in the van, if they needed to break those Eridan and Feferi out of the facility.

Dave glanced at Karkat and shook his head. “I don’t think that will be necessary, Mr. Egbert,” he said.

“Oh good,” Mr. Egbert sounded relieved. “I wasn’t quite sure how we’d go about doing that, Mr. Saunders was very firm on the fact that those two trolls would never be contracted out, even for a short period of time.”

It was then that Karkat realized that Mr. Egbert had been talking about taking out temporary contracts on Eridan and Feferi with Mr. Saunders while talking to him. He was on their side, apparently.

“If it makes you feel better, Karkat,” Mr. Egbert continued amicably. “I do believe Mr. Eridan and Miss Feferi are very happy trolls. The facility is state of the art.”

Karkat’s blunted claws dug into his palms. He drew in a deep breath and nodded. “I know. It was… nice,” he ignored the look from John and deliberately looked out the window.

Anger bubbled up inside of him as he caught the reflection of Terezi curl up against Dave in the backseat. They looked perfectly content, Dave and his matesprit who didn’t even remember him. When he glanced at John and got a worried look in return he realized his anger wasn’t fading any, if anything it was getting worse, and he forced himself to look away again and tried to make himself calm down.

A hand fell on his shoulder and instead of shrugging it off, Karkat caught it, lightening fast, a snarl on his lips as he turned to look at John, his human hand still caught in his own. If his claws hadn’t been clipped he knew they’d be digging into flesh right now. John just stared back, guileless, uncertain. Sympathetic.

He realized he didn’t WANT pity, not right then, he wanted to hurt something that would be able to fight back, give as good as it got. When he felt the same pooling in his gut as he had earlier that day it hit him what he was feeling…

He dropped John’s hand quickly and returned his now slightly panicked gaze to staring out the window of the van.

Shit. He was not going to go black on John. He thought he hated him once, a very long time ago, and much more recently, but that was pity, it was all pity. Not hate, he couldn’t hate John, John had saved him.

And John... ALL humans didn’t understand kismesissitude, Dave had proved that time and time again over the two years of living together on that meteor. John certainly wasn’t any different than his friend when it came to understanding troll relationships.

That just reminded him that it was a possibility he’d never have another troll to romance who remembered anything (unless Sollux remembered something? Maybe he could try something black with that asshole… but no, he pushed those thoughts away, Dave said Sollux was messed up and he had reason to believe him.)

Feeling depressed about the fact that he might never be able to fill his black quadrant didn’t make the combative arousal he felt right now fade any.

John made it worse by patting his arm cautiously, playing it off as casual, little friend-punches that said ‘hey I’m here’. In Karkat’s already darkened mind they said ‘hey, I want to get pailed’ because it was either that or rip that fucking hand off.

He didn’t do anything of the sort. The window was his friend. He intently watched the streets of San Diego go by as they drove down them, studying all the weird trees with pointy leaves.

He was twitchy by the time they got to the new hotel for the night, after stopping for some ridiculously sweet human concoction John called a “milkshake”. They piled into the hotel and Karkat could see his room had a huge concupiscent platform instead of the two they had the night before.

“I’m sorry,” John said instantly. “I forgot to ask Dave about separate beds, I can go back out and see if they’ll change our room…”

Karkat didn’t let him finish. Instead he grabbed John by the shoulders and shoved him up against the wall next to the tiny human bathroom, yanking his head down and aggressively sealing his mouth against his own.

“Whoa, Karkat, mmph…” John seemed shocked, but got into it quickly. Karkat let out a low rumbling growl and bit at his lips, fingers digging into John’s arms. Hate warred with pity inside of him, and it was so refreshingly normal, despite the quadrant confusion… the first couple times they had sex or tried to Karkat had just been too scared to feel much of anything. Even when he violated his contract on purpose to pail John he had just been so frightened and then RELIEVED to have a matesprit who wanted him… really pity hadn’t much of a chance to come into play, let alone any feelings of hate.

He felt hate of course, but more towards humans in general and the situation he was in. He didn’t think he could ever hate John, not completely, which was probably why he wasn’t trying to draw blood right now.

John didn’t try to push Karkat away, merely wrapped his arms around the shorter troll and tried to kiss him back as hard as he could, making human-like noises of contentment. Karkat let that continue for a few seconds more, but his bone bulge was completely out, his nook was sopping and he needed John in him, NOW.

He hoped John wouldn’t react badly as he marched him over to the bed and started to forcibly remove his clothes. Sure enough John went without protest, and Karkat could see and smell that the other boy was more than a little interested in continuing. He wondered why John was even letting him have so much control. Once he had John’s shirt off and his pants down and pushed him back on the bed… John was already hard, his weird human fleshy dangly organ full and he was giving Karkat a half lidded content look, mouth open slightly as he panted…

Karkat kissed him again, deeply, shrugging off his own clothes as he did, pulling away to pull his shirt up. John got distracted by his scars and grubmarks again but Karkat slapped his hands away. “I want you to pail me,” he hissed, kicking his pants off and positioning himself so he was right above John’s human bulge. “Now,” he added. He was only partly aware of the back of his brain that was telling him that he shouldn’t be ordering a human to do anything.

He was in so much shit, using his fragile new flushed relationship to work out his dark caliginous feelings. He half wanted to stop but he didn’t, he wanted this - needed it, his nook was DRIPPING and if John didn’t get inside of him right now…

“Okay, okay, give me a moment… ah!” John said and he slipped upside Karkat in one fumbling move.

It was perfect. John was big, bordering on painful, and it was amazing. Karkat shoved himself down on John, enjoying the stretch and pull. He sighed, then grinned and leaned forwards, biting the skin around John’s collar… not hard enough to break skin this time, but still enough to draw a soft gasp from John. He switched locations and did it again, careful to not puncture the delicate human skin, his training kicking in whether he wanted it to or not. Fear threatened to take over, to make this fade to a mechanical act, to not cause damage to someone who couldn’t take it and wouldn’t understand. The bite from their first attempt was still scabbed and pink on John’s collar, faded to almost nothing but testament of what happened when he lost control.

The anger he felt at himself for just being so fucking broken he couldn’t even pail his matespirt without thinking about how scared he was drove him to go harder and faster, to treat John with rough hands and scratches. It surprised him all the more when John let out a growling noise of his own, deep in his chest, and flipped Karkat over on the bed. He didn’t hesitate this time to pound into Karkat’s nook, and Karkat relished it, this wasn’t frightening, it was cathartic. It was almost what he was looking for and he chirped his pleasure.  He wrapped his arms and legs around John and held on.

John came quickly, his small contribution of genetic material did nothing to sate his own throbbing need. Karkat stuck two fingers up inside himself when John was done, and John sat back to watch with wide eyes and Karkat quickly brought himself off.  He didn’t even have to touch his budge he was so close, just a rub inside along the edges of his seed flap and he was quickly shuddering through his own orgasm. He came dry, fluid wasn’t built up enough yet to make another go with the bucket necessary. Even so, his toes curled and his back arched and the pleased whine in the back of his throat probably gave away how much he enjoyed it.

“Holy shit,” John said articulately, still panting slightly. “You’ve got to teach me how to do that.”

Karkat grunted something in the affirmative. Pailing with someone he actually wanted to pail with did a lot to calm him down. Now everything seemed to exist in a warm afterglow. “Maybe some other time,” he mumbled. He eyed the red markings along John’s upper chest. None of them had broken skin, though the human did look disheveled. Guilt hit him like a kick to the shame globes. “Sorry,” he said, frowning. “I didn’t mean to…” he reached out towards John, touching his chest bites. Fear hit him almost as quickly as the guilt. He was in so much trouble… last time he bit John he said to never do it again…

“No, it’s okay,” John said with a quick grin. “I don’t think you broke the skin.” He ran his hand through his messy hair. “That was intense though. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just… “ Karkat looked away, embarrassed. He wanted to explain that a kismesissitude could get much more intense but he didn’t think John would want to know that. He was human anyway, he wouldn’t understand about quadrant flipping and all the finer points of what Karkat’s mind just went through. He snuck a look back at John. “Are you angry?” he asked.

“Hell no,” John replied with conviction. “That was fun.” He flopped down on the bed next to him and drew him in for a hug. Karkat only stiffened for a moment, then relaxed into it. Moirail cuddles were okay in a matesprit relationship too. He _really_ needed to stop thinking in troll terms when he wasn’t with another troll. John set around patting him between the horns again and Karkat made a chirping happy sound which came out far too hopeful for his taste. A few minutes later and he started to purr, the world fading into a cloud of blessed out contentment.

“Are you feeling better?” John asked quietly after some time had passed.

“A little,” Karkat replied grudgingly.

“Good,” John said with a soft laugh. “I’m glad.”

He lied, of course. Everything was still terrible, he had just left trolls he cared about to remain in a prison. Everything, including this, felt like it was crushing him and threatened to fill him with anxiety. However, John just kept touching his hair carefully, acting like the best matesprit he didn’t deserve, and he had to admit being with John did make him feel a little bit better, temporarily.

He also couldn’t help but feel like something was going to go really fucking wrong and ruin everything for him. When in his life had he ever gotten something he wanted? Really?

.


End file.
